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So angry, sad, and alone

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gypsybird87 posted 4/5/2014 14:11 PM

I have an appointment in less that three hours, to put down my beloved 10 year old cat, Shadow, who has liver cancer. This came on very suddenly. He was just diagnosed yesterday. I probably should have put him down at the vet's, but they gave me some meds that we hoped would help perk up his appetite and give us a little more time together. The pills didn't work. He won't take even a sip of water. He's starting to suffer, and I can't bear that.

I'm so alone. And I'm so ANGRY that I'm alone. That the person who was supposed to be beside me at difficult times like this is gone, living in la-la land with OW. And I'm here, the person who loved, who committed, who TRIED... and I get to face heartbreaking shit like this without so much as a shoulder to cry on.

He loved this cat too, or as much as he "loves" anything, but he won't even know this is happening today. And if he did, I'm sure he wouldn't even care. He wouldn't spend one second thinking about me, even though he knows how much I love my animals. They are my children, my family, and all I have left now. And today I lose one forever.

I'm just overwhelmed right now, can't stop crying, and would give just about anything for a hug or a kind word from someone who loves me. My parents (as usual selectively available) are either not home or screening and not picking up. My aunt is busy but texted she would call later. My best friend is driving us to the vet, so I'll see her just before.

I just can't believe this is happening today. Why is it that when ever something good happens, its like the universe has to come up with something bad to equal it out? But when something bad happens, where is the good to counteract that?! Nowhere.

Sorry to babble... I'm whining, crying, struggling... just needed to get it out. Thank you all for listening.

Nature_Girl posted 4/5/2014 14:17 PM

(((HUGS)))

I am so so so sorry for what's happening. I have had to help several furbabies cross the Rainbow Bridge. It is never an easy thing to face, no matter who is with you.

Feel free to contact me if it will help you to talk to someone who does care about you.

undertherug posted 4/5/2014 15:13 PM

I am so sorry you are having to go through this. It hurts so much to loose a pet. You are doing the kind, responsible thing. During the past 12 months, I have had to have two of my dogs put down. So hard. But I would not have traded my time with them for anything. Hugs to you.

nowiknow23 posted 4/5/2014 15:22 PM

((((((((gypsy))))))))) I'm so very sorry. And so very glad your friend is going to be driving you. Godspeed, Shadow.

dmari posted 4/5/2014 15:35 PM

(((((gypsybird87))))) (((((Shadow)))))) I am so sorry you have to let Shadow go ~ I remember how incredibly sad that experience was. I am sorry you are feeling so alone during this time. I hope you can envision us behind you with bowed heads during this time. I wish I could hug you IRL.

Afraid2LoveAgain posted 4/5/2014 16:38 PM

I'm so sorry about Shadow. Pets bring us so much joy and love.

brokenpinkribbon posted 4/5/2014 17:34 PM

Reading your post made me so very sad, I could feel your pain. How can the people we loved so much, hurt us to depths of our souls We didn't know existed.
I love my animals like they are part of my family, and facing the sad loss of your member of your family is so painful.
I know there is nothing any of us can do to take away the sorrow you are feeling, but I wanted to let you know we are here for you even though it's only through words.
I'm sure you have given Shadow all the love through his life, he is one lucky cat. Sending you a huge hug

kiki1 posted 4/5/2014 17:39 PM

((((gypsybird))))

stuckinthetunnel posted 4/5/2014 17:50 PM

I will be thinking of you Gypsybird and your little love shadow. I feel horrible for you and hope you get the support you need from your friend. (((((((Ginormous hug from me)))))

Abbondad posted 4/5/2014 17:56 PM

Just want to also say that you are heard and understood. My ex was deep in her affair when my mother died and then our beloved dog died. She now has our other "child" (18-year-old bichon) and I know she will shut me out of her death. The damage done by infidelity is far and wide--beloved pets are not excluded.

