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4everfaithful83 posted 4/4/2014 16:27 PM

Hey all!

My one year DDAY anniversary is coming up in nearly 2 months.

Firstly - I cannot believe that nearly a year has passed already! They say "time fly's when you're having fun"...well it must fly when your miserable and going through hell too!!

My question for anyone with advice is...What can I expect from my one year DDAY anniversary? I scared of what it actually means...I'm scared of what will happen to my emotions. R has been going pretty smooth lately and I have been feeling better. I guess I'm afraid of a "relapse" in emotions...

Also, WBF is not the type to bring up the A, and I have a feeling he will not acknowledge the A anniversary at all. Am I suppose to bring it up? Leave it be...I'm confused! And to make it more confusing, DDAY is the night before WBF's birthday...even though I know he put himself in this situation, I still find myself not wanting to ruin his bday by making DDAY the sole focus...

On a side note:

The one year anniversary of the first day WBF met OW is a month away, and we are actually taking a vacation, which I'm really looking forward to. It was his idea and I want to take back (I know that sounds silly) those days and make them our own again.

I know this post is all over the place, but any help or opinions from you guys would be awesome. Thanks for reading!

strengthandhope posted 4/4/2014 16:35 PM

Firstly - I cannot believe that nearly a year has passed already! They say "time fly's when you're having fun"...well it must fly when your miserable and going through hell too!!

I am having a shit day and you just made me LOL. I do have a twisted sense of humor. Thank you for that.

Anyway, you need to do what you need to do to feel safe and as stress free as possible. If you choose not to bring it up, will it be at the back of your mind all day/week? Maybe you don't have to 'celebrate' it...like on that exact day, but have a discussion a week or so before, to get things off your chest?

That way you can concentrate on you BF on his special day. If he is working hard and doing the right things, I agree with you, he deserves a decent birthday.

Good luck, these things are never easy. One minute of discovery can ruin your life, and it takes months and years to *maybe* rebuild. Frustrating.

4everfaithful83 posted 4/5/2014 10:58 AM

Thanks strengthandhope, I really appreciate your kind words. You are certainly right that a minute of discovery can take a very long time rebuild...and it is very frustrating!

As odd as it sounds, I don't want to ruin his birthday. But at the same time, I feel like I have rights and emotions that need to be addressed.

On DDAY I discovered text late at night and I had planned a huge surprise party for WBF the next night...boy what fun that was! I literally wanted to die, but I put on a happy face and we went...no one even knew anything had happened...

Morhurt posted 4/5/2014 13:54 PM

I don't really have a DDay "date", more a season of TT (with two major truth days, one in April, one in June)I guess. The first clue I had was on H's b-day so I can relate to that part.

This year was a milestone b-day and I agonized over how to make it work. In the end he worked a half-day, we went out for lunch and spent the afternoon alone together. I made a simple dinner (that he and the kids love) and a cake. The kids had cards and gifts for him. It was special and close but not over the top. He loved it and felt so grateful that I was willing to do anything for him. Throughout the day we discussed the A and what had happened the year before etc. but it never took over.

For me the key was planning it ahead of time and clearly expressing my fears and worries to him leading up to his b-day.

Good luck, I hope it turns out to be empowering for you.

seekingtomorrow posted 4/5/2014 14:06 PM

I have two d-days. I told my wh that they were my days to do whatever I needed to survive. The anniversary of d-day one I chose to stay away from him, went for lunch with the only friend who knew. Spent some money on myself (something rare as he had wasted any spare money for years and put us in debt) had a day just tending to my wounds and all in all it wasn't as bad as I expected. Dday 2 was a few months later but I needed something very different that time. I told him I was hurting and needed to be cared for. Then he spent a day tending to my wounds.

musiclovingmom posted 4/5/2014 15:38 PM

I had a busy day on my dday antiversary. My older son (not quite 2 at the time) had an echo and then my H and I were leaving town for the weekend. We had to get the boys to his parents' and pack ourselves. We had dinner with my parents and dancing with some friends in a nearby town that evening. Honestly, the week or so leading up to dday was worse than the actual day. We spent a lot of time in that week talking and rehashing. I shared my fears and he comforted me. Then the day came and went and I was left thinking 'that wasn't nearly as bad as I expected.'