Married 27 years. Together 29.
3 children 24, 21, 14
OW sex addict and romance addict according to MC. WH just your ordinary asshole.
That's what infuriates me about cheaters. As soon as they get caught they are crying, remorseful, promising to stop. When just moments before getting caught, they had no intentions or plans to quit, and were continuing on with no regard or concern for their partner's feelings
(Edited for clarity)
[This message edited by brokendancer7 at 9:44 AM, April 1st (Tuesday)]
Latest DD - April 2013, PA
ETA: He also said however, that it never would have progressed to anything else either. If she ever would have pushed for any sort of real relationship, he would have been out of there. So, although he didn't have a plan to stop he also knew that he did not want any sort of "future" with that person
[This message edited by heforgotme at 9:59 AM, April 1st (Tuesday)]
I have a very difficult time with this as well. My WH avoids conflict above all else. He is working now to improve that, but that is the main reason that I believe he never would have ended the A. He would have been too afraid to end it, even if he had wanted to end it. He would have been scared that the OW would have outed the A to me out of anger over ending it. *She* could have been the one to end it. He would never have been the one. And. That. Kills. Me.
@Soverytired....Please stop reading my mind. This is exactly my situation. My H would have been happy if his AP would have found another man and ended it and I would have never been confronted. In his delusional state, he felt that even if I suspected it and had proof of the A, it was not real until I was contacted.
Both feet pointed forward; positive
When just moments before getting caught, they had no intentions or plans to quit
me (WW/BS): 48
4 kiddos in mid 20's
“Never be so focused on what you're looking for that you overlook the thing you actually find.”
I'm 5 days out from 5 years so I'm really thinking about it right now. Most of the time I never think about it. I think it must have something to do with 5 years. Last year I didn't even remember until weeks after the d-day anniversary.
That having been said, I believe most cheaters would have merrily continued along in their affairs had they not been caught. In the absence of a D-Day, I also believe most cheaters would only end their affairs if they no longer felt that the "bang" was worth their buck. In other words, they might end it voluntarily if it got to the point where the reward no longer outweighed the risk for them.
Never forget - it's all about the cheater and what THEY stand to lose or gain. Until they're reigned in by a D-Day, they pretty much let their selfish natures call the shots.