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Newest Member: 4ever2gether (45763)

User Topic: God, my poor kid.
Sammy2013
♀ 41040
Member # 41040
Default  Posted: 2:47 PM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Geez. This is just perfect. Needless to say, things are a roller coaster around here. WH has moved out and things are going ok. But my kids heard way too much before he moved. Needless to say my 9 (almost 10) year old knows way too much.

I have a counseling appointment for him. He feels comfortable talking to my counselor and has seen him a few times. He asked me over the weekend if he could go talk to counselor, he had some questions. Now, son is always asking how WH and I are doing, seems happy and up when we are together, and gets down if I tell him Daddy is at his apartment, etc.

I asked him if he wanted to talk to me about anything first to see if it would help. We have a pretty open relationship and he feels pretty comfortable with me. He asked if Daddy wouldn't have met those girls if we hadn't moved to current state 3 years ago. That maybe if we hadn't moved, Daddy wouldn't have met those girls and wouldn't have hurt me.

Oh man, it was heartbreaking. Obviously I couldn't say what was on my mind "Well son, Daddy was doing those things 3 years before we came here, so that wouldn't have made a difference." But it was the first thing on my mind. Then he asked me if Daddy had sex with these women. I, of course, asked him what sex was to him. He said "getting naked and hugging". Again, I cringe inside. My son is picturing his Dad doing these things!! I told him I couldn't answer some of his questions, that he could ask his Dad if he wanted. He said he didn't want Daddy to get mad at him like he gets mad at me when I ask questions sometimes. Total facepalm on my part for not keeping this further from my kids.

So I have made him an appointment for next week. Hopefully counselor can help him. I haven't discussed with WH yet, going to run it by counselor tomorrow at my individual session. Then hopefully we all deal with in couples on Friday.

The kid knows way too much!! He says he understands Daddy made mistakes and has forgiven him for them. But I'm scared what this has done to him in the long run. Ugh.

I hate what this has done to my family.


WH -37; BS (me) 38
Married 13 years, 3 kiddos
First DDay 9/13. 3 more since then (trickle truth sucks). 6 years of Prostitutes, 2 affairs in 2013, SA diagnosis now with 1 relapse so far (massage parlor with happy ending 2/14).
Waiting, observing,

Posts: 213 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Southeast United States
meplusfour
♀ 38958
Member # 38958
Default  Posted: 2:53 PM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hugs to you and your son. He is lucky to have you and your understanding and support. Sending you good thoughts.


BW (me)42
WH 44
3 daughters, 1 son
Married 10 years, together 13
DDay 3/14/2013, four year PA
In R
"Sometimes you have to accept the fact that certain things will never go back to the way they used to be."

Posts: 392 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Canada
abbycadabby
♀ 27428
Member # 27428
Default  Posted: 2:54 PM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Sammy2013 and children)))

Posts: 1306 | Registered: Feb 2010
yearsofpain25
♂ 42012
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 3:03 PM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Sammy2013. Speaking from experience as a betrayed child (now an adult) which is why I'm on SI, this is really positive that you are working with him and that he is able to ask questions. I cannot overstate that enough. This is really good. Kids always know more than you think they do. His environment is forever changed but it's what you do with that environment that matters. Don't let him shut down like I did. Keep engaging him and working with him and I promise he will be ok.


25 years and counting of pain caused by mother's infidelity. Aftermath: 1 deceased sibling, 1 lost family, 3 lost souls.
"Each new day I am just glad to be alive and have survived all that I did." Ashland13

Posts: 2351 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
Cascade
♀ 28774
Member # 28774
Default  Posted: 5:54 PM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Knowing that he is safe and loved is the most important thing. You're taking steps to help him, and giving him the tools he will need to heal. Keep moving in this direction and time will heal his heart. Hugs.

Posts: 89 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Tampa, FL
Cascade
♀ 28774
Member # 28774
Default  Posted: 5:54 PM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Knowing that he is safe and loved is the most important thing. You're taking steps to help him, and giving him the tools he will need to heal. Keep moving in this direction and time will heal his heart. Hugs.

Posts: 89 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Tampa, FL
SoVerySadNow
♀ 36711
Member # 36711
Default  Posted: 6:01 PM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ugh. I'm so sorry.


Me:BW
Him:WH
D-day(s),after years of TT and Gaslighting was Labor Day Weekend 2012, continuing for a week after. *Dammit! More TT 3/9/13
Really trending toward D- planning about it is my "happy place" now.

Posts: 1292 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Sunny Florida
RidingHealingRd
♀ 33867
Member # 33867
Default  Posted: 10:40 PM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

But I'm scared what this has done to him in the long run.

I was just talking to my WH about this 5 minutes ago.

My DS learned of my WH affair before i did but he was 20 not 10. My WH told him not to tell me, tried to lie and say he had asked me for a D but I cried and begged him not to leave (HUGE F'ing lie but my DS knows me and knows that would NEVER have happened).

On Dday, when my DS learned that I knew he begged me to find him an IC. I did and I wanted to let you know that it truly helped. My DS is in a much better place. I think that with the right IC, and the continued support of both you and your WH he can recover from the trauma of it all.

The pain of the innocent children truly breaks my heart in two!

(((Sammy2103 + DS)))


ME: 54 BS
HIM: 61 WH
Married: 28 years
D'Day: 10/29/10
in R 4 years and it's working but he is putting 200% into it (as he should) to make it right again.

The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.


Posts: 2134 | Registered: Nov 2011
Topic Posts: 8

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