I had an A, I admit that, and I had an EA four years ago. When EA happened we talked about it nothing physical had happened and we talked it over, made some changes and things went on as normal. What i didnt tell him was the whole truth. I talked to an old boyfriend thru fbook and on the phone. I felt a pang of affection for the guy, I cant say why, I just did. I read more into it than there was, wanted more than he was willing to give. We talked about old times, what we got up to, the fun we had, we were only kids 15 or so, it was never a physical thing we were too immature. It felt comfortable, wrong I know. I wanted to meet up with him to see how he had changed. He sort of agreed to meet me but wouldnt commit to anything, I didnt think anything of it, just thought it was one of those things. The more he wavered the more I wanted to see him, didnt give a thought to H and how he would see it. I wrongly thought he was flirting with me, that he still held a torch for me. I found out later that wasnt the case. With this in my head I thought he wanted me so I badgered him more about meeting me. I even went and bought new underwear in his favourite colour. He eventually agreed to meet me. I arranged to go to a cousins house that was a good 2 to 3 hours on the train, told him i was going an that i could meet him then. He said that was ok. I went he didnt, I had a phone call from him not long before i left. He told me he didnt want to come see me as it wasnt worth it. He had had an A before an got found out why would he risk it for me. I had travelled miles to see him and he blew me off, made me feel terrible. I went home early feeling totally rejected. He never contacted me again. H found out as one of my so called friends was jealous of me, so she told him everything i had ever said about it. The proverbial hit the fan. The fallout was not immense but did cause me and H to talk. I fudged a bit an didnt tell H the whole truth. H believed me an we moved on.
Skip to last year late summer, my M was a bit rocky and I was feeling pretty low, a family friend started talking to me on fbook, I thought it was harmless, it turned out it wasnt. It went from fbook to txting, to sex txts that were very explicit, to meeting him a few time, to us meeting and having sex. It was only a one time thing, straight sex no oral whatsoever, I met him once after. I had an emotiknal bond to him as I thought my M wasnt all it was supposed to be. It lacked communication, I thought H didnt love me, he treated me like a child, didnt seem to be sympathetic towards me no matter what I was going through. This had been going on for a few years. My AP said all the right things to make me feel better, I fell for him. I thought i loved him. In my head my M was over so it was ok. The A lasted a couple of months but was very intense on the txting. A mo th before H found out, I sort of lost the plot and wanted to leave H, I told him it was because of the way he treated me. It nearly killed him, I decided not to leave, I wanted to stay and make it work. I hadnt told AP it was finished just didnt bother telling him. AP did t contact me so I thought it was ok. Two nights after talking to H, I went out drinking with a friend, had alot to drink and started talking to another man, years younger than me and very attractive. He had spoken to me first and I felt flattered that this young man was paying me some attention, we talked for about 15 mins, I went to walk away from him and turned back, I dont know what possessed me but I took out a pen an wrote my fone number on his hand. I walked away, thought it was bloody stupid of me to have done that especially as H was making an effort. What an fookin idiot I was.
H found out about affair about a month later, not a pretty sight at all. I am guilty of TT and have been doing it for the last 4 mths. I always thought I was being honest when in fact I was fudging things or outright lies. H and I were working it out, even though there were things he didnt know about. Tonight I have finally given him the rest of the truth. Thats when he broke again and got very angry, I have lied to him about thus affair an the EA I had. I wouldnt be surprised if he hates me. I have great difficulty talking, I physically cant say what needs to be said and this has caused many problems. I wrote down all the things I never told him. Now i am a liar and a cheat and a few choice names he called me. He now says that I have lied to him for the of our marriage, I know I havent. I know the whe truth is out there but he insists on me telling him something new or he will walk. There is no truth to come out, how can i tell him something more did? I understand why he is the way he is, he has even taken off his wedding ring. He thinks I have cheated throughout our whe M an says that i have lied and cheated the whole time, that he knows there is more to come out. There is no more to come out, he has said he will walk if i dont start telling the truth, again i have no more truth. How in hells name do i fix this. I am going to lose him because i cant tell him any more.