"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott
These stages are based on my own journey and those of others that I've watched over the years. The sooner that a BS *works through* these stages and reaches the 3rd stage.....the sooner the situation will resolve itself (one way or another).
Love the way you Lie. Eminem/Rihanna
[I didn't even know there was a *Part 2* to this. Just discovered it while searching for the first one. I included it because it kinda fits the tension-building phase]
Love the way you Lie (part 2). Rihanna/Eminem
Stuttering. Fefe Dobson
Then you eventually end up here.
Done. The Band Perry
I realize that the songs I chose for the first stage are mainly about a physically abusive relationship, but I think that the general *message* is also relevant to emotional abuse. This first stage denotes the denial and unwillingness to let go of the *comfort* of the familiar 'old' life. Also, Eminem denotes a blame-shifter who has the push/pull, love/hate attitude towards Rihanna -- and it is also good to note the one line where he says that 'he apologizes even though he knows it's all lies' (or whatever the actual lyric is).
My mantra for the second stage was: "if you're gonna be *man* enough to do it, then you sure as shit better be prepared to own it and talk about it." At this stage, Patience is leaving the building. It's time for the *dramatics* to stop and to 'strap on a set'.
The last stage is the "Whatthefuckever" stage. If TT continues until the BS reaches this point? The WS is toast.
From my own experience and from all that I've seen IRL (which includes this board), staying stuck in the 1st or 2nd stage doesn't result in the WS waking up one day and becoming truthful. It leads to anger and resentment in both people.
The final stage encompasses the saying that "you have to be willing to lose the marriage in order to save it". The majority of the stories that I've seen that involve large amounts of TT did not turn around until the BS hefty-bagged the WS' shit. However, not all WS' are willing or able to be honest. The sooner that the BS gets *here*, the better for his/her emotional health.
[This message edited by gonnabe2016 at 10:40 PM, March 31st (Monday)]
In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.