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Jealousy. Ugly thoughts

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JanaGreen posted 3/31/2014 10:25 AM

I hate how jealous I am of pregnant women.

I have a friend who's newly pregnant. She's older than me and her daughter is older than mine. I'm very happy for her but I just feel a twinge of jealousy. She tries so hard to be considerate of me, but she keeps asking me how many days out I am from ovulation and if I've tested and she keeps saying how I'd BETTER be pregnant this month so we can have due dates close together - all that would be wonderful, but I can't be as optimistic as she is. I'm scared it's going to take a while and I'm even more scared that I'll have another loss. My birthday is coming up and I just want to ignore it. I don't want to be 34 and not be pregnant yet.

Another friend on my mom board just found out she's pregnant. I'm SO HAPPY for her. I made the comment a while back that I want her to be pregnant almost more than I want to be pregnant myself, and I mean it. She's had two losses, one of which was molar and caused her to have to delay TTC. So I'm really happy for her. HOWEVER, I did notice this morning that her daughter is almost two months younger than mine and I had this brief moment of "IT'S NOT FAIR!" And then I felt awful. Why can't I just be happy for a wonderful woman who has had such a hard time? I'm 99% happy for her and then there's that ugly 1% that I cannot control that wells up from someplace dark.

[This message edited by JanaGreen at 10:26 AM, March 31st (Monday)]

fireproof posted 3/31/2014 11:21 AM

Try and give yourself a break. This is my 2 cents:

If you are trying stress isn't good. Work on relaxing tools just say to yourself good for her and know she and others are pulling for you

2. Accept that it may or may not be possible- I think these days it is more possible than in the past but there is no guarentee.

3. Any comment which I found the above if she knew your struggle was a bit rude- nonetheless say I am hoping too.

4. Relax

There are stories of people trying and some adopt some don't. Some end up after adoption having a baby biologically on their own some don't.

Spend time figuring out what is underneath or just go for a nice walk.

Take care and don't try to be overly grateful you are human.

nowiknow23 posted 3/31/2014 11:25 AM

(((((Jana))))) Your thoughts are perfectly normal, honey - it isn't fair. Acknowledging that and letting yourself feel all the facets - good and bad - is healthy.

You are in my thoughts.

JanaGreen posted 3/31/2014 12:33 PM

Fireproof, I don't seem to have much trouble getting pregnant (I hope); it's just that TTC was delayed by . . . oh . . . three years due to infidelity garbage, and then when we started trying it took four months, thanks mostly to my husband's herniated disc and sciatica (not surprisingly being in constant overwhelming pain is not conducive to romance!), then I had a miscarriage. So I've been pregnant three times, out of a total of 9 cycles of trying. That's pretty good, but only one pregnancy has made it out of the first trimester. My doctor said that's most likely just bad luck, and I know miscarriages are common. I'm just so on edge because it's too early to test and I know I'll be crushed if I am not pregnant this month. It's my last chance to have a 2014 baby.

tushnurse posted 3/31/2014 14:52 PM


You are being too hard on yourself. Stop pressuring your body. Really tell that friend that it's hard for you right now, and would appreciate her not urging your pregnancy.

I mean it's not like you have control over it. You do what you need to when it's time, after that it's really out of your hands.

Getting anxious over it, is going to cause you undo stress. It will happen when it's supposed to. There is a reason for everything, and even though you don't know what it is right now, you do know that it will happen when it's supposed to. (this is the philosophy I try to live by) It works for the most part.

((((and strength, and fertile competent uteri)))))

Holly-Isis posted 3/31/2014 16:13 PM


One of my friends struggled with secondary infertility. She didn't get pregnant until her DS was nearly 6.

She did get pregnant...then got pregnant again less than a year later. Yup, they weren't careful because they assumed she wouldn't be able to conceive again. After all, her DS took nearly 2yrs of TTC.

Keep heart. When it happens, it will be time. And you'll cherish every moment. You'll be able to appreciate the gift of pregnancy all the more for your wait.

Whalers11 posted 3/31/2014 16:28 PM

I get very jealous when I see pregnant women. Different situation, different circumstances for me, but I do understand the "unfair" thoughts very much.

JanaGreen posted 3/31/2014 16:32 PM

Oh whalers, I'm so sorry. (((HUGS)))

JanaGreen posted 3/31/2014 20:23 PM

Thanks for hearing me out guys. I feel better after venting.

Jrazz posted 3/31/2014 20:47 PM


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