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Newest Member: solstice (46049)

User Topic: Ex wants to change kids schedule
waterloo09
♀ 26422
Member # 26422
Default  Posted: 9:48 PM, April 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Very discouraged tonight. My marriage ended 5 yrs ago and the ex has been happy to focus on his new wife. For the past 5 yrs he took the kids every other weekend. Last year he bought a house and right away seemed to have money problems. The child support was a month late, he said he was behind because of moving costs. The child support was later for several months but usually only a week or two. Then about 6 months he stopped paying entirely. He came up with a story that I owed him money - long story but it was not true although he is convinced he is right. I went to my lawyer and we've been sending letters back and forth and he still hasn't paid the arrears. He's decided that he will take the kids to his house more often and stop paying support. He lives in another town and wants to take them about 30% of the time. Wow that's fair... He wants to pick them up at 8:00 pm and drop them off at 7:00 am. I don't think it is good for the kids. Anyway my lawyer and I have both told him no, we are not doing this. He says yes we are and he is picking the kids up tomorrow. Kind of worried about what will happen, I really hope he doesn't make a big scene in front of the kids

Posts: 143 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Canada
devistatedmom
♀ 24961
Member # 24961
Default  Posted: 9:56 PM, April 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What do your papers say? Who's suppose to have them tomorrow? If it's you, don't be home!

Can you file through FRO to get your CS from now on? Even if he did start taking the kids more, that doesn't mean his CS changes automatically. He has to pay the court ordered amount until he takes you back to court. Don't let him bully you!


BS(me) 46, Two wonderful teens.
He is no longer my best friend. Repeat until it sticks.

WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.


Posts: 5633 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Canada
waterloo09
♀ 26422
Member # 26422
Default  Posted: 10:18 PM, April 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The separation agreement says they will be with me tomorrow. It states that he gets them every other weekend, no weekdays. My lawyer said it has to be amended for him to take the kids during week and I haven't and won't agree to that. I have thought about going to a hotel tomorrow night, but maybe its better to stay home and get the showdown over with. Not sure what to do yet...
My lawyer is doing a FRO application on Friday. She wants to wait to give his lawyer a chancce to reply to the last letter she sent. My ex will likely blow a gasket when he gets garnished. These problems are all the result of his choices. Its frustrating though, Ive been divorced a while, why can he still make my life difficult? will this crap ever end?

Posts: 143 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Canada
Caretaker1
♂ 42777
Member # 42777
Default  Posted: 10:28 PM, April 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My biggest fear is them not going away and continuing stress where it is not needed. Divorce should bring peace. He won't win, he's a bully and if he shows call the police. He's not following the decree. Garnish his paycheck and his tax returns etc. it's called tough shit. He made his bed now lie in it. I'm sure his new wife can feel the impacts too of less money for that new home. Are you living in a nice new home?

[This message edited by Caretaker1 at 10:28 PM, April 5th (Saturday)]


Posts: 234 | Registered: Mar 2014
gonnabe2016
♀ 34823
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 10:29 PM, April 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He's decided that he will take the kids to his house more often and stop paying support.

Well that's all fine and good, but he has to get a judge to agree with him since you already have a court order that states otherwise. And that court order won't be changed unless there has been a significant change of circumstances -- him not paying CS doesn't *count*.

It would be preferable for you all to be *gone* tomorrow so that the kids aren't drug into this.

You have a court-ordered placement schedule. He doesn't get to just say that he is changing it without going through the proper channels first. He doesn't get to just *show up* on YOUR time and take the kids because he 'says so.' If your kids are *clueless* about any animosity between you and your ex, then be gone. If they understand what is going on, then just don't answer the door if he shows up.


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8252 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Bluebird26
♀ 36445
Member # 36445
Default  Posted: 12:32 AM, April 6th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do not change the court ordered schedule. He doesn't get to decide when he wants the children. Nor does he get to decide he is no longer paying child support or varying the schedule to change the child support.

I would be concerned with him not returning the children and then using the change in the schedule against you saying you said it was ok, look she let me take them early etc.

If it's not for a special occasion such as a special family even like a wedding etc I would not change the schedule.


"Loving someone should not mean losing you. Love empowers you. It shouldn't erase you. - Thelma Davis.

Posts: 1409 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
homewrecked2011
♀ 34678
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 1:10 AM, April 6th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DO not change the schedule. Period. If he knocks at your door, call the cops, do not answer.

I had to call the cops on my XWH 1x and he totally quit the crap.


Keep Calm and Happy On!

me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed


Posts: 2391 | Registered: Jan 2012
Amazonia
♀ 32810
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 6:42 AM, April 6th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Anyway my lawyer and I have both told him no, we are not doing this. He says yes we are and he is picking the kids up tomorrow. Kind of worried about what will happen, I really hope he doesn't make a big scene in front of the kids.