Must Survive posted 4/5/2014 18:54 PM

(((gypsy)))

I am so sorry.

Dawn58 posted 4/5/2014 19:11 PM

(((gypsybird87))))

So sorry you are going through this. It is so hard to let a loved pet go. I hear your pain and I know how you are feeling. But, you are not alone, we are here for you. I hear you.

zulay44 posted 4/5/2014 21:09 PM

((gypsybird87)) I am so sorry that you are going through this. I have a cat that I love so much, and can definitely feel your pain and loss. We are all with you. May God give you strength and comfort. Hugs...

nekorb posted 4/5/2014 21:14 PM

(((Hugs)))

I'm so sorry you are having to put your Shadow to sleep. It's such a heart wrenching thing to do.

I'm glad yr friend is going with you. She loves you. Lean on her.

Caretaker1 posted 4/5/2014 22:22 PM

I'm so sorry. I had to put my beautiful dog to sleep years ago. Strange part is my little ones have said they have seen her and felt her presence. Yes it sounds crazy, but the dog was part of the fabric of the family. Everyone remembers her fondly. It is like losing a family member. Animal lovers understand the grief, painful hurt of no longer having them around. You sound like an attentive, loving and responsible pet owner. The final loving decision you can make is help them and relieve their misery. That is the final love and respect you as the loving owner can bestow.

My prayers are for peace and comfort. It is very, very painful, cry, but know you gave your pet an excellent life and this final stage is part of that loving responsible care that you provided for years.

Our exes are asses. Selfish folks and if we got the reciprocated love, feeling valued that we received from our pets, we wouldn't be on this site.

[This message edited by Caretaker1 at 10:22 PM, April 5th (Saturday)]

sunsetslost posted 4/5/2014 22:47 PM

(((Gypsy)) You're not alone. A lot of us have been there (the pet thing) Sorry for you. Shadow was a lucky kitty

debbysbaby posted 4/5/2014 23:25 PM

((((((Gypsy bird))))))

I am so sorry. I've been where you are.

StillLivin posted 4/6/2014 00:36 AM

Oh, girl, I am so sorry. I had to put my beloved Renia down last summer. She blessed me with 14 years of letting me be her human. It still hurts, and I still cry sometimes.
I don't have anything to say that will make it better, but I'm sending strength, and lots of comforting hugs your way!

MadeOfScars posted 4/6/2014 00:53 AM

I put my 10 year old tabby down, also named Shadow ironically and sadly, as he succumbed to kidney disease at 10 years old. gypsybird87, you have given me so much strength. I hope I can return the favor somehow. I know it can be weird PMing a guy on a site like this, but please know I offer any support that I can as a friend you've never met. I can imagine the pain you're in and I will do anything to help you as you've helped me. Please stay strong and know you have so very many here that have your back.

damnUnicorns posted 4/6/2014 03:51 AM

Huge Hugs!
Having recently lost 2 of my beloved dogs to acute liver failure at 7 months & rare kidney cancer at age 3, I can totally relate to your pain. I love mine as my children too. They are all I have left, as well.

This is not easy ...it is the unfair part of loving. The ending. It's worth it though, the love they give freely is worth this pain. You're a good pet parent. You're there for the hard part, as well as the positive parts.

It's never easy, but facing it alone makes it all so much worse.
I wish I could be there for you.
I'm glad your best friend stepped up.
I hope she stays afterwards awhile.

Take care of yourself. Cry if you need to, as long as you need to! I got tattoos of both dogs paw prints to have them with me, where I could SEE their presence. Lots of people comment on those tattoos in positive ways. I wish I had had their ashes to incorporate into the ink. It ready helped me. I also made garden stones to place under special trees I planted for each. Find a positive way to honor the relationship you had.

Sending much sympathy your way, gypsy.
♡ Sleep softly sweet Shadow. ♡

[This message edited by damnUnicorns at 4:02 AM, April 6th (Sunday)]

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