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Another Retrouvaille Fan

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learningtofeel posted 4/7/2014 17:36 PM

I would like to put forth another plug for the value of attending Retrouvaille. We went this past weekend, and I had been concerned that we were too far out and not in crisis enough for it to be useful that maybe we had missed the moment. There were definitely plenty of couples clearly in active crisis, and I think we would have found this a huge help a few months ago, but even so we found it highly valuable even where we are today.

Two things stand out to me: first, the practice of slowing down to identify and focus on feelings, and to make sure our partner gets what were saying, and we get what theyre saying. We already understood the idea of active listening and have been employing it, but this is even deeper, slower, more deliberate and more intentional. Its not about problem-solving, its about finding and being in touch with feelings and being skilled and sharing and hearing them. Im not very good at it yet, but we are both ready to keep practicing.

Second, the incredible solidarity of spending a weekend with twenty couples who know EXACTLY how we are feeling and what we are struggling with. Not necessarily infidelity (because no one tells their stories except the presenting, trained couples), but hurt, pain, anguish, crisis, and risk of ending ones relationship. The presenting couples have BEEN THERE DONE THAT and here they are giving back, paying it forward. It felt so good to be cared for by them and to have all the other couples around us. Even though I am not a religious person, I appreciated how nurturing it felt that there were couples all over the world praying for us last weekend.

I most definitely recommend this weekend for anyone considering it. Im not sure I could have handled it before Aboutdamntime came out of the fog, but almost any time since then I think it would have been valuable. And for some couples maybe it can help their WS move out of the fog.

rachelc posted 4/7/2014 17:51 PM

what a great story. Thank you for sharing.

I wish it was in our state and that I actually felt like investing more in us but right now I just don't.

lilflower1000 posted 4/7/2014 21:09 PM

Thanks for the info. I tried to drag WH when he was still on the fog he talked me into going to ATL to a hotel for the weekend instead. It was a nightmare. We would like to go, but I will let him do the planning this time. It is just so difficult because we have so many kids. ((sigh))

learningtofeel posted 4/8/2014 12:23 PM

Lilflower1000, I know how hard it is to get away for 48 hours when the kids are little. A huge production, plus needing to tell the babysitter where you are, thus possibly outing yourselves for something you don't want to share. If I could come take care of yours for you so you and your WS could attend, I would!

Keep it in mind in case you are able at some point.

Rachelc - same to you. Some day, maybe. When you feel ready.

MissesJai posted 4/8/2014 13:46 PM

Thank you for sharing. We are going in June.

lilflower1000 posted 4/11/2014 19:30 PM

Lol learningtofeel.. Maybe we'll make it one day.

lilflower1000 posted 4/11/2014 19:30 PM

Lol learningtofeel.. Maybe we'll make it one day.

lilflower1000 posted 4/11/2014 19:30 PM

Lol learningtofeel.. Maybe we'll make it one day.

PinkJeepLady posted 4/11/2014 20:59 PM

Yeah for you!
My fwh calls it "the awakening", it was profound.

lilflower, I really hope you find a sitter, it is worth all the effort to make arrangements for the kids, good luck!

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