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debi9kids (original poster member #33208) posted at 12:18 AM on Saturday, April 5th, 2014
3 1/2 years ago he cheated.
Had a baby with the woman.
He chose our family and for 3 years it's been "good". (at times trying, but good)
10 months ago things started to go sour.
It immediately made me assume he was cheating again.
He stopped touching me and started with the insults "you're too fat", "too ugly", "you just don't turn me on".
We started counseling together again.
And were making progress.
Until last week when he decided to just end it all.
I checked his phone records and he is talking to her again.
I have no idea how long it's been going on and nothing he says matters anymore.
He's a flat-out LIAR.
And my heart is still broken.
Because I'm apparently a HUGE doormat.
Never thought I would be dealing with this crap.
I'm definitely in the VERY early stages of grief because I'm a freakin mess.
I'm pissed one second and bawling the next.
I have ZERO desire to eat but shove a bottle of alcohol in front of me and I would down that sucker (I'm not. I know better, but still...)
I know it's all baby steps but this is just plain old bullshit 
Me: 42 Him: 41
OW: 43 (crazy stalker)
Married: 18 years, together 22
Children: 20 ds, 19dd, 18dd, 16ds, 15ds, 15ds, 12ds, twins: 7dd & 7ds
confirmed OC 3ds
nowiknow23 ( member #33226) posted at 12:34 AM on Saturday, April 5th, 2014
Oh, honey. I'm so very sorry. ((((((debi9kids))))))
What an ass. What a blameshifting, abusive ass. You are NOT a doormat - you are a woman who has been fighting for her marriage. He's a lying, cheating, false R fronting jackass. And he does NOT deserve you.
Sending you strength for the journey ahead and comfort for the pain you are feeling. There are far better days ahead of you, honey. I promise.
((((more hugs))))
You can call me NIK
And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane
courageous ( member #34477) posted at 12:53 AM on Saturday, April 5th, 2014
I'm so sorry. I know it hurts a lot. You are NOT a doormat. You are a very strong woman who gave a lying, cheating, a-hole a precious gift of a second chance. He doesn't deserve you.
You know that he is insulting you because he needs to cut you down to make himself feel better.... You are not fat or ugly. He is ugly...inside and out.
(Debi9kids).
Me: BW (in my 40's) Him: ExWH EA/PA with MOW coworker(also married). He ended up marrying his mistress.
Leia ( member #42510) posted at 1:00 AM on Saturday, April 5th, 2014
So sorry for your pain. Like the others, he isn't worth you and it says a lot about you to give your marriage a second chance. Remember when he's cutting you down, that it is more lies from a liar. Lots of hugs.
"Somebody get this walking carpet out of my way." Princess Leia, Star Wars
HurtsButImOK ( member #38865) posted at 1:03 AM on Saturday, April 5th, 2014
(((Hugs, hugs and more hugs)))
So very sorry you find yourself here after giving him the gift of R. Try and take care of yourself and your babies. You deserve better.
Me: Awesome - 35.... ummm, not anymore
"I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel". –Maya Angelou
SadInNC ( member #42170) posted at 2:20 AM on Saturday, April 5th, 2014
Hi debi9kids. You are NOT a doormat. He IS a lying, cheating asshole. I'm so sorry for your pain.
(((debi9kids)))
BS/Me WH/Him
"Your value doesn't decrease based on someone's inability to see your worth." -Unknown Wise Person
freeatlast72 ( member #42758) posted at 2:33 AM on Saturday, April 5th, 2014
Screw him!! He is a LIAR and a cheater!
No contact his ASS!
BS:42(me)
Kids: DD7
DDay: 12/31/2013
Married 15 years
DIVORCED!!!
You can't rationalize irrational behavior.
tryingagain74 ( member #33698) posted at 2:38 AM on Saturday, April 5th, 2014
I'm sorry. We're here for you.
(((debi9kids)))
FBS; now happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley
nekorb ( member #40306) posted at 3:43 AM on Saturday, April 5th, 2014
He stopped touching me and started with the insults "you're too fat", "too ugly", "you just don't turn me on".
