"You give me that bottom of the 9th, last at bat, tied game, grand slam, full of butterflies kind of feeling." - My Husband
Hi RM, welcome to SI.
I suggest you check out the Healing Library. (Yellow box to the left) There is a wealth of information there.
If you haven't already, cut off any and all contact with APs. Be completely transparent with you BS. All electronic devices, social media, email, etc. Make sure she knows your whereabouts. Back it up by texting pics of where you are. Put a GPS tracker on your phone for her. Whatever she needs. Are you in counseling? I suggest considering that. You need to find out why you did and how to fix you.
Hope you find the help you need here.
"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne