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Newest Member: Notnemore (60749)

User Topic: Need lifting up
♀ 42257
Member # 42257
Default  Posted: 9:46 PM, March 30th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So, my few posts so far on here I've noticed I sound so much stronger when I give advice, but it's so hard to practice what you preach.

I have filed and waiting for WH to respond to complaint. Even though I'm pregnant, he's in a LTA (he claims just friends because he's a habitual liar) and hasn't gone NC with OW, he keeps telling me he wants to fix things, he wants to move back, why am I escalating things, etc.

Well, on top of being pregnant, I'm about to have my second surgery this Thursday for kidney stones. And Friday I noticed my sweet little dog was feeling really bad, and it's only gotten worse over the weekend. I took her to the vet Saturday and will go back in the morning, as she will not even try to walk. It's like she lost use of her back legs.

Well, all his talk about wanting to fix things last week and he's been MIA all weekend. Won't respond even when he knows all that's going on. Because he's mad that I filed because he hasn't ended it with her in the 3 months since I found out.

I know I shouldn't have even told him what was going on. But, seriously, how many things can a person deal with at once? The reason I told him about the surgery (for me) is because there's a chance of going into labor and he has told me I'm excluding him from all the baby appointments. I told him about our dog because she's been our baby for 10 years. Dumb move on my part. He's too selfish to care about his wife and unborn baby why would he care about his dog??

I'm just emotional, sad, scared, and need some uplifting thoughts. I know I can get through this and I will be better off without him, I'm just so tired of crying every night...

Posts: 44 | Registered: Jan 2014
♀ 42092
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 10:06 PM, March 30th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh my dear, I am so sorry. It is so true that we can see the strength in others and be objective about their situations in a way we cannot do for ourselves as easily.

Part of that I think is because the truth is so ugly and hurtful. We don't WANT to believe t. We do everything we can to cling to our old beliefs in who our partner was. We struggle against the truth, even though accepting it would help us heal.

And the truth is unfortunately a whopper. You are getting lip service to being sorry, but no true remorse. You're being made into the bad guy for standing up for yourself. For forcing him to see consequences. He wants to keep his status quo and resents that you are calling him out. That is why there are no actions to go with his words--because he is not remorseful. He is choosing his LTA over his life with you. Maybe out of shame, out of an ability to step up ....but whatever the reason, you have to shut his words out. If he wanted to be involved in the baby appointments, he could ask, he could be proactive. But he just wants to manufacture a reason you are deserving of back treatment by 'excluding him'.

I'm so sorry he can't be by your side for the surgery and the dog's illness. I'm so sorry he can't commit to you. I'm sorry that he blame shifts and is a coward. But, it's who he is. It's not what you deserve, and that's why you filed. Remember your truth. Call on your army to help with your procedure and your dog and to stand by you. And don't blame yourself for trying to communicate with him. Just realize--he's already gone, even though he won't admit it. You are making the best choices for YOU under the circumstances. Whether he feels aggrieved by that doesn't matter. You have to look after yourself and stop worrying about whether he is playing the victim. His view on things is warped and disgusting.

The crying is your body processing the trauma. I know it sucks. But let yourself feel everything, and then be as kind to yourself as you can be. You know your own worth. I can certainly see it. I can see that your WH is a fool too and that being free of him will release a lot of toxicity from your life. Focus on your baby, focus on how amazing it is that you're drawing a line in the sand because you know what you're worth, and trust that this will pass and you will come out stronger.

Sending hugs, peace and strength to you.

Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4324 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
♀ 40306
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 10:19 PM, March 30th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I'm so sorry for everything you have going on.

Pregnant with kidney stones would suck all by itself. Infidelity sucks all by itself. You've got them BOTH going on! It's no wonder you feel overwhelmed.

Do you have support in real time? Friends? Family?

You can do this.

Sending healing thoughts for you, your baby, and your dog.

Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 M - 22 Years
D-day: 7/2013; D filed 7/2014; Divorced 7-27-16
...the WS affair starts off in a dreamland where everything is all Golly, Wow! and Meant To Be! and Soul Mates drop from the trees to frolic in the mist. -devotedman

Posts: 5585 | Registered: Aug 2013
♀ 42257
Member # 42257
Default  Posted: 10:46 PM, March 30th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you. I do have family support and will have more friends support when I fill them in on the marriage issues. It's embarrassing, but the reasons why I'm divorcing make it pretty clear I don't have much choice.

Posts: 44 | Registered: Jan 2014
♀ 41202
Member # 41202
Default  Posted: 11:07 PM, March 30th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Me BS:34
H WS: 28
OW: 33 (butter face... Thanks to sistermilkshake for the nickname)
Dday: July 24, 2013 (5 days after our 5th wedding anniversary)
7yrs together, married for 5 yrs
Status: divorcing

Posts: 86 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: North Carolina
Topic Posts: 5

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