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Newest Member: Else (61873)

User Topic: Wow. I do believe I finally get it....and will file.
♀ 29792
Member # 29792
Default  Posted: 10:30 PM, April 4th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep, it has taken me four years and numerous Ddays to learn that it has never really stopped...So, now we are seperated, and I asked for the truth. I think he actually gave me the truth this time: he has tried for four years to let go of his love for this OW and has not been able to stop his feelings. We have struggled for four years to reconcile, and had made progress, but all for not, as his affair never really ended for good.

I have bawled my eyes out to my parents, and at this point, I am just ready to move on. FOR REAL!

I knwo it's going to hurt for a while, and will probably come up at weird times, but it has been four years of Ddays and so much is my own fault that I am still with him.

I feel terrible to do this to our kids, but he believes the will be "fine" cause they seem fine now with our seperation...honestly? They believe we are getting some space between us to learn how to be better parents and get along better...

Me, the BS:38 43
WH...STBX:39 44
3 kids, 16+ years

Posts: 530 | Registered: Oct 2010
♀ 42092
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 10:38 PM, April 4th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry. But this realization is the first step into a new life. One where you aren't constantly worrying, doubting, feeling insecure, being hurt, letting yourself be disrespected.

Everyone gets to done at a different point. And yes, I think long after 'done' and into the D process it still hurts, you still will cry. But you will have peace too. You will know you tried your hardest, did your best, and that now its time to focus on you. Your kids will struggle, sure, but you can help them. I hope they can get some counseling on their own. I hope you can too.

And your own new beginning will start to open up for you amidst the pain. Closure is a gift--being done and able to walk away with your head high is a gift too. No one can fault you for not giving it your all. And there is no shame either in having invested so much or in realizing you have to pull the plug.

Good luck honey.

Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4324 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
♀ 40144
Member # 40144
Default  Posted: 1:08 AM, April 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry. I can hear your pain. I hope your new path will bring you to a place of peace. Four years.... You have tried. You have given it your best effort. I am so sorry he couldnt be the man he should have been. You deserved better. I wish you and your children strength and peace.

Me: BS49+ 😝, Him: WH 51
M 24 years - DD21 DS19 DS17
LTA = 2+ yrs, Dday = 2/10/13, S for 1 year, now Reconciling

Posts: 1489 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: MidWest
♀ 42863
Member # 42863
Default  Posted: 7:57 AM, April 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((T_T_D))) I am so sorry. From what I've read here, I think there are many of us who hang on longer than we should, hoping.

You have given your M and your WH every chance, much more than he deserves. Now give yourself a chance. YOU deserve peace and happiness and self-respect and a life free from doubt and roller coasters.

The process of divorce is going to suck, no question. But try picturing yourself in 5 years, you and your kids thriving and happy and strong. Walk toward that light.

Me: 47 WH: 48
Married 22 years, 4 kids
DDay: 3/5/14, 7 yr LTA plus rising ONS body count
Status: currently riding the coaster from hell

Posts: 107 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Virginia
♂ 30221
Member # 30221
Default  Posted: 8:17 AM, April 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's a stark moment but often enough a necessary one. You will find support here.

"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself." D. H. Lawrence

Her: WW/57 Me: BS/63 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11

Posts: 1164 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: East Coast
♀ 38121
Member # 38121
Default  Posted: 11:35 AM, April 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The only thing wrong with your situation is that your husband let you waste 4 years of your life working hard to try to reconcile - when he clearly wasn't in it to win it.

So that's on him.

You've wasted enough of your life on a man who clearly doesn't deserve the love of a decent woman.

You might be scared, but the day is coming when you'll be SO happy you finally did this.

I promise.

Be careful - that 'knight in shining armor' may very well be nothing more than an assclown wrapped in tin foil.
ME: 50+ years old and cute as a button :-)
Ex-WBF: Just a lying, cheating, gravy-sucking pig - and I left him in 2012.

Posts: 6327 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
Can Not Believe
♀ 30508
Member # 30508
Default  Posted: 12:03 PM, April 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I have a sister who is bi-polar - on 3 different types of medication. Right now she is practically alienated from our entire immediate family (5 other siblings and in-laws + children).

With her erratic behavior, outbursts, controlling nature, vindictiveness, willingness to do ANYTHING in the moment to prevail, threats to destroy and threatening your job if she does not get her way - those are some of the things that she does. We consider her too dangerous to be around.

The OW who will end up with your husband will be in for a BIG surprise once she gets him to herself. He will not be able to change who he essentially is - for her. She will just have to find out the hard way. And - SHE WILL.

YOU - on the other hand - will get this "monster" out of your life. You and your children will experience more peace and harmony in your home. Things will settle down to what it should have been all the time - and then you will realize what a BLESSING it was - to get that man out of your life.

Just give itt time. You'll see.

I cannot believe this is a part of my life.

Me: BW - 65 FWH - 65 years old
Married: 44+ years 2 sons (33 & 38)
Possible OC: 32 years old/29 at the time
DD: Friday - August 13, 2010
OC refused paternity test
No Contact since June/2011

Posts: 325 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: New Jersey
♀ 29792
Member # 29792
Default  Posted: 6:15 PM, April 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you everyone! Astonishingly, I awoke to texts from him that he will forever regret what he has done, that he has lost his best friend,...I knew they would come...just didn't expect them s soon.
My reply: Leave me be.

Aahhhh, it's like a breath of fresh air.

Me, the BS:38 43
WH...STBX:39 44
3 kids, 16+ years

Posts: 530 | Registered: Oct 2010
♀ 21101
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 6:45 PM, April 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You deserve better. Time to get it. Show those teens what a stein woman who demands respect and real honor and love looks like.

Him: FWS
Kids: 18 & 20
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.

Posts: 13439 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Topic Posts: 9

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