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OW just gave me a huge smile

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rachelc posted 4/5/2014 15:47 PM

yes, I was pampering myself at a place in MY TOWN, getting my feet pedicured and when I got up there she was and gave me a huge smile. I wasn't quite sure it was her. Drove around the parking lot and there was her car.
Why? why would someone do this?
She probably didn't recognize me right away.
This town is way too small. Yet, she live 25 miles away. Why get your kids' hair done here?
she is pretty. Well played, WH, well played.
I'm leaving, in some way, I'm leaving.

zebra25 posted 4/5/2014 16:21 PM

Ugh, I'm so sorry that happened.

I know how you feel. I am stuck in the same small town as ow. It sucks!

confused615 posted 4/5/2014 16:24 PM

So..she is with her kids, getting their hair done..and she seem the wife of the man she had sex with..and she smiles at you?

Nothing pretty about her at all. She sounds like trash. With her kids? Damn. She's lucky you have class. A lot of BW's would have made a scene and let everyone around them know what a nasty slut she is.

FTB.

freeatlast72 posted 4/5/2014 16:27 PM

FTB!!! I live across the street from OW and she tried talking to me!! THE NERVE!! I ignored, ignored ignored!

If she tried talking to me again I will refer her to my attorney and she can go that route! BITCH!

bionicgal posted 4/5/2014 16:31 PM

Rachelc, are you sure she knew it was you? Cuz, that's crazy.

Ostrich80 posted 4/5/2014 16:44 PM

You should have put your manicured foot straight up her skanky ass....why in the world would she drive 25 miles to a small town to get her kids haircuts? I wonder if she's seem you there before and you didnt see her. I admire your self control.

Next time she smiles at you, say loudly OMG is that a
pube stuck in your teeth

[This message edited by Ostrich80 at 4:46 PM, April 5th (Saturday)]

sunvalley posted 4/5/2014 17:15 PM

All of my WHs former OW live 1-3hrs away as well yet they all conveniently come to town for hair, nails, Drs etc. Its given me a lot of stress when I go out worrying Ill run into one. Her smiling at you sounds like she was either caught off guard and hadnt put two and two together yet or her *politely rubbing it in your face. Hope you looked past her like she meant nothing to you or smiled as firmly back so she knows she isnt worth your time and energy. Sorry...this is my worst fear at this point, as Ive never seen them in person just online photos...physically pretty or not, she isnt pretty to do this to you.

LeftOutintheCold posted 4/5/2014 17:47 PM

Hard to say on this. However, if she DID know it was you and she had the nerve to smile at you... That just tells you how sick of a person she really is.

I just ran into the OW coming down my street the other day and as soon as she saw me, she suddenly had something important to look at on the floor of her car. She refused to make eye contact with me although I stared her down.

rachelc posted 4/5/2014 18:31 PM

I don't think she knew it was me.
But, do i want to see her skanky smile? No.
Much talk the last two hours.
What can he offer to do but move?
I'm so effing tired of being forced with this impossible decision.
Accept that he had two affairs and that I will occasionally see his APs. How do ppl do this?

Neverwudaguessed posted 4/5/2014 18:40 PM

I am so sorry you had to see her. Are you sure that she did NOT know that it was you? My husband's AP looks right at me with a HUGE smile as we pass each other in our cars ever since we sent the letter from the lawyer to her reiterating to leave us alone. She is a defiant psycho….
It sucks to have to deal with them on top of everything else. I am really sorry that you had to deal with her…..
You could have done so much to ruin her reputation in there, and you chose to do nothing. She is one lucky woman that you have such class and dignity.

Random thoughts posted 4/5/2014 19:26 PM

I'm sure she knew it was you Rachelc, but just think about how pathetic her life must be to travel (with the price of gas no less) 25 miles out of her way to make trouble or maybe even have a run in with your husband or you which she did and now unfortunately she knows where you get your work done.

tushnurse posted 4/5/2014 19:46 PM

Wow. That sucks!!!
I can't guess she did it on purpose or not, but I can say this.
You are an amazing woman you are smart, strong, and after seeing your pic smoking hot. So she either had to feel horribly inadequate or like an ass.

