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Although it sounds like a bad thing, I wish I could do it. Because every time I lose the anger, I let my ex get back in. And then I get hurt.

EVERY TIME!

I wish he would just disappear.

I wish I was stronger and would stick to the NC.

I have the anger again now, but it comes with the pain of new hurts. New ways for him to show me how very little I mean to him.

I hate him. I don't think I ever felt hatred towards him. Many things, but not the hatred until now. He is mean. He acts like the nicest man on earth...as long as things are stroking his ego. If he has to confront even the slightest critisism, it all turns around.

I have never, even in my hardest times, treated him unkindly. I have ignored him, but not rudely. Now, I don't give a fuck anymore. I'm tired of the pain, I'm tired of his selfishness, I'm tired of him pretending he's a friend to me and sucking me in, I'm tired of how others think he's such a great guy, I'm tired of hoping that he will be decent...hoping he has changed...hoping that if I give him a chance he will be a decent guy.

I am hoping I can hold on to this anger.

I hate him.

"We are trampled most often by forces we ourselves create" ---William Shakespeare

What you are feeling is normal....

Typically, the seven (7) stages of grief are described as:
- Shock or Disbelief
- Denial
- Anger
- Bargaining
- Guilt
- Depression
- Acceptance and Hope

The end of a relationship is like a bereavement. In addition to the loss of the partner, a person may have to contend with changes in his/her social life, find a new place to live, adjust to living alone, take care of practical arrangements and finances, contend with custody issues if there are children involved, deal with feelings of rejection and abandonment, deal with feelings of inadequacy, betrayal and jealousy if there was another person involved, and somehow find a way to cope with day to day living.

http://www.psychforums.com/relationship/topic84035.html