Because I just like to hear myself vent. Check 13 of 60 sent today. 3 years and 11 months to go. Then free.
Here is a fine little piece she wrote me back last July. I still shake my head at it. You are sorry but yet you were somebody pretending to be someone else for all 15 years we were together? I don't get that at all. Here is the fine piece of literature I got that day:
Let me start by saying I am TRUELY SORRY for what I have done to you and our kids. I'm not sure what happened and I wish it never happened. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about and feel bad about us. I know I hurt you and I am so sorry. If you had done what I did to you I would never forgive you so I done expect you to forgive me. I just want you to know that I did love you. You and I are just so different and I changed to be what I thought you wanted me to be. But I can tell you I was never truly myself when I was with you. I didn't think you would like the real me and I don't think you would like the real me now. We are so different. Someone can change for so long but eventually the real person comes out and the real me is not what you feel in love with...I'm so sorry I hurt you and broke your heart. I wish we could have had the happy ever after and I guess we could have if I would have tried harder to be someone I wasn't. I'm so sorry I hurt you...you didn't deserve that hurt.
I still just sit and ponder on this. I can say at the time I never saw this coming. While the appology was nice and long overdue, it seemed strange with the explanation that she pretended to be someone she was not. I use that email now as a reminder. If I ever find myself missing those days, I just read that. Why would I want to go back to a life of living with someone pretending. Basically living a lie. Weird.