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Newest Member: Mercedes66 (46046)

User Topic: Why
justinpaintoday
♂ 42858
Member # 42858
Default  Posted: 3:39 PM, April 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would've loved her my whole life. Why did she have to cheat on me? Why doesn't she want to reconcile? How can she seem to be taking this so well? Why does it have to hurt so much?

Sorry my daughter just FaceTime to me and I ended up seeing my wife she looks so beautiful. Why can't i stop crying? I'm a good man. I just don't understand.


I never realized you could be in this much pain and not be dying.

Posts: 700 | Registered: Mar 2014
nowiknow23
♀ 33226
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 3:50 PM, April 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((((hugs)))))) I'm so very sorry you are hurting today, honey. You can't stop crying because you are a human with feelings. You can't understand because you ARE a good man. And a rational, logical one. You can't reason through this stuff, because it isn't rational. She's taking it so well because she's miles ahead of you on detaching. She detached before she cheated, she just didn't bother to let you know.

Hang in there, hon. Keep breathing.


You can call me NIK

"Keep your face always toward the sunshine - and shadows will fall behind you."
-Walt Whitman


Posts: 26545 | Registered: Aug 2011
Gemstone
♀ 42000
Member # 42000
Default  Posted: 3:54 PM, April 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We know honey, we know

(((((((Hugs))))))


Posts: 97 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: United Kindgdon
tushnurse
♀ 21101
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 3:55 PM, April 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What NIK said. She may look beautiful bit she is as ugly as they come on the inside.
A black ugly soul.

Allow yourself to grieve but don't let it take over your whole life.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8899 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Merlin
♂ 30221
Member # 30221
Default  Posted: 5:09 PM, April 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

JIPT,

Some questions have no answer.

Trying to make sense of nonsense leads nowhere, except perhaps to madness.

Acceptance is difficult. It is all there is for now.


"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself." D. H. Lawrence

Her: WW/57 Me: BS/63 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11


Posts: 1164 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: East Coast
LeftOutintheCold
♀ 42856
Member # 42856
Default  Posted: 5:29 PM, April 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with what everyone else is saying. Just keep breathing and hang on. You ARE going to be okay. (((hugs)))


Me - 42
WH - 40
Dday - 3/6/14
Married 5yrs, together 11yrs
Status - Headed towards Divorce

Posts: 332 | Registered: Mar 2014
Adeahan
♂ 43005
Member # 43005
Default  Posted: 5:48 PM, April 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You have friends here, we may not know each other but we know your pain, you have to keep moving forward, think of your kids, they will make you strong, regardless of how you feel they need their dad, you can do it and we have your back, all of us.


Me 33, H 31,D-Day 03/30/14, Together 12 years, married 2, 3 kids, 3 dogs, Working on R
"nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ainít about how hard you hit. Itís about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward"

Posts: 138 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Ontario, Canada
Abbondad
♂ 37898
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 6:00 PM, April 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, what NIK said. You are in the darkest days. I too would FaceTime my children when she left and I would see the face of the most beautiful woman in the world--my wife, the one who would never, ever hurt or abandon me. And the pain was unbearable. Surely, I thought, it would never end. But it gets better, Just. It does. Weep, wail, grieve. And then keep going.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1696 | Registered: Dec 2012
craig2001
♂ 55
Member # 55
Default  Posted: 8:14 PM, April 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How can she seem to be taking this so well?
I hate to say this, but taking this so well sounds like she is having an affair with someone, EA at the least.

An affair with someone keeps her living in a fantasy world. It is a lot like someone who is drunk all of the time and the world is going along just fine. When actually, they are an alcoholic about to lose their job and everything else.

A fantasy world.

Your wife sounds like she has a chip on her shoulder and nothing is wrong. And that could be an attitude she is getting from some kind of false hope.

False hope from someone else.

You need to stay strong at this time. Realizing what she has turned into is going to take all of your strength.


Posts: 4446 | Registered: Jun 2002
justinpaintoday
♂ 42858
Member # 42858
Default  Posted: 8:52 PM, April 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Craig that is a concern. She says there are no men but her FB page shows friends that i tracked back to flirtations on Instagram. I think she is still playing her games. My WW is a day to day person. R would require too much work. D seems easy. Rough coming to terms with the alien abducted person before me.


I never realized you could be in this much pain and not be dying.

Posts: 700 | Registered: Mar 2014
freeatlast72
♀ 42758
Member # 42758
Default  Posted: 9:19 PM, April 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((just)) You will get through this!!! One day at a time......allow yourself to grieve your loss.

We are all here for you! Keep posting.


