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Reconciliation :
Portraits of Forgiveness

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 JustShine (original poster member #42195) posted at 12:54 PM on Saturday, April 5th, 2014

I've been having a really really rough week. I haven't been able to shake the feeling that some of the things H did during his affair are just unforgivable. And that both of us would forever be tainted by his actions.

Then I ran across this NY Times article this morning, and it helped me snap out of it immediately. It's not about infidelity. It's about the Rwandan genocide. But both the perpetrators and the victims look strong and beautiful to me. It made me realize that both me and H can be strong and beautiful after this, too. We aren't forever tainted, and I need to let that fear go.

http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2014/04/06/magazine/06-pieter-hugo-rwanda-portraits.html?smid=fb-nytimes&WT.z_sma=MG_POR_20140404&bicmp=AD&bicmlukp=WT.mc_id&bicmst=1388552400000&bicmet=1420088400000&_r=3

DDay 10/23/13

Me 42, he 44
3 kids

posts: 204   ·   registered: Jan. 24th, 2014
id 6748727
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Lowlow ( member #38653) posted at 1:10 PM on Saturday, April 5th, 2014

Very powerful. Gives me something to think about. The article made the process sound easy (or at least downplayed it). It would be nice to see how the AMI did its work to bring these people together.

Me (BS) 41 Him (FWS) 42 at time of confession

Reconciling

posts: 879   ·   registered: Mar. 7th, 2013   ·   location: Neither here nor there
id 6748736
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Neverwudaguessed ( member #41884) posted at 1:29 PM on Saturday, April 5th, 2014

I have been struggling with the very same fears; that no matter what my husband does to make his and our lives better, I may never be able to forgive the betrayal. Both he and our MC say that it just may be possible that it will be too hard for me to get past but I should just take it one day at a time instead of looking so far forward.

Oh, but reading that article is so incredibly humbling; what those human beings had to endure is so unthinkable. Just to remain standing in the face of such atrocities is almost unfathomable. But to be able to stand next the perpetrators of the devastating acts and offer forgiveness is such an amazing testament to the strength and compassion of the human spirit. You have given me so much to contemplate today. Thank you very much….

BW: 46 Me
WH:50
DDay1 9-9-13 (18th Wedding Anniversary) 6 wk EA, 1 wk PA
DDay2: 10-25-13 EA/PA with same OW 14 1/2 years ago for 2 or 3 months
OW: XGF Predator who never stopped pursuing WH
DS 15
DD 13

posts: 1813   ·   registered: Jan. 2nd, 2014   ·   location: New York
id 6748750
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eachdayisvictory ( member #40462) posted at 1:55 PM on Saturday, April 5th, 2014

thank you for that link.

inspiring.

unbelievable.

humbling.

me, BW: 37
FWH: 38
together 19 years, M 13 years
Dday: Feb 2013
LTA for 2+years
children: 2 boys age 6 and 9
Reconciled

posts: 530   ·   registered: Aug. 28th, 2013   ·   location: nova Scotia, Canada
id 6748768
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