Gee, don't you and the kids have plans to be out tomorrow night? Maybe sleeping over at Grandma's house?


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13934 | Registered: Jul 2011
waterloo09
♀ 26422
Member # 26422
Default  Posted: 7:14 AM, April 6th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have a legal separation agreement not a court ordered schedule. I don't think they are much different thought. The agreement has to be amended by a court or by both parents agreeing on terms and then a lawyer drawing it up. I haven't agreed to change anything. He sent me an email this morning that is bullying in tone about how my actions are not acceptable, everyone wants to change the agreement except me, how can i hold the kids hostage blah, blah, blah. I have tried to keep the kids out of all this negative stuff. However last night I spoke to them about it. I felt that I had to because of what he has been doing. He has spoken to them for months about how great it would be if they were at his place, how he would drive them to school (25 minutes) etc. I'm still thinking about being elsewhere tonight. But maybe they should see their father as he truly is? They tend to idolize their father. Or maybe it would be bad for them to see a big scene. Tough to know what to do. I did phone the police on him twice when he didn't return the kids at the time in the separation agreement. He kept them longer because he wanted to move to the new schedule. Then he would try to claim that i let him just as Bluebird 26 said.
I live in the matrimonial home, I bought him out. I think it pisses him off to see that I'm happy and doing fine. I don't live in high style, just live within my means and simply. He has been to Jamaica twice since the split. My vacations are camping with the kids. Thanks for the support I was starting to weaken in my resolve. I think changing the schedule would be a big mistake. First of all my kids would be spending more time with an alcoholic who is lazy as sin. Also it wouldnt be long before he would say he cant take the kids because he has band practise, has to go fishing, to Jamaica etc.

Posts: 143 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Canada
Dreamboat
♀ 10506
Member # 10506
Default  Posted: 9:47 AM, April 6th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He cannot just change an agreement that was sanctioned by the court on a whim. It does not work that way. Make sure you have a copy of the agreement with you at all times. If he shows and tries to take the kids, call the police and say that your x is trying to kidnap the kids. When the cops get there, show them the agreement and they will tell your x that he cannot take the kids.

Does your province have a CS enforcement agency? If so then contract them on Monday and ask for their help getting the back CS and future CS. In the US they will garnish wages and confiscate tax returns. And will eventually revoke drivers license and deny renewal of passport.

Good luck


And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

Posts: 17695 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)
little turtle
♀ 15584
Member # 15584
Default  Posted: 2:18 PM, April 6th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How old are your kids?

Be prepared for a fight if you stay home.


Failure is success if we learn from it.

Posts: 4248 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: michigan
StrongerOne
♀ 36915
Member # 36915
Default  Posted: 3:07 PM, April 6th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hope it's not too late for me to say this:

Get
Out
Of
The
House


Do not be there when he shows up. Seriously. Gentle 2x4 here. Why do you want the kids to see him being horrible and scary? That's scary for them! Take them away. Go someplace safe and do NOT tell him where you are going.

Does the school know that he is not supposed to have the kids on weekdays? Make sure they know that dad is not supposed to pick them up.


DDay Feb 2011.
In R.

Posts: 905 | Registered: Sep 2012
waterloo09
♀ 26422
Member # 26422
Default  Posted: 9:09 PM, April 6th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I decided to stay home. My boyfriend stayed inside and he had the phone number for the police close at hand. I went outside and sat at the end of the driveway and waited for him. He looked surprised when he arrived. He stood on the street and said well what will it be? I said stay off my property. He said I needed counselling and that I'm sick. Then he left. He looked furious but didn't try to push past me or try to get into the house as I feared he might. So I have my fingers crossed that it will be ok.
My kids are 9 and 12. The ex has been telling them all kinds of things that aren't true. I've been trying to shelter them from all this stuff, but now I feel I have to let them in a bit more on what their father is doing.

Posts: 143 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Canada
Kajem
♀ 36134
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 3:13 AM, April 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The ex has been telling them all kinds of things that aren't true. I've been trying to shelter them from all this stuff, but now I feel I have to let them in a bit more on what their father is doing.

Yes you do. Empower them to see his actions as proof of who he is, they know the truth but are afraid to see it. It isn't a good feeling to realize that your parent doesn't really love you and is using you as a tool for some reason or other.

Proceed with caution. Do your kids have a therapist that can help you navigate this with them? It might help to have an outside objective person for them to discuss their feelings.

Good luck,
K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5746 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
homewrecked2011
♀ 34678
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 4:28 AM, April 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, if you can get them into counseling, it helped my children and I with the day to day stuff. Also, it helped to have an impartial set of eyes on the situation -- and someone who would go to court if subpoenaed. I went thru the domestic violence center.....

GOOD FOR YOU , btw, on dealing with the x!!!


Keep Calm and Happy On!

me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed


Posts: 2391 | Registered: Jan 2012
Topic Posts: 15

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