Me-30 ,Two boys, 11 and 9
The last night my ex and I lived together I came home, found him in bed sending naked pics to some woman. I tried to grab his phone, he pushed me down and strangled me until I blacked out. I called the police, he was arrested and that was the end of our marriage. If you asked him, even now, about it, he will admit it, shrug and say "she touched my phone."
Now, over the next few years, I did NOT touch people's phones. When my Aussie and I got together he'd ask me to hand him his phone and I'd refuse. I was not going to do it. I eventually explained why and he understood, and after awhile, I could do it. I could touch the phone, I could hand it to him. I could answer it and answer texts. Which I thought was pretty great.
Saturday Aussie, XH, and I were all at the boys' soccer games. DS8 wants indoor soccer shoes. Aussie said he'd buy them, but he wanted to know what the difference between indoor soccer shoes and regular gym shoes was. I didn't know. So, I turned to x, who knows a lot about soccer. I asked him. He grabbed his phone and explained, showed me some pics of the different shoes, told me what to look for. The shoes DS8 wanted were a pair XH pulled up so, without thinking I said "hey gimme your phone." and he handed it over, I took it and showed H the shoes.
It was about an hour later I realized...I wasn't scared of XH anymore.
It will all be ok in the end. If it's not ok, it's not the end
Happily remarried to a wonderful man (Aussie). I think I found the right guy and the right finger this time.