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Newest Member: sadbutnotbroken (49427)

User Topic: I'm falling apart
♀ 42853
Member # 42853
Default  Posted: 7:54 AM, April 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Some days are better than others, but the last few have been ripping me apart. I feel like I'm going to go crazy. I can't listen to certain songs without wanting to burst into tears, I can't get what he did out of my head even though seems genuinely remorseful. I don't know if I can stay in this marriage.

I love him so, so much. The one person who promised me that they'd never burt me, has hurt me more than anyone I can think of. I'm so destroyed that I physically hurt. I want to crawl into a ball and cry and sleep for days. I am devastated beyond what I ever imagined. And even as I sit here sobbing while I type, I know I'll somehow get through this. I just didnt want to live my life without him ever. I just feel that living with him is opening up myself for more hurt later on and I honestly know I wouldn't be able to handle this again. I can't. I won't.

Sorry for venting...this is my first post.

Posts: 262 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Raspberry
♀ 41407
Member # 41407
Default  Posted: 8:17 AM, April 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Never apologize for venting. It isn't healthy to keep it all inside. At this point you must turn your focus onto YOU. Be gentle with yourself, the pain is unimaginable, but make small healthy choices for yourself. Eat well, sleep when you can and stay hydrated. You might try to take small walks. When you feel that you can, read in the Healing Library. Do not think about is all about you for now.

Me: faithful wife 62.
Him: WH 64 , prostitute 20 yr old
DDay: 8-13-2013
Status: boinging up and down like a yo-yo

Posts: 722 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Florida
♀ 42833
Member # 42833
Default  Posted: 8:21 AM, April 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Really sorry you find yourself on here.
My discovery day was 5 weeks ago and it's tough !! Wish there were some words that could help you get through this.
If I say things get easier I would be lying, but you kind of get used to the pain.
You may ask him loads of questions. Some repeatedly. The answers hurt, but somewhat Help us accept his cheating. It's the continuing lies that have hindered me.

I hope your H starts to be completely honest with you from the start of this mess.

Big hugs xxx

Dday 19th feb 2014
P on swinging site.
Trying to R. still love the SOB.

Posts: 51 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Wales
♂ 42858
Member # 42858
Default  Posted: 8:30 AM, April 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Raspberry. First I am so sorry you have to be here but I promise you are in a safe place. We have all walked or have been walking the same road of betrayal....

I read your post and it sounds like me (and others) 3 months ago. When did you find out? I want to explain the stages of grief...YOU ARE GOING THROUGH A SIGNIFICANT TRAUMA. Your bodies first reaction is shock. The stages are Denial and Bargaining. Here you will think fixing the issue is straight forward and can be emotionally compartmentalized. WARNING: This is not sustainable long term. You will have Anger, Depression and Acceptance as well.

Look over to the left in the Healing Library (above Dr Phils face). Please reach out to us here. Many more will post. KNow this, the pain you feel is intense. The one person who thought would have your back has betrayed you. Your hopes, dreams and even daily assumptions are now all in question. I GET IT. Been there, still there in some regard. I promise you will make it through. There are critical resources for you and a truly remorseful spouse on this site. Ask us any question. we will be there for you. You are now in the club

I never realized you could be in this much pain and not be dying.

Posts: 700 | Registered: Mar 2014
♀ 42853
Member # 42853
Default  Posted: 8:44 AM, April 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all. Now I'm sobbing again. :( I found out that he was looking at massage parlors and escorts when I was 7 1/2 months pregnant. 2 weeks later (I honestly believe from all the stress) I had a massive bleed and had to have an emergency csection. He swore he had only gotten a hand job ONCE years ago and was just "looking". For 8 months after, the trust was gone, I never believed a word he said.

I knew he had a secret email because when I found the sites, there was a yahoo mail tab open but he doesnt use those emails anymore. I'm not a moron. So for 8 months I pressed and pressed. Finally admitted to going to atleast 5 escorts. 2 for the nasty body massage /happy ending finish and 3 for blowjobs. He swears they wore condoms (I wasn't born yesterday and highly doubt he paid $120 for a covered bj).

I still don't believe him. I feel he's been doing this throughout our 9 years married but is trickle truthing me to death. I demanded a polygraph and he said he will take it. I told him its better that he tells me all now (if there were more, if he didnt use protection, and if he had actual sex). He says he will take it.

