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Newest Member: wileyconfused (46027)

User Topic: think i'm being played
justinpaintoday
♂ 42858
Member # 42858
Default  Posted: 12:24 PM, April 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wife went to cash a check. I moved my money from our joint account to my own (she never used it other than for cashing checks for cash). She called pissed and said I was playing dirty. I told her I was advised to seperate things to protect myself. Told her she would have to have a new payment source for her gym membership. Told her I didn;t want any of this (desire R) but have no choice but to prepare for life as a single dad.

Here's the eerie part. She said "Noproblem =)" via text . I think she is being advised to make no waves and try and trap me. She keeps saying "keep doing these things, I'll end up on top". eerie. I don;t trust her. Her mom is enabling her and that woman can be vindictive. I am being demonized to the extreme.


I never realized you could be in this much pain and not be dying.

Posts: 700 | Registered: Mar 2014
MichelleRenee
♀ 38880
Member # 38880
Default  Posted: 12:32 PM, April 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow, isn't it scarier when they are being nice!? I am more terrified when there is silence from my stbx than when he is ranting. I'm always on edge wondering what he's up to or preparing to screw me with. This is certainly the most unsettling event of my life.


Me - 37
lying cheating a-hole - 36
kids - 17,12,10
D-day 3/25/2013
Filed for divorce 3/26/2013

Posts: 66 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Chatsworth, Ca
GabyBaby
♀ 26928
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 12:35 PM, April 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Unremorseful WS/STBX love to play with your head. The more unbalanced you are, the more likely they'll get what they want.

IGNORE your STBX and keep records of what you withdrew from the account (and the source ie your paychecks, etc to prove it is indeed YOUR money).


Me - 42
SorryInSac (STBX WH#2) - 47. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - Done

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW) - Legally married 18yrs

I edit often for clarity/typos.


Posts: 6737 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
Softcentre
39166
Member # 39166
Default  Posted: 12:41 PM, April 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just double check with a lawyer.


Me: BW
Him: STBXWH 'The Arse' - passive aggressive, tt'ing, gaslighting...multiple EA's with different women (1 'proven') and at least 1 PA

Took a while, but I like the me I am, without him.

"Until God opens the next do


Posts: 1115 | Registered: May 2013 | From: UK
Gemini71
♀ 40115
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 12:53 PM, April 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'd also be sure to keep her texts saying "Noproblem =)". It could be construed as her consenting to the funds transfer.

ETA
Also keep track of household expenses that you are still paying, in case she tries to claim you left her high and dry.

[This message edited by Gemini71 at 12:54 PM, April 3rd (Thursday)]


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Double Betrayal D-Day 7/26/2013
Divorced 11/18/2014

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 2089 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
Gr8Lady
♀ 36307
Member # 36307
Default  Posted: 1:55 PM, April 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What does your innermost gut tell you?


There lies the key, as well as truth.


BS: Me (63yo)
FWH: HIM (65yo) serial infidelities over past 35 years
OW: Many, most recent 1/2 his age
DD: Multiple unconfirmed until 2012 when I presented evidence, plus LTA with his friends wife lasting 10 years. TT over past year
So done,

Posts: 628 | Registered: Jul 2012
tushnurse
♀ 21101
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 2:43 PM, April 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dude I am going to give you the same Advice I gave AD way way back.

Your wife is NPD, I believe. She is going to try to make you out to be the bad guy. YOU HAVE TO PROTECT YOURSELF.

Get a VAR, keep it on you for any face to face conversations, record any and all Telephone conversations, and for gods sake attempt to communicate with her via email only. These crazy vindictive women will do anything. Including false accusations of domestic violence. You don't want to have to deal with that. So protect yourself.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8893 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
IrishGirlVA
♀ 39694
Member # 39694
Default  Posted: 2:50 PM, April 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OK, I don't have any advice as to why she is playing "Ms. Nice" all of a sudden but because I work in the banking field, I have a few questions for you ---

Is that joint account still open? Did you simply just move your money out and open a new one in just your name while keeping the other one open for her? Are both accounts with the same bank?

