So, basically he denied denied denied that night that he went to the restaurant. The next morning, I get a text. He agrees, we should just focus on raising dd in. Loving environment. He said he understands why. So, it was very vague, but for now, it sounds like he accepted it. We all know how that works.
Anyways, I toldt therapist he's still here and that I'm not kicking him out much to the dismay of my friends and family. She made me feel like I'm on the right path. She of course agrees him staying is not healthy for me or my healing. My feelings of caring and feeling like I'm the only one who can help him are the codependency. But she said it took a long time for me to come to this, ending it and being sure of it. she said it will take one step at a time. This was a huge step for me she said and I need to get to where I will kick him out. She said when I know, I'll know. So basically, work on getting to make him leave. We've scheduled appointments closer together to help me through this.
I was angry that night. I'm just back to numb. He's made himself sparse when he's here, either outside or with dd playing and talking.
For now, I feel strong. Confident. I know I'm making the right choice. My method of doing this is t the way everyone would do it, but I am working on this. On me. And I know he needs to go. I know I will get there.
I understand not kicking him out..yet.
But..if you are paying for his phone..turn it off.
If you are giving him gas money...stop.
Other than providing a room over his head...for now..don't give this POS any money. You don't need to fund his affair.
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
My WH is on disability for mental health issues. He only got written off of work for the past 3yrs. We have been together for 16. I have stuck through self-medicating via drugs and alcohol. He got clean. His current addiction is women. I have been the breadwinner/main parent for at least 5 yrs.
I kept waiting for him to get better. I felt I "owed" him a roof and safety due to him being the father of my children. All at the expense of my own health. I have an emotionally satisfying job (I help peoplecwith disabilities to get jobs). Im a fixer.
But I now know I cant fix him. Him reaching out to other women (and him having at least one PA that i know of) cracked my emotional safety net. Ii can no longer be his partner. He killed it.
We are under the same roof until the end of the month. I got a 2bdrm apartment with the kids andc will have my bedroom in the livingroom. All because I value myself and my health nore than he values me.
Like your WH, mine plotted to do this shit. If he can plotcand be a resourceful liar he can be resourceful to support himself. Mine took advantage of my caring nature, just like yours is doing.
You sound like the strongest woman on earth. He doesnt deserve you. He will be just fine on his own. So will you. I will have my freedom from doubt on the 26 of this month. My bday ithe 30. My life back is my present to myself. I stayed faithful in my marriage but he didnt. But for that, what is marriage then?
Hugs. You are a warrior.
Very glad to hear that you've got such a great therapist and are prioritizing your self care with regular sessions.
“The most difficult times for many of us are the ones we give ourselves.”
― Pema Chödrön
I'm ok with this choice for now. We try to avoid each other. I've not wavered in this for almost two weeks and I think he's starting to see I've had enough.
That doesn't mean he won't try to suck me back in, and THAT terrifies me. I shared that with my IC and she said the fact that I know it's a risk makes me that much more prepared. I'm not perfect, but I'll try like he'll not to stumble.
I still love him. Not passion. Not like u love a partner. But like a friend. That just feels crazy to me....
I will always love my WH (stbx?) but never again in a wifely way. He is a good dad when he steps up. He was more interactive with them during our first separation, last year. I pray he is the same way this time.
Good luck and stay strong.
He's ok without me for only 8 months and that's only if I continue providing a roof over his head
You really need to *get over* worrying about what is going to happen to him. He made his bed, let him lie in it, lumps and all.
In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.