BS:41 (me)
WH: 41
Kids: DD6
DDay: 12/31/2013
Married 15 years
Separated as of 01/16/2014,now divorcing...WH did not want to reconcile.

You can't rationalize irrational behavior.


Posts: 135 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: North Carolina
Raspberry
♀ 42853
Member # 42853
Default  Posted: 10:23 PM, April 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We are here for you...even us newbies. We can all cry together. I'm sorry you're going through this.

Posts: 223 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Raspberry
Caretaker1
♂ 42777
Member # 42777
Default  Posted: 10:40 PM, April 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There is someone else. I'm living it too. Some days I laugh others I can't seem to cry, but I'm sad and humiliated. When there are kids involved, it makes it worse as you have to interact and hear about the other person. I didn't sign up for this but it is my reality. Beautiful?? Yeah outwardly charming and gorgeous I'm sure. Once nice and beautiful inside, but now awful, venomous and immature. Grieve, cry, get angry. Forever you will be changed. If she is a good person going through a bad time, pray for the karma she deserves, if she is truly a good person, she will receive good karma, if she is a jerk and cruel inside, she will receive that karma. Either way, you don't need people like this in your life.

Posts: 234 | Registered: Mar 2014
craig2001
♂ 55
Member # 55
Default  Posted: 9:01 AM, April 6th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She is a day to day person...ok. And her days seem to be filled with nothing but getting on the internet, is that correct?

Does she ever have an opportunity to go out for any reason she might be meeting some guy.

If not, than she is addicted to the internet and other guys attention. I cant imagine that staying on the internet only if she really needs all of this attention.

You say day to day and R is too much trouble. All that points to some addiction. She would rather be divorced than get off of the internet and live a real life.

Day to day, how has she ever looked to the future or made plans? When a WS acts as if they have been abducted, it is almost always because there is someone else. Someone else telling them things and making the WS think live is dandy when it is not.


Posts: 4446 | Registered: Jun 2002
Sadmumma
♀ 42192
Member # 42192
Default  Posted: 9:07 AM, April 6th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh dear... The might look beautiful on the outside... But that's just wrapping. A truly beautiful person would not hurt the one they love so much.

By not wanting to reconcile (I feel) totally discarded. It's like the life and family we built is worthless. It meant nothing to WS.

I feel for you, JIPT.


On any given day you have the power to say "my story is not going to end like this"
Me 41 BS
Him 41 WH
6 kids...7 weeks, 5,7,9,11&13
D day jan 29th 2014

Posts: 536 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Land down under
justinpaintoday
♂ 42858
Member # 42858
Default  Posted: 9:49 AM, April 6th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is hard to discarded with such little regard


I never realized you could be in this much pain and not be dying.

Posts: 700 | Registered: Mar 2014
Merlin
♂ 30221
Member # 30221
Default  Posted: 9:59 AM, April 6th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is hard to discarded with such little regard
.

Yes, it is.

Now what?


"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself." D. H. Lawrence

Her: WW/57 Me: BS/63 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11


Posts: 1164 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: East Coast
justinpaintoday
♂ 42858
Member # 42858
Default  Posted: 10:07 AM, April 6th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The pain is waning egich is nice. The next 6 months during divorce process i have been taking time to establish personal goals around physical fitness and work. Around making all D decisions in the best interest of my children. To be civil with Ww but detach. Last one has been brutal but is progressing. Mentally i am in ic and reading about codependancy and building self esteem. Those r the plans. Anything missing???


I never realized you could be in this much pain and not be dying.

Posts: 700 | Registered: Mar 2014
craig2001
♂ 55
Member # 55
Default  Posted: 10:24 AM, April 6th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

personal goals around physical fitness and work
Those are excellent. Keeping your job is of course important and fitness really makes you feel better and there is nothing better for rebuilding your self esteem than working out and seeing the results.

Eat very good food, and light. If you are a heavy meat eater, you might back off and eat a lighter diet. I would also recommend no alcohol, the alcohol and the hangovers are dangerous since they can really make you depressed. It is just better to stay away from alcohol. Alcohol can also cause anger, and that wouldn't be good either. You have enough emotions to deal with without alcohol making them worse.


Posts: 4446 | Registered: Jun 2002
justinpaintoday
♂ 42858
Member # 42858
Default  Posted: 10:51 AM, April 6th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes. No alcohol. I also used to b a smoker and am avoiding that coping mech. Too. I will seek healthy coping skills.


I never realized you could be in this much pain and not be dying.

Posts: 700 | Registered: Mar 2014
Topic Posts: 30
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