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Leia posted 4/1/2014 22:19 PM

Does anyone have any experience wrangling stuff out of a STBXWH who is probably either NPD or manic bi-polar--always has to be on a "high" and refuses to take the "lows" of life? Have not officially S yet, and still have 5 days to go before I have to be out of the house and into my other abode before the S is official. I got the lecture tonight that I need to stop going for absolutely everything, because he "doesn't know how far to dig in and protect himself." Buddy, you ain't seen nothing yet. But I don't want to let on to that. I've made plans to meet with him in the morning to divide the kitchen down because I really want my grandma's stuff back. When he asks about the other issues, my response is going to be "My L is the most uncommunicative L ever. I haven't heard back about 'issue Y' yet, so I don't know what is going on. She just said that she'd be in touch." My plan is to feed ego kibbles and stick to the standard responses and blame my L for not calling me. Which she hasn't. Anyone have any experience with this???

one2ndchance posted 4/1/2014 22:49 PM

My plan is to feed ego kibbles and stick to the standard responses

My plan is similar and is working pretty well so far. Never show stbx your hand. Pretend to be reasonable, fair & honest. I've always given him the impression that I will be amicable.

I pretend to want things I'm not really interested in, so when there is an opposition to something, I'll toss it in as if I'm giving up something I want.

Sometimes I act really appreciative and thank him for his generosity. It makes him feel like a big man. He has no idea how I'm working him.

I'm appreciative, alright...appreciative that I'm getting rid of him.

stronger08 posted 4/2/2014 00:55 AM

"doesn't know how far to dig in and protect himself."

And this is where he will fail my friend. Wars are not won by digging in and being defensive. And trust me, D is war !!! Wars are won by going on the offensive and not stopping until you reach your objective. Yet planning on where and when you attack is just as critical. A head on attack to his front line is a waste of time and resources. You need to probe his perimeter and find his weak spots, then outflank and surround the MF'er then go in for the kill.

I think its a smart move to not tip ones hand in regard to your battle plan. And if you can gain concessions while negotiating that great. Its also good that you know him well enough to realize his NPD is his weakness. Let him think he has the upper hand until the opening salvo. That way he has his guard down when you go on the attack. Pride, ego, image etc. are all weaknesses that have to be exploited when the time is right. Prepare your battle plan to include these chinks in his armor. But keep in mind that once the war starts you must not let up until you attain victory. Show no quarter, take no prisoners. I think your gonna be fine, just prepare for everything and anything he will throw your way. And trust me its gonna get worse before it gets better.