I don't have many bad days but when I do, he had better watch out because it's like the exorcist is in my house. Am I the only one? Or am I just using his bad decision as an excuse to act like an asshole? For what it's worth, he is trying.
I don't think WH's actions give me permission to be an asshole, but he is very understanding when I feel the need to be angry over something that he did a year ago (the A). I try and catch myself in the act ("am I frustrated over something specific, or just needing an excuse to be angry with him?" or "is my reaction reasonable?"). There are plenty of times when I snap at him and then end up apologizing for it later. WH is very understanding 99.9% of the time.
There are times though when I stuff the anger down. I don't think it's kind to dump on him 24/7 so if I have been really hard on him the last few days I will suck it up and deal with the emotion myself. I'm not sure if this is entirely healthy but I figure as long as I'm not doing this ALL the time it should be okay.
I spend a lot of time walking along throughout the day (to and from work to pick up the kids at daycare). I often find my mind wandering over to thoughts of the A and subsequent separation. I just wish I could have a minute on my own with a clear head
discovered 4 month long EA
R - slow and steady but very optimistic
D-Day, June 10, 2012
Not sure what the answer is. I thought maybe going to a gym, putting on gloves and headgear and bashing him for a couple of rounds. Just the thought seemed very satisfying to me. He wasn't that amused when I told him about it.
[This message edited by whattheh at 5:55 PM, April 5th (Saturday)]
Had too much wine and let him have it...he was patient....it all felt awful...felt like I should apologize and I did because it was way over and the "current great him" doesn't deserve it...a person can change and he did...I am angry still at the FORMER HIM (still him all one but not the behavior)....ah its all so complicated...him yet not him....I'm angry at that too...can't quite get my mind around WHO he is, was...blah, blah blah and on and one my thoughts circle....