If the joint account is still open and she cashes a bad check against it, that account will go negative if there is not enough money to cover the bounced check. Or perhaps it will go negative if she writes a bad check against the account. Either way, since your name is attached to the joint account (if still open) they will find your new account and take the money from you. Even though it was her check.

You may already know all this so my apologies if you read this and said, "Well, duh, I know that!". LOL

I'm just afraid she will be devious and screw you over financially by getting cash from writing bad checks or cashing bad checks.

[This message edited by IrishGirlVA at 2:53 PM, April 3rd (Thursday)]


Me, the "B": 42yo
Him, the "W": 38yo
DDay: June 2013
Status: Over

Posts: 370 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Virginia
justinpaintoday
♂ 42858
Member # 42858
Default  Posted: 5:03 PM, April 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks Irish. I shredded all the checks. She never had a debit card. It was basically my account with her on it. She would cash checks from her business against it. I told when i got home it was still open. She said "yeah i know theres a dollar. Thats what im worth". I told that i was advised to get a seperste account since we are getting divorced. She is really clueless. I said we should sit down and discuss finances to insure no suprises bit she wont. She was inconvenienced and hates me for it.

Oh well. I have pissed off the princess.


I never realized you could be in this much pain and not be dying.

Posts: 700 | Registered: Mar 2014
stronger08
♂ 16953
Member # 16953
Default  Posted: 4:18 AM, April 4th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Who the hell cares what she thinks. These are the types of small little comforts a WS comes to rely on. Take them away and they cry foul. But in real life these are the consequences of living the lifestyle that they do. Now that you are D'ing her she must be exposed to these consequences and any other that come along with her behaviors. And stop explaining yourself to her, she lost the right to the comforts of M the day she banged another guy. Just do yourself a favor and make sure to are prepared for her response. She will think she has the upper hand by doing something that's designed to piss you off. But if you plan ahead for it, she is just pissing in the wind. S/D is nothing more then a big game of one upsmanship. But if your prepared and react accordingly she is the one with egg on her face at the end of the day. Be smart, be cool and let her bury herself in the hole she has already dug.


You cant eat soup with chopsticks.

Posts: 5905 | Registered: Nov 2007
Sadwife222
♀ 40050
Member # 40050
Default  Posted: 5:34 AM, April 4th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know where you are but I can go into my bank and tell them I ran out of checks and they will provide me with a generic one and write in my account number. They will also reorder me some new ones.
I would think about either closing the joint account or getting your name off it, if you can. (And all joint accounts)


Me BW, Him WH (sosorry54)
DD 4/12/13
TT until 9/18/14

Posts: 151 | Registered: Jul 2013
Thefly559
♂ 40268
Member # 40268
Default  Posted: 6:32 AM, April 4th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dam this story sounds exactly like mine. You have gotten great advice here listen to it Good luck


"what does not kill you , makes you stronger"

Posts: 736 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: nyc
Abbondad
♂ 37898
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 7:57 AM, April 4th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dude I am going to give you the same Advice I gave AD way way back.

Just: Listen to TN.

It's a script--utterly predictable. Nobody here is prescient. They just have been through it and seen it played out countless times.

Listen and act. Be strong.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1692 | Registered: Dec 2012
one2ndchance
♀ 14759
Member # 14759
Default  Posted: 10:19 AM, April 4th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You may want to cancel any joint credit cards you have with her. Depending on the type of card it is, she can get a cash advance from it. You'd be stuck paying it back.


Me: BW 60
Him: STBXWH 62
Married: 25 years
DDay1: 2/2002; DDay2: 6/2012
Gave him his second chance and he blew it.
Divorce final: 9/2014

Posts: 486 | Registered: May 2007 | From: California
Topic Posts: 14

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