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Been wondering about self-esteem vs selfishness

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Crushed15Feb13 posted 3/31/2014 13:51 PM

I've heard choosing to have an affair is one of the most selfish decisions a spouse can make. I've also heard that low self-esteem is often a factor in affairs.

But, wouldn't selfishness go along with having excessive self-esteem? I mean, wouldn't having very high self esteem correspond to a sense of entitlement and selfishness more than low self esteem?

Or is self-esteem more of a double edged sword? Best to have a reasonable amount of self-esteem, somewhere in the middle, cuz if it gets too far off in either direction, it could be a contributing factor toward infidelity?


heforgotme posted 3/31/2014 14:01 PM

But, wouldn't selfishness go along with having excessive self-esteem? I mean, wouldn't having very high self esteem correspond to a sense of entitlement and selfishness more than low self esteem?

I always thought fWH was excessively humble. I thought this was why he didn't apply for jobs. Bc he felt unworthy. I thought this was why he had trouble with me. The unworthy thing again.

He has since told me that he was completely self-absorbed. That he thought he was right about everything. That he thought he knew it all.

Having said that, I don't think that this was true self-esteem. I think it was compensating for a lack of such.

People with self-esteem make healthy choices. So, they do not cheat. They solve their problems in a healthy manner.

Cheating is not healthy.

A person with self-esteem does not need to be selfish. They know they are ok and do not need to validate that with unhealthy behaviors.

So yes, a selfish person has low self-esteem. Even though they might claim to be the greatest thing since sliced bread. If they KNEW it, they wouldn't have to PROVE it.

Hope this helps a little.

xo

hfm

bionicgal posted 3/31/2014 14:01 PM

Self esteem is about having a healthy sense of self, not an overblown one. I think once you move into the healthy spectrum, you don't fall off the edge in to selfishness when you get too much-- in fact, it is likely the opposite.

Selfishness is having an excess focus on the self, usually due to low self-esteem. It is the ego controlling things, rather than operating from a place of authenticity.

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