SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

justinpaintoday posted 4/7/2014 08:10 AM

I had an epiphany last night that I wanted to share. I have been struggling with some missing understanding as to how I feel about my WW after everything she has put us through. Our love certainly has changed. I love her more for the many good years we shared versus the past couple years of lull and eventual betrayal, lies and abandonment. I am disappointed she became the person she swore she would never become.

But the biggest thing is I no longer respect her.For so many years I viewed as an honest woman with a strong moral compass. All that has gone. She has lied to me for at least a year, she detroyed me (temporarily) emotionally, she detroyed our family. Shattered hopes and dreams. Acted in a mannner that is so self absorbed and selfish. This I cannot respect. I can no longer look at her with the admiration I once cherished. She no longer goes to church, no longer cares about me or the family.

For these reasons I no longer respect her. Another emotion/feeling to process.

Merlin posted 4/7/2014 08:17 AM

Love the memories.

Deal with the present.

LeftOutintheCold posted 4/7/2014 08:19 AM

That's a breakthrough to your own healing! Her actions towards you, your vows, and your family do not deserve one shred of respect from you!

One step at a time, one breath at a time, you are going to be okay. (((hugs)))

Uhtred posted 4/7/2014 10:18 AM

I'm coming up on the one year antiversary and although my ww had had NC that I'm aware of and begged and pleaded for me to take her back. The respect hasn't returned and the love is different now. I'm not sure that it will ever be any different than it is right now. I guess when it comes down to it I realize that I didn't sign up for this shit and I'll never be completely happy with her ever again.

doggiediva posted 4/7/2014 10:27 AM

Respect is nearly impossible to get back once it is lost for a person.

The only way humanly possible for you to feel a shred of respect for your WS is for her to earn it back..She has to realize the enormity of what she did to you and move mountains to help you heal...

The way she treated you with her cheating behavior was so very disrespectful to you and family..

The opposite of respect is abuse..

[This message edited by doggiediva at 10:28 AM, April 7th (Monday)]

Breezy150 posted 4/7/2014 10:28 AM

I made a list of things I would have to accept to move past this, on that list is that he is only the shell of the man I thought he was. I had so much respect for him before this, but he can never be that man again. If we stay together he will always be the man that hurt me more than I ever thought possible. The man who didn't think twice about shattering me and the love and respect I had for him.

Respect is just another thing to mourn and bury because it is dead, along with our old marriage.

GotSoHosed posted 4/7/2014 10:33 AM

My WW still goes to church with me, not for long though. She dresses like a slut. I guess I should have taken that as a sign

Skan posted 4/7/2014 17:11 PM

It was woefully ironic that, being as my FWH has a deep and visceral need for respect, he did the one thing that blew my respect right out of the water for him. There were many days, many days, that I would look at him and I could feel my lips purse up and a small, sniff, would escape me, as if smelling something truly foul but trying to be polite enough to not notice it. I'm sure that he saw it in my eyes. As a matter of fact, I know that he saw it in me.

Respect, like trust, IMO, is earned back one single drop at a time. And for me, at least, pieces of it come back a bit at a time. Do I respect the effort that he's making? Yes. Do I respect the changes that he is putting in place? Yes. Do I respect that he is fighting his own demons and is truthful enough to open up about them when he feels them trying to take his mind somewhere that it shouldn't go? Yes. Do I respect his mind, his intelligence. Yes. Do I, to his core, respect him? Not quite. I think that it will come, but today is not that day. Not yet.