FTG. Are you kidding me right now? How the hell did you get nine kids if you can't turn your husband on?
Lying, cheating jerk. Blame shifting abusive...wait - I love that line in NatureGirl's sig...abusive troglodyte...yes. We may have to borrow that from her.
(((Debi9kid))). I'm so sorry things have ended up this way for you. You did your best. You can't do it for both of you.
Lawyer up, honey.
Oh - and water. Drink your water. Leave the alcohol where it is. No. EAT whether you want to or not. It will get better.
[This message edited by nekorb at 9:44 PM, April 4th (Friday)]
Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 M - 22 Years
D-day: 7/2013; D filed 7/2014; Divorced 7-27-16
...the WS affair starts off in a dreamland where everything is all Golly, Wow! and Meant To Be! and Soul Mates drop from the trees to frolic in the mist. -devotedman
Kajem ( member #36134) posted at 3:59 AM on Saturday, April 5th, 2014
((((((((((((Debi9kids)))))))))))))
Life will get better... I promise!
Till then, know that we care!
Hugs,
K
I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - UnknownRelationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.
hexed ( member #19258) posted at 4:08 AM on Saturday, April 5th, 2014
((debi))
i'm so sorry!
i'm going to be practical for a minute. get yourself to the lawyer on monday. if there are OC you need to file for CS immediately.
But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned
“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler
RedWheelBarrow ( member #38966) posted at 8:04 AM on Saturday, April 5th, 2014
Ugh. So sorry. What a loser! What a fucking loser. He has another chance with you, and his kids, and he blows it again.
He sucks.
What helped me in the early days, practically-speaking, was smoothies. I made them, I bought them, people brought them to me. I could not seem to *chew* food at all for maybe 2 months - but I could suck down a 700 calorie banana-almond smoothie, or whatever other flavor. It kept me alive, and healthy-ish.
((hugs))
Me: BW 50
Him:Peter Pan late 50's
DS: 13
Married 14 years, together 17 years
DDay #1 Nov.2012, plus more, more, more!
OW : 25 years younger
Divorced!
Gemini71 ( member #40115) posted at 8:13 AM on Saturday, April 5th, 2014
Slim-Fast or other nutrition shakes work well. Just make sure they have some nutrients in them to help keep you going.
((debi9kids))
DSs 21, 16, 12
About my Ex:
IDK
IDC
IDGAF
Double Betrayal D-Day 7/26/2013
Divorced 11/18/2014
Vulcanized ( member #33523) posted at 8:35 AM on Saturday, April 5th, 2014
(((Debi)))
I'm sorry you are dealing w/such a colossal FT.
Slim Fast is good, Ensure is good, oatmeal is also easy to get down (and if you are a puker, easy to get back up).
(((more hugs)))
FTG.
Me: fBW/MH 40s
3.26.13: Liberation day: D'd the whiny turd after being saddled with a serial cheating, NPD, jitbag 10 years too long
Now:-----> Everything is as it should be
Williesmom ( member #22870) posted at 12:09 AM on Sunday, April 6th, 2014
You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright
thenon-goddess ( member #31229) posted at 12:35 AM on Sunday, April 6th, 2014
Hey Debi, I have checked in on you on "the other board" a couple of times, but didn't expect this update. I'm so sorry to read this. Is he still living at home?
debi9kids (original poster member #33208) posted at 6:02 PM on Tuesday, April 8th, 2014
@thenon-goddess He is for now. UGH
2 nights a week he is in PA but he's looking for his own place now. Thank God.
Thank you everyone for food suggestions.
I've been living off of Cream of Wheat and Slim Fast.
As time goes by I definitely realize I am SO much better off without him.
Me: 42 Him: 41
OW: 43 (crazy stalker)
Married: 18 years, together 22
Children: 20 ds, 19dd, 18dd, 16ds, 15ds, 15ds, 12ds, twins: 7dd & 7ds
confirmed OC 3ds
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