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Advice please

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Breezy150 posted 4/5/2014 11:31 AM

Last night I was going through WHs Facebook and there were still a couple of messages on there from OW from the time during the A. I knew they were on there they weren't flirty at all but they still triggered me when I saw them. I decided to figure out how to delete them with my WH sitting right by me and accidentally hit the like button, I figured out real quick how to delete and hoped it didn't go through. Had a wonderful evening watching movies with WH and kind if forgot about it. This morning he wakes me up to show me that she messages back a smiley face. He never responded and I told her BH about it, because she was so quick to respond.i felt great that he reported the contact immediately to me as it is the first time she has tried to contact.

Now for the advice I need. The town she lives in is having a big dart tournament and we were not going to go, but a lot of people from out of town are there that I would like to see. We were thinking of going and playing one event to see all our friends and leaving. Part of me says not to go and another part says to go and show a united loving front and get it over with so we can get the first time over with. I am feeling strong today and know that it is going to happen someday.

LeftOutintheCold posted 4/5/2014 11:35 AM

That he immediately showed you her response is encouraging. I feel that maybe going to this tournament could be test of sorts and, like you suggested, a statement as well.

It sounds like you two are on the right track to R. Make a pact with each other before you go: If at any time during the tournament you feel uncomfortable for whatever reason, you are both free to leave and return home. No questions asked.

Skan posted 4/5/2014 17:11 PM

Go. Always go when you're feeling strong. Also, talk about some strategy before you go.

What will you do if she is there?
What will you do if she tries to approach?
What will you do if she tries to talk to you?

Think about all of the "what ifs" that you can think of, come up with a united stand, practice them so they are pretty much automatic, and head on in. Also, I would suggest a "code" word or phrase that either of you can use that will say to the other, I'm overwhelmed and I would like to leave right now. (((hugs)))

Breezy150 posted 4/6/2014 12:55 PM

Thank you guys for the advice. That is what we did. We did end up leaving a little early but that was because I had one too many cocktails and figured we were better off leaving than the possibility of me causing a scene.

It all went really good til we left, then I had lowered my inhibitions enough to really let my WH have it all the way home. Probably not fair, but is also don't feel bad, he has faced no consequences really, I'm too nice of a person to let him see the real depth of my anger, so it was about time he had to see what he has done to me.

LeftOutintheCold posted 4/6/2014 12:59 PM

I'm glad it went well! Don't feel bad for exposing some of your anger. That's healthy and those feelings aren't going to disappear overnight, especially if you aren't letting them out very often. One hurdle down!

Breezy150 posted 4/6/2014 13:32 PM

Thank you. I think that was one of the biggest Hurdles down, not only to see her all day but the tournament was in a place that they had done stuff. Didn't trigger until I left but that was acceptable.

WH just called and she messages him on Facebook the minute we left. Damn my fat fingers for hitting that like button. Lol, she is fishing again for sure. Oh well ***crickets *** from us.

LeftOutintheCold posted 4/6/2014 13:54 PM

Yes, don't give her the satisfaction of any response!!

missyb32641 posted 4/6/2014 16:53 PM

Just block her. That will send a clear message.

Breezy150 posted 4/6/2014 19:13 PM

I was going to block her but then I decided to give WH enough rope to hang himself if he was going to. I want to be able to watch and see what she does. It's probably sick, but if they are going to talk I'd rather sooner than later. Plus this way I could see if he would do the right thing, and he did for all it's worth now.

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