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Newest Member: NumbEmptySad (61504)

User Topic: 2 years from D-day today
♀ 35248
Member # 35248
Default  Posted: 6:23 PM, April 4th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's now been 2 years since D-day. I am definitely on the 5 year plan. I still have days that are brutally hard and where it all feels so fresh. I still cry over it. I still get angry about it.

My H bounces back and forth from being supportive to being frustrated over how I am feeling. I know that is not helping my recovery.

I haven't been posting much but I still read here quite a bit. I've honestly been reading in the Wayward forums most of all. I want to understand the mindset. I want to understand. That's something I haven't reached yet.

This sucks.

Posts: 60 | Registered: Apr 2012
♀ 31349
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 6:43 PM, April 4th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." - Deeply Scared's mom

Posts: 29076 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
♀ 40139
Member # 40139
Default  Posted: 9:56 PM, April 4th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry. I'm one year out... my H said today that repentance was depressing. I think he's tired of feeling bad, tired of being the reason I'm sad, and just wants to see me happy. I can't help thinking that he should have considered that all before. I'm grateful for all the people further down the road who assure us that healing will come.


Me: Believer, 40s
Him: Liar, 40s
Married 19 years
1 year EA/2 month PA/incidental infidelities I can't begin to process
OC born 2014
In successful R. It only hurts now when it rains.

Posts: 865 | Registered: Jul 2013
♂ 31240
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 11:04 PM, April 4th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


fBH (me) - 66 on d-day, Married 43, together 45 on d-day, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
Most of us know only our own experience. That's not enough data to support a general rule that D, or R, is right in every sitch.

Posts: 16804 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Illinois
♀ 36813
Member # 36813
Default  Posted: 6:10 AM, April 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In a few weeks I will also be 2 years out and I'm with you on the two year plan. I still struggle from time to time with the how could you?! I was nothing but good to you, needed you for the first time in our lives together, and was carrying your child. The chid you suggested we have!! Last month and this month is absolute torture!!

Posts: 318 | Registered: Sep 2012
♀ 35387
Member # 35387
Default  Posted: 6:41 AM, April 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I'm 10 days from my 2 year antiversary. I understand exactly how you are feeling.

We will probably never understand why/how they did what they did. We just need to try to accept that it happened.

Married 10 years, together for 12 years
2 children (9 years & 6 years)
Discovery of PA 04/15/12 (It only lasted a "couple of weeks" but it still shattered my world.)

Posts: 482 | Registered: Apr 2012
♂ 41922
Member # 41922
Default  Posted: 6:43 AM, April 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm 15 years out. I've read relevant psychological literature and, yes honestly, many of the great literary studies of unfaithfulness. And to be frank, at the time of my wife's two year betrayal, I was working more than I should have been (though she seemed happy I was).
And I will never understand Why she betrayed me, never. Oh, I can cognize reasons, but there is a mental level where they never "compute." Where my mind refuses,simply will not credit(hence no "why" works) to believe the person I most trusted and utterly adored could look me in the face,many times, smile at me--and lie.
This is one of the great effects, damages of deep betrayal. Your (mine anyway) being is no longer contiguous,one fabric. You are split. This happens with child molestation and rape victims and-not to whine, it sure happened to me.

Posts: 198 | Registered: Jan 2014
♀ 35248
Member # 35248
Default  Posted: 1:35 PM, April 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all so much for the support. I know this is the only place I know I can come where other people really understand what I am feeling.

I have felt numb for the past day. I was an emotional wreck all week and was actually worse on Wednesday (d-day was a Wednesday) than I was on the actual date.

When everything went down it was basically a week of just horrific events and I've been mentally reliving that.

I'm starting to feel like I'm waiting for something that will never come. This understanding I've been seeking. Some type of justice. The karma bus to strike. I just feel like I was crushed and they walked away free and clear and that just doesn't sit well with me.

Posts: 60 | Registered: Apr 2012
♂ 38601
Member # 38601
Default  Posted: 2:34 AM, April 6th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OMG cornpop30, i found someone that FEELS the way i do, i know there is other people here that hurt, but i too feel your feeling of pain,hurt, resentment,wanting to GET even, and all i can do is hurt and slowly decay inside, i am waiting for the day when myself and the OP cross paths, i hope to put the fear of god in him, he thinks he got away with screwing my wife, and i have shamed her at times for 4 years, I'm not mean, but when she starts her crap about some woman hitting on me, all i say, is, yes SHE hit on me, but that doesn't mean i am going to have sex with her, that was one of her excuses about her affair, that he hit on her daily,(they worked together). i wish i had the answer for you, but i believe that we all have different ways to heal, either by revenge, or confrontation, or just giving up, i hope you find your way and ease the pain, good luck, and god bless

Posts: 22 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: p.a.
Topic Posts: 9

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