After all he has chosen to be with you. She was just a passing fancy but your the real deal. Next time you see her stand tall and proud and say in your best sing song voice
"Na Na Na Na boo boo he chose me not you!". Now kindly stay out of my way your shadowing my awesomeness.

rachelc posted 4/5/2014 19:47 PM

I do a good job of self care but one of my "safe places" - this salon - is no longer safe anymore. And this OW is so
hard to see as I caught him on top of her in the park. I had 6 sessions of EMDR to turn her into a paper doll in my mind movies and when I see her she becomes real again. I told hubby this but he doesn't know what to do.,,

I suppose people in the burbs come into "town" to get stuff done. There would be no chance to run into hubby at the beauty shop, that's for sure.

But it's been a tough tough week when she was in the paper and also at a large event last week where we were at, but I didn't see until later that she was also there. This was the same place out daughter was married.
I'm tired of all our places being tainted. But we can't control where they (both OW) go.
And he's being great. Buts it's too much to deal with.

[This message edited by rachelc at 7:48 PM, April 5th (Saturday)]

tushnurse posted 4/5/2014 20:17 PM

This may sound harsh but even though he creatd this mess it's your job to make these women what they are. Nothing.
That is why I seriously suggest you do something like suggested. Take the control back.
You are going to see them probably for the rest of your working/ preretirement life. Don't let them take up headspace or control how you live. Rather you take the control and be the strong one. If you don't then you are always going to be put back on your heels when you see/encounter them.

brokensunflower posted 4/5/2014 20:54 PM

The other women is lucky enough it wasn't me she came across I would of punched her in her mouth and told her there your karma bitch and smiled and walked away.

shygirl07 posted 4/5/2014 21:00 PM

Rachelc,
WOW you are brave. And a woman of class I can tell. I probably would have wanted to toss garbage on her and throw gum in her hair hahha. WOw IM sorry you had to see that scum of a woman but what goes around comes around and she will get what she deserves . I cant stand seeing someone in a far away destination of where I should be seeing them . Again im sorry :( she ended up with a lying cheater and you were lucky to get away from that ..

rachelc posted 4/5/2014 22:11 PM

she ended up with a lying cheater

no. haha.. I still have him..

I get what you're saying tushnurse but I'm not sure I can do that. I would have to look at him as some sort of prize I won. And I can't ever fathom looking at it that way.
although I like the awesomeness part.
damn this has been a tough night. I had to go for a drive so I wouldn't lay into him again. And for what? this is just residual effects of the affair. Not anything he did currently.

sunvalley posted 4/5/2014 22:28 PM

rachelc - you don't have to view him as a prize to make the OW non-entities in your life. If she smiled at you on purpose, she likely wanted a reaction from you. Knowing she gets under your skin will be a reaction, and probably one that would make her feel good by the sounds of it. Even if you don't believe that she is 'nothing' to you or in your world deep down, don't show her that on the surface, even if it's so very painful to see her, don't give her the satisfaction of seeing that...hold your head high and try to make her feel like you have enough confidence in yourself and your spouse to show her that she means nothing. She likely wants to feel like she left an impact if she was truly being spiteful and snide by smiling at you. Don't give her that pleasure out of this, even if you are still so terribly hurt by seeing her. Maybe if you have to do this a couple times, eventually you'll start to believe she means nothing just from the empowerment you get from showing her she's nothing. If she honestly did feel remorse I guess her smile could have been a way of making herself feel like a better person, but I understand from your anger that is likely not the case in this situation. Hope things go better for you tonight, and you're able to calm down - the residual sucks, but it's part of going through this unfortunately.

rachelc posted 4/6/2014 07:10 AM

I didn't react to her at all - not even smile back. I'm not going to give ANY effort to her feelings. And that means having to expend any energy to show that I've won, don't care, think she's a bitch, whatever. It will all be about how I feel and how I can handle it. I'm not going to embark on some sort of acting job for both of our benefits.
I will feel what I feel.
I don't think she recognized me.
That said, I don't EVER want to see her.
I thought about calling her and recommending that she never step foot in our town or engage with me at any time or her employers get the pictures of her making out with my husband that the PI took.
But I don't know if I even want to expend that energy.

Yesterday hubby and I spoke of the mental gymnastics one has to do to stay in a marriage where there has been betrayal. It's very unfair. It breeds resentment. And I don't know if I can do it.

He's been great as I cried myself to sleep last night (not only because of the sighting but because we went way too deep in our discussion and we should have just dealt with this trigger it was too much for both of us) but I asked him to help me think outside the box with this and he said he wasn't very creative. Get creative honey.

IWantDoOver posted 4/6/2014 12:16 PM

(not only because of the sighting but because we went way too deep in our discussion and we should have just dealt with this trigger it was too much for both of us)

Scratches head...

I thought you were a big proponent of intimate conversations?

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