You can call me NIK
BUT... the heart says something else. I can't help FEELING that I should have done more, not sure what, but that I missed the one critical thing that could have produced a different outcome.
Oh, honey. This is a really common sticking point. A couple of things for you to chew on:
1. You don't have the kind of power it would take to change the outcome, because no matter what YOU did or didn't do, you can't control any one else's choices or actions. There's a big heaping helping of humility in accepting that logical fact on an emotional level. The fact that you know it? Will lead to your heart accepting it. Time is one factor (sorry, but it is). The other thing that helped me was acknowledging and CHALLENGING those feelings when they came up. Call yourself on your own BS. Give yourself a talking to. Do it a thousand times if need be. Your heart will get it.
2. Forgive yourself for NOT being able to control it. So many of us believe (on some level) that we SHOULD have been able to prevent it some how. It's a false belief, but if you are sticking on it, try granting yourself forgiveness for not being all powerful. Silly as that may seem. My counselor used to joke with me (to make a point) - "NIK, if ONLY you had picked up your cape and mask from the cleaners! This all could have been prevented!" She challenged how ridiculous my expectations of myself were, and I was able to internalize that and start rewriting some of my mental tapes. It takes some effort, but you can rewrite those tapes, too.
Big hugs, honey. ((((whiteflower))))
"The dark does not destroy the light; it defines it." - Brene Brown