(((time2Bstronger))) what you describe sounds a lot like me. I could not feel angry over his actions. Just overwhelming sadness.
Once I started IC (within 1 month of last Dday) it became apparent that my FOO issues had a large part in how I felt. I internalized my anger as sadness because I felt abandoned. I felt ashamed because I thought I had done something wrong. I was fearful of him leaving (abandoned) if he knew I was so angry with him.
It did not matter what others were saying to me. Rationally I knew it didn't make sense but somehow my feelings were saying something completely different to me.
It didn't matter what happened, what he did, what he said, I would initially feel anger but I could not hold onto it. It was as I felt I deserved all he was dishing out. But I kept going to IC and going to Codependent Anonymous meetings and reading books and finding myself again. And as my self-esteem improved...I found how to address my anger.
So now? I am able to find my anger and express it but in a healthy manner. I say what I mean and mean what I say. I say it in a low, calm voice. he knows I mean business and he knows that I will say things that he may not like. But as I now say to him (and not afraid to say to him), "you tell me things I don't like to hear, and I have the same right to say what's on my mind too".
I've had to work really hard on my FOO issues to figure out why I couldn't stay angry. It was very painful for me. I would not have been able to do it without help of IC, books, CoDA. But now that I recognize the "root-cause" I can address it appropriately.
One of the best books I stumbled across was Changing Course: Healing from Loss, Abandonment and Fear by Claudia Black PhD. It was as if it was written just for me. I read it in a few days. Along with all the other help I was pursuing it was a turning point...it pointed me in the direction of finding ME again. I still re-read sections of the book when I find myself struggling because it helps me to understand "why" I feel a certain way
many hugs to you