I haven't set that up yet but I will. But life as I know it is not and will never be the same. I can't eat (lost 11 lbs in 3 weeks) and am supposed to go on vacation with him next month.

I just want to wake up from this.

Posts: 262 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Raspberry
♀ 42833
Member # 42833
Default  Posted: 8:53 AM, April 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Raspberry. We are in similar situations. Mine was on a swinging site. Admitted sleeping with 2, met 4 .. Sex texting another 1, maybe 4 phone calls to different women where he pleasured himself It disgusts me. I only know he slept with 1 woman because I contacted her through the site, the other he had verifications from the other woman.
Since Dday he has basically lied through his teeth about everything. My detective work has caught him out. Ie. Phone bills etc ...
Yesterday, we did, sort of turn a corner. To move on I told him I want the truth, so he has told me he tried about 10 other times to get a "meet".

Sadly. I will never know the full extent.
And that's what hurts the most.

Dday 19th feb 2014
P on swinging site.
Trying to R. still love the SOB.

Posts: 51 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Wales
♀ 35812
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 5:08 PM, April 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry. These are the bad, crazy, soul-wrenching days and there is no way to avoid them. You just have to stumble through them, bleeding all the way. It fricking sucks.

Please call your doctor on Monday and make an appointment for a full STD/HIV screening. Your gut instinct is almost certainly right on. That wasn't all and he didn't wear full protection. He didn't practice safe sex. No matter what he says. He needs to get the full screenings as well and his doctor's office needs to tell YOU the result. Because you cannot trust a liar who put your health at risk, to tell you the truth.

Follow through with that polygraph. Be prepared for a parking lot confession where he tells you, up to and including walking through the poly's door, all kinds of new stuff. Thank him for that, and keep walking to the polygraphist. Because if they hid one thing, they undoubtedly hid more. And pay attention to your gut. Your subconscious usually knows when there's something wrong, even if you don't know exactly what.

Come back often for support. We're all here for you.

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012

Posts: 6213 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
♀ 42856
Member # 42856
Default  Posted: 5:31 PM, April 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Raspberry))) I'm so sorry you have to be here. What you are feeling is absolutely normal and, unfortunately, will be with you for a while. You have come to a great place to get support. It's been almost a month since my dday and this group has been amazing to help me get this far.

Keep posting, keep venting.

Me - 43
WH - 41
Dday - 3/6/14
Married 5yrs, together 11yrs
Status - Divorce from the ass is in progress!

You can see more of my story on my blog here:

"Never give up hope and let time heal you"

Posts: 340 | Registered: Mar 2014
♀ 42853
Member # 42853
Default  Posted: 6:27 PM, April 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all. I am feeling a little better now as I went to our therapist (alone) and had a good appointment. Hes also seeing my husband separately.

We will get the std tests soon but unfortunately I had already been having unprotected sex with him because I was pregnant. Then my stupid self had hysterical sex a bunch of times. I dont have symptoms of anything, but I know that doesnt mean I'm in the clear.

I will most definitely follow through with the polygraph. I cant take much more but I need that truth. If he fails, im out of the house with my kids even if it means driving an hr each way from my job.

The therapist is wonderful. He made some strong points. He told me that he is checking out my husband to see if he has character issues, or a sex addiction. He said could be both, or neither but its too soon to tell.

Im just beyond depressed.

Posts: 262 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Raspberry
♀ 37184
Member # 37184
Default  Posted: 6:41 PM, April 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


It is going to get better for you. Not soon, but it will.

Vent all you need to. Here is the place to vent.

Take care of you. Focus on getting your feet under you again.

You dont have to make any big decisions yet.

TIn time, you will get thru this.

Posts: 887 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: new york
♂ 43005
Member # 43005
Default  Posted: 6:41 PM, April 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Speaking to someone who doesnt know you or the situation beforehand can be very helpful i have found, wether its a therapist, counsel, pastor from a church, etc, i guess thats kind of all why we are here too right. I am so sorry this happened to you, getting checked for STD`s by both of you is a must, same thing happened with my wife, met a guy online and was with him after meeting him online after two days, she didnt know who this guy was, what he has, you know, stupid, anyways i dont care what they did, weather it was sex or just kissing, he/she gets checked out and you know the results. You can and will get through it :)

Me 33, H 31,D-Day 03/30/14, Together 12 years, married 2, 3 kids, 3 dogs, Working on R
"nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ainít about how hard you hit. Itís about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward"

Posts: 138 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Ontario, Canada
Topic Posts: 11

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