"You can survive this. Talk to others that have"

SadInNC posted 3/31/2014 17:51 PM

THE REALIZATION I AM UNLOVED

I'm 49 yeas old, a short few months away from my 50th birthday. How does one live so long thinking that they are cherished and loved (to a certain degree) and then find out that they are not? I wish the rose colored glasses had come off sooner. I really do.

My parents loved me unconditionally, but they are both dead and gone now. My children all love me, but each in different ways and to different degrees. The older two have shown me at times, that when I need them they just aren't there for me. (Such is life.) The younger two are still kind of young, but I'm hoping that they'll be there for me if and when I really need them. I love them all unconditionally and will be there for each and everyone of them, no matter what! My children are everything to me, they always have been. Family is the cornerstone of my life. Without them, I am lost.

My husband is a different story. He has betrayed me in the worst way a man can betray a woman. He has cheated and lied. Then, when I found out, he continued to lie and deny. Lie and deny. He told his entire family bad things about me. He told his lover bad things about me and he felt no qualms about doing that. He dissed the mother of his children to make himself look better. His mother hates and betrayed me over and over. His brother cursed me out and thought it was okay to do that. I feel used and abused. I feel unloved from almost all sides. All I ever wanted was love and respect. I guess everyone wants that. But it's not so easy to attain, even when you give out love and respect to others it doesn't always come back to you.

Make me a channel of your peace,
Where there is hatred, let me bring Your love,
Where there is injury, Your pardon Lord,
And where there's doubt, true faith in You

Oh master grant that I may never seek,
so much to be consoled as to console,
to be understood as to understand,
to be loved as to love with all my soul.

Make me a channel of your peace,
Where there's despair in life let me bring hope,
Where there is darkness - only light,
And where there's sadness, ever joy

Oh Master, grant that I may never seek,
So much to be consoled as to console,
To be understood, as to understand,
To be loved, as to love with all my soul

Make me a channel of your peace,
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
In giving of ourselves that we receive,
And in dying that we're born to eternal life

--Prayer of St Francis

SI Staff posted 3/31/2014 21:45 PM

Bumping so others can read and respond.

Ascendant posted 3/31/2014 21:54 PM

I'm sorry that you're hurting tonight. Your pain is palpable.

I struggle with those kinds of thoughts as well...like, do people really love and respect me, or do they just need me occasionally enough to maintain the barest thread of connectivity.

All I ever wanted was love and respect.

You have an entire site of people who love and respect you. We don't know you personally, but our hearts are with you.

I guess everyone wants that. But it's not so easy to attain, even when you give out love and respect to others it doesn't always come back to you.

This is true, I think. Some people cannot, or will not, reciprocate, for a variety of reasons. I'm sure that your kids love you, NC, but it's difficult sometimes for us to show it. My mom's around your age, and I sometimes struggle with letting her know how loved she is...but she really is. Sometimes as children we take our parents for granted.....but there is always love and affection in our hearts.

Gotmegood posted 3/31/2014 22:03 PM

Sad- Unfortunately I think that each person on here has felt that too.....unloved. The moment your spouse 'chooses' to betray, chooses to lie, chooses to deceive and basically chooses someone other than you, it feels as though we are unloved. I would have to say that your WH should be trying with every breath to make you feel that you are indeed loved. If he is not doing that.....why stay? I don't want to think of you being miserable for the remainder of your life. Love yourself enough to choose a healthier life. A bit of counseling would be a gift to yourself right now.

norabird posted 3/31/2014 22:42 PM

((((SadinNC))))

It may seem like a consolation prize at first, but I truly believe that giving ourselves our own love and respect is the most important thing. It's something you can always count on and draw strength from, similar to one's personal faith in spirituality. Those are bedrock values--they will be there to return to again and again. So if you feel unloved by your husband and even to an extent by your children....remember that you can still give yourself the amazing gifts of love and respect, and that in fact those can be enough.