I have bawled my eyes out to my parents, and at this point, I am just ready to move on. FOR REAL!
I knwo it's going to hurt for a while, and will probably come up at weird times, but it has been four years of Ddays and so much craziness...it is my own fault that I am still with him.
I feel terrible to do this to our kids, but he believes the will be "fine" cause they seem fine now with our seperation...honestly? They believe we are getting some space between us to learn how to be better parents and get along better...
Everyone gets to done at a different point. And yes, I think long after 'done' and into the D process it still hurts, you still will cry. But you will have peace too. You will know you tried your hardest, did your best, and that now its time to focus on you. Your kids will struggle, sure, but you can help them. I hope they can get some counseling on their own. I hope you can too.
And your own new beginning will start to open up for you amidst the pain. Closure is a gift--being done and able to walk away with your head high is a gift too. No one can fault you for not giving it your all. And there is no shame either in having invested so much or in realizing you have to pull the plug.
Good luck honey.
You have given your M and your WH every chance, much more than he deserves. Now give yourself a chance. YOU deserve peace and happiness and self-respect and a life free from doubt and roller coasters.
The process of divorce is going to suck, no question. But try picturing yourself in 5 years, you and your kids thriving and happy and strong. Walk toward that light.
Her: WW/57 Me: BS/63 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11
So that's on him.
You've wasted enough of your life on a man who clearly doesn't deserve the love of a decent woman.
You might be scared, but the day is coming when you'll be SO happy you finally did this.
I have a sister who is bi-polar - on 3 different types of medication. Right now she is practically alienated from our entire immediate family (5 other siblings and in-laws + children).
With her erratic behavior, outbursts, controlling nature, vindictiveness, willingness to do ANYTHING in the moment to prevail, threats to destroy and threatening your job if she does not get her way - those are some of the things that she does. We consider her too dangerous to be around.
The OW who will end up with your husband will be in for a BIG surprise once she gets him to herself. He will not be able to change who he essentially is - for her. She will just have to find out the hard way. And - SHE WILL.
YOU - on the other hand - will get this "monster" out of your life. You and your children will experience more peace and harmony in your home. Things will settle down to what it should have been all the time - and then you will realize what a BLESSING it was - to get that man out of your life.
Just give itt time. You'll see.
Me: BW - 62 FWH - 62 years old
Married: 41+ years 2 sons (34 & 30)
Possible OC: 32 years old/29 at the time
DD: Friday - August 13, 2010
OC refused paternity test
No Contact since June/2011
Aahhhh, it's like a breath of fresh air.