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Wife left me for her boss. Now D

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allatsea posted 4/4/2014 05:17 AM

Hello everyone,

I'm finally here! Just over a year to get divorced. Financial hearing in June and then I'm totally free.

I'm sure there will be some more ups and downs, but for now I'm just happy to be alongside Abbondad and sharing the journey with all of you



Kajem posted 4/4/2014 06:41 AM

Welcome to your new beginning AAS.

Merlin posted 4/4/2014 07:33 AM

And so begins the task.

Best to all your efforts AAS.

Abbondad posted 4/4/2014 07:37 AM

Awesome, AAS. We did it. Pull up a stool for a toast.

Williesmom posted 4/4/2014 07:47 AM

Holy Hell! Abbondad is bringing a posse!

Welcome to all.

wildbananas posted 4/4/2014 08:43 AM

Welcome, AAS!

tushnurse posted 4/4/2014 11:06 AM

Wow !!!! Crazy that you both ended up D in the same week.


FaithFool posted 4/4/2014 11:08 AM

Welcome to our new graduates. Don't forget to check out the Fun and Games thread, especially Stupid Picture Friday.

EvenKeel posted 4/4/2014 11:58 AM

Welcome the newbies to NB!

wonderingbull posted 4/4/2014 12:41 PM

Welcome my man...

Decompress and know that your tomorrows will be better than your yesterdays...


seekingright2013 posted 4/4/2014 18:33 PM

Welcome, AAS! So glad you made it through.

Brandon808 posted 4/5/2014 22:04 PM

Welcome AAS

homewrecked2011 posted 4/6/2014 01:52 AM

Yay!!! congrats to you for being ready for this part of your life!

stronger08 posted 4/6/2014 03:03 AM

Welcome to the warm side of the pool bro. It sure beats the cold ass deep end that is JFO don't it ? Take your time, don't rush into things and you will be just fine.

little turtle posted 4/6/2014 14:03 PM

ButterflyGirl posted 4/6/2014 18:35 PM

So glad we made it down here. Where shall we start first?

Does an adult hip hop dance class count as a New Beginning?

[This message edited by ButterflyGirl at 6:55 PM, April 6th (Sunday)]

allatsea posted 4/7/2014 04:38 AM

Thanks for making all feel so welcome.

The best group of people I'll probably never meet. You are all such good friends.

Thank you


allatsea posted 4/8/2014 09:59 AM

My new beginning hasn't got off to the best start. I seem to have regressed many months of healing. My mind spends inappropriate amounts of time dwelling on what I and my boys have lost. The boys don't see it fully yet but I'm feeling sorry for myself and still can't quite believe she did this to me.

I know she claims to have not been happy so I've been replaying our marriage over and over, particularly the last couple of years. I had mild depression but recovered from that quickly. Her life seems rosy and could well be happy, for all I know. But I then think that someone as happy as she purports wouldn't have been so nasty, blame shifting and cruel. I guess I'm still trying to understand.

Meanwhile, my evenings are quite and lonely and hers are full of family, baby talk and my noisy children. She carries on without any perceivable loss to her life. She's lost nothing.

I guess I'm in a bit of a dip in the rollercoaster ride

norabird posted 4/8/2014 12:39 PM


I think that the momentum of D can help keep the rollercoaster from having so many dips. There is a goal, and you can focus your energy on it.

Now, without that target, it's natural to have more reflection. It's final--that will take some time to sink in.

But she has not lost nothing. She has lost you. And you are wonderful. You know you are not 'nothing', I hope. If she can somehow show no impact from that? Well, of course you can't understand that--it's not normal. And you can't make her understand that it isn't normal, you can't impact the facade she is presenting and prove that it is flawed. How frustrating.

I think to mourn now, to be bewildered and hurt, is natural. I hope you also have new, good things for yourself to focus on. What would those be? Once you've felt the feelings...what do you want to do with those evenings, when you're ready? What do you want your life to be filled by? Don't worry about her so much; that's out of your control. But you have all the control over yourself now.

allatsea posted 4/9/2014 00:42 AM

Thanks so much for your post.
Sometimes I can't see what's right in front of me. Yes, she lait me. I am not nothing.

Next milestone is coping with the wonderful news about the newborn from my children followed shortly after by the financial hearing.

One day at a time

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