I think you need to give yourself permission to leave the marriage if things don't change. I get the whole "sickness and health" issue, I do, but there comes a point where you have to choose your own health. Being married to a mentally ill person who isn't doing what they can to get well is harmful to you.
Is his medication working?his he seeing a good psychiatrist for that? This is the first step, and that often requires time to sort out. Once meds are optimal, counseling is more effective as his brain chemistry will function in a way that makes interactions more comfortable. He should also be seeing an IC, as generally, psychiatrists don't do a good job of that.
It took a fairly long time for my SAFWHs meds to kick in. We didn't do MC for quite a long time. But his attitude of remorse was apparent very soon. IC helped me to achieve a necessary level of detachment.
