Although it sounds like a bad thing, I wish I could do it. Because every time I lose the anger, I let my ex get back in. And then I get hurt.
I wish he would just disappear.
I wish I was stronger and would stick to the NC.
I have the anger again now, but it comes with the pain of new hurts. New ways for him to show me how very little I mean to him.
I hate him. I don't think I ever felt hatred towards him. Many things, but not the hatred until now. He is mean. He acts like the nicest man on earth...as long as things are stroking his ego. If he has to confront even the slightest critisism, it all turns around.
I have never, even in my hardest times, treated him unkindly. I have ignored him, but not rudely. Now, I don't give a fuck anymore. I'm tired of the pain, I'm tired of his selfishness, I'm tired of him pretending he's a friend to me and sucking me in, I'm tired of how others think he's such a great guy, I'm tired of hoping that he will be decent...hoping he has changed...hoping that if I give him a chance he will be a decent guy.
I am hoping I can hold on to this anger.
I hate him.