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God, my poor kid.

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Sammy2013 posted 3/31/2014 14:47 PM

Geez. This is just perfect. Needless to say, things are a roller coaster around here. WH has moved out and things are going ok. But my kids heard way too much before he moved. Needless to say my 9 (almost 10) year old knows way too much.

I have a counseling appointment for him. He feels comfortable talking to my counselor and has seen him a few times. He asked me over the weekend if he could go talk to counselor, he had some questions. Now, son is always asking how WH and I are doing, seems happy and up when we are together, and gets down if I tell him Daddy is at his apartment, etc.

I asked him if he wanted to talk to me about anything first to see if it would help. We have a pretty open relationship and he feels pretty comfortable with me. He asked if Daddy wouldn't have met those girls if we hadn't moved to current state 3 years ago. That maybe if we hadn't moved, Daddy wouldn't have met those girls and wouldn't have hurt me.

Oh man, it was heartbreaking. Obviously I couldn't say what was on my mind "Well son, Daddy was doing those things 3 years before we came here, so that wouldn't have made a difference." But it was the first thing on my mind. Then he asked me if Daddy had sex with these women. I, of course, asked him what sex was to him. He said "getting naked and hugging". Again, I cringe inside. My son is picturing his Dad doing these things!! I told him I couldn't answer some of his questions, that he could ask his Dad if he wanted. He said he didn't want Daddy to get mad at him like he gets mad at me when I ask questions sometimes. Total facepalm on my part for not keeping this further from my kids.

So I have made him an appointment for next week. Hopefully counselor can help him. I haven't discussed with WH yet, going to run it by counselor tomorrow at my individual session. Then hopefully we all deal with in couples on Friday.

The kid knows way too much!! He says he understands Daddy made mistakes and has forgiven him for them. But I'm scared what this has done to him in the long run. Ugh.

I hate what this has done to my family.

meplusfour posted 3/31/2014 14:53 PM

Hugs to you and your son. He is lucky to have you and your understanding and support. Sending you good thoughts.

abbycadabby posted 3/31/2014 14:54 PM

(((Sammy2013 and children)))

yearsofpain25 posted 3/31/2014 15:03 PM

Hi Sammy2013. Speaking from experience as a betrayed child (now an adult) which is why I'm on SI, this is really positive that you are working with him and that he is able to ask questions. I cannot overstate that enough. This is really good. Kids always know more than you think they do. His environment is forever changed but it's what you do with that environment that matters. Don't let him shut down like I did. Keep engaging him and working with him and I promise he will be ok.

Cascade posted 3/31/2014 17:54 PM

Knowing that he is safe and loved is the most important thing. You're taking steps to help him, and giving him the tools he will need to heal. Keep moving in this direction and time will heal his heart. Hugs.

Cascade posted 3/31/2014 17:54 PM

Knowing that he is safe and loved is the most important thing. You're taking steps to help him, and giving him the tools he will need to heal. Keep moving in this direction and time will heal his heart. Hugs.

SoVerySadNow posted 3/31/2014 18:01 PM

Ugh. I'm so sorry.

RidingHealingRd posted 3/31/2014 22:40 PM

But I'm scared what this has done to him in the long run.

I was just talking to my WH about this 5 minutes ago.

My DS learned of my WH affair before i did but he was 20 not 10. My WH told him not to tell me, tried to lie and say he had asked me for a D but I cried and begged him not to leave (HUGE F'ing lie but my DS knows me and knows that would NEVER have happened).

On Dday, when my DS learned that I knew he begged me to find him an IC. I did and I wanted to let you know that it truly helped. My DS is in a much better place. I think that with the right IC, and the continued support of both you and your WH he can recover from the trauma of it all.

The pain of the innocent children truly breaks my heart in two!

(((Sammy2103 + DS)))

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