Madhatters - We have R'd.
BH has requested that we go NC. Obviously this is not complete NC because we have very young children and need to talk about them.
One issue is that where BH is living is completely unsuitable for children so all his time with the kids is at our house. (I have offered to go out but we live in a remote area with no public transport at the weekends and BH is not allowing me use of our car)
I want to go NC, I realise it is what he needs and I want to provide him a healing space.
The thing is, I'm a pursuer in our M. BH is the distancer. I need to talk about issues like I need oxygen, I have been that way my whole life. I am really struggling and I'm so worried I'm going to let him down.
I realise working on myself is about getting rid of old coping mechanisms and providing myself with new, healthy ones. I want to do that. My C suggested today that I wear a rubber band on my wrist, just like BH did to over come the mind movies, and snap it every time I feel the urge to talk to him. It's definitely been working this evening, that rubber band hurts!
My other worry is that I have no other focuses in my life.
I have the kids and the house to look after, but like I said before, I live in a remote area. I have no friends here and no way of getting out, I am dependent on BH for all transport at the moment. He refuses point blank to allow me to use the car.
The only time I leave the house alone is to go to IC once a week and on the school run twice a day. Apart from talking to my mum on the phone once a week, BH is the only adult conversation I have.
My family are not local and all work full time. All my friends are back home (we relocated here for BH's work.)
God, that sounds like such a pity party. I'm not looking for sympathy at all, just trying to explain the situation. I feel like having another focus in my life would be really helpful to me in providing BH with what he needs and helpful in my own healing. But my life is very limited at the moment due to BH's rule about the car, so I'm at at a loss as to what to do.
I also have an ongoing health issue and I will be having some major surgery in the next month or so (just waiting for consultant to set a date.) I will be unable to look after the children or do anything around the house for at least a few days so BH will most likely have to move back in. I'm worried about him having to care for me and the effect that might have on him.
Have any other BS' had to physically care for a WS because of a health issue? How did you find it? Did it raise any issues?
Chin up. Unwavering. Fight. We can do this.