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Everything is good one minute, then...Wham

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nekorb posted 3/30/2014 21:59 PM

How does that happen, exactly?

Even though it doesn't change the outcome, for some reason I am just sort of stuck on this thought.

Way back in May, our oldest was getting ready for prom, getting ready to graduate, we were planning her graduation trip (gift for her and two friends), we were planning our last big family vacation together (assuming she might possibly have a life outside of our family unit of five and might not be available)....

Friday...graduation day...all kind of pictures and happiness.

Saturday...graduation party for the family at our place...lots of happiness and pictures....

Sunday...WH plays his baseball game...I ask if we can go hiking at the park after his game and he says sure.....

Then...while we are hiking I get the ILYBINILWY speech.

My world comes to a screeching halt.

I hear about how he isn't happy, but we will always be friends even if we aren't together, but he wants to go to counseling. He isn't sure what to do - if we should separate or see other people...he just doesn't know.

He says there is no one else.

I say don't go to counseling with me just to go through the motions and say you did it. "Oh no! If we can be happy together, I want our marriage.".

I ask if I have any chance at all. "Of course you do! I love you. You're my wife.".

I ask if there is someone else. "No."


The rest is obviously history....I just wonder WTF happened between Saturday's graduation party and Sunday's hike.


I mean WTF???

I don't know why I waste time thinking about this. I guess because I like things to be logical and sensical and because I miss my husband and I don't know who this man is that has taken his place.

It's so hard living together at this point. I hope he can move out soon. But that makes me feel selfish because I know my son really wants him to stay as long as possible. He is going to miss his dad.

[This message edited by nekorb at 10:01 PM, March 30th (Sunday)]

yearsofpain25 posted 3/31/2014 07:43 AM

I've heard you nekorb. I'm the king of trying to look at a situation and make sense of it when there is absolutely no logic or sense to be had. In my journey to find answers, I've come to learn that sometimes there just aren't any answers in some of these situations because we can't control how other's think. Sometimes their thinking is so damaged that their is no logic to be found.

You're not selfish at all for feeling this way. You need to move on and honestly, IMHO, the sooner the better for your son too so that he can start his own heeling process.

Thinking of you nekorb. Wishing you strength and courage to keep pushing through like you have been.


k94ever posted 3/31/2014 09:43 AM

You didn't know, that's what happened.

If you are only seeing things from one perspective, then what you are seeing is skewed. And you didn't know about his cheating so you were only viewing life from one perspective.

Don't beat yourself up about it.


anewhaven posted 3/31/2014 19:26 PM

Maybe it didn't just happen overnight. Maybe he hasn't been happy for a while, and wanted to get the graduation over with before he told you. The smiles and happiness were probably just an act.

I'm sorry.

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