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Newest Member: sassylee (45766)

User Topic: Rambling vent
EvolvingSoul
♀ 29972
Member # 29972
Stop  Posted: 6:11 PM, April 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm just so tired of being a disappointment. And beyond that, I'm so tired of measuring myself by the feelings I get from other people. Understanding that one does a thing is so different that stopping doing that thing. I'm so tired of triggers. His triggers. My triggers. I'm so tired of dreading the next downturn on the roller coaster. I'm so tired of it never being enough. I'm so tired of walking on eggshells. I'm so tired of worrying he will never heal and that days like the last three will always be just around the corner. I'm so tired of defending my decision to keep trying to reconcile. I'm so tired of seeing myself through his eyes, and seeing the monster. I'm so. fucking. tired.

That is all.


Me: WS (52)
Him: Shards (47)
D-day: June 6, 2010
Last voluntary AP contact: June 23, 2010
NC Letter sent: 3/9/11

Digging our way through.


Posts: 310 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: Turning the corner.
lillbug20
♀ 41511
Member # 41511
Default  Posted: 10:41 PM, April 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Hugs to you evolvingsoul)))

I don't have any words of wisdom for you other than, I know exactly how you feel. I hope things start to look up for you soon.


Posts: 38 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Kentucky
Aubrie
♀ 33886
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 8:18 AM, April 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry you're hurting ES.

((((Hugs))))


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne


Posts: 6437 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South, Y'all!
familyfirst
♀ 42651
Member # 42651
Default  Posted: 9:08 AM, April 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can't imagine how tiring it would be to be 3+ years out and still feeling like a monster. That's a long time to be walking on eggshells. I respect you for trying so hard. It's more than I could do. I also hope you are taking care of yourself and remembering your needs still count.

Posts: 238 | Registered: Mar 2014
Wayflost
♀ 41583
Member # 41583
Default  Posted: 4:12 PM, April 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((Evolving Soul))


Me: WW
Him: BH (totalheartbreak)
Both: 30s

Posts: 497 | Registered: Dec 2013
Trying33
♀ 38815
Member # 38815
Default  Posted: 3:19 AM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hear you and mostly all of us have been there and still are.

I am also so tired.

Hang in there and enjoy the moments of peace that may arise from time to time.


Posts: 362 | Registered: Mar 2013
BrokenButTrying
♀ 42111
Member # 42111
Default  Posted: 4:01 AM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((ES)))))

We hear you, we understand.

It is an uphill battle, it's hard going and we ALL have days when we wonder if it's worth the climb.

Make a list od positive things, things you are grateful for. Focus on those today, tomorrow is a new day and there is always hope it will be a better one.


Me - 27
Him - 27
Madhatters

My Ddays - Jan 2010 & 12/04/14
His Dday - 23/12/13

Chin up. Unwavering. Fight. I can do this.


Posts: 1267 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: UK
Ihtoiltm
♀ 41015
Member # 41015
Default  Posted: 9:16 AM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You've been heard and I'm sorry you are hurting. I have nothing to offer you other than my respect for you and what you have done for so long. I am just shy of a year out from D day and I have times I feel what you are describing but then I think about my BS and how tired, actually exhausted he is from fighting this. I will never give up on him, myself or us but it is an exhausting battle for both spouses no doubt. Strength to you and the hope that you can keep fighting the good fight until you don't have to anymore, my BS is worth it and I am sure yours is too.


Him BS-32
Me WS-33
Two beautiful boys 6 & 3
D-day April 29, 2013

Posts: 24 | Registered: Oct 2013
Springanew
♀ 42912
Member # 42912
Default  Posted: 1:15 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree... Hugs to you ...3 yrs is a long time. It is utterly exhausting and all consuming! When will we laugh again?


Me: WW,40
Him: BH, 39
Together 6 and 1/2 yrs
Married: 4 yrs

Posts: 14 | Registered: Mar 2014
longroadhome
♂ 32428
Member # 32428
Default  Posted: 4:44 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can relate. I'm feeling similarly. I hope it gets better for all of us, including and especially our BSs.


Me: WH
Her: BW, and the most amazing, beautiful person I've ever known

It is counterintuitive really... the less we defend our well-being, the more well we feel. ~ Nancy Colier


Posts: 547 | Registered: Jun 2011
Actionsoverwords
♂ 41949
Member # 41949
Default  Posted: 8:59 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm just so tired of being a disappointment. And beyond that, I'm so tired of measuring myself by the feelings I get from other people. Understanding that one does a thing is so different that stopping doing that thing. I'm so tired of triggers. His triggers. My triggers. I'm so tired of dreading the next downturn on the roller coaster. I'm so tired of it never being enough. I'm so tired of walking on eggshells. I'm so tired of worrying he will never heal and that days like the last three will always be just around the corner. I'm so tired of defending my decision to keep trying to reconcile. I'm so tired of seeing myself through his eyes, and seeing the monster. I'm so. fucking. tired.

Hi ES,WH here. I am sorry that you are feeling like this. I think all of us WSs have been where you are.

My BW and I have had multiple D-days, 7 out of the nearly 8 years that we have been together. There have been great moments, bad moments, and horrible moments. Right now, we are living under different roofs. I can admit that I am a screw up and I am selfish and I have been looking out for my wants and needs for all of my life and I have not treated her as my wife.

It really is hard to see anything positive when you feel the way you are feeling right now, but try and remember the good times and the times you both persevered, together. It's crazy to me that one day everything can be going smashingly and then evening comes and things end up getting smashed.

Have you tried talking to your BS about how you are feeling?


Me: WH, 30's
Her : BW, 30's, (determinata)
Children: An amazing son.
I am a sex addict, working on myself, and facing the wreckage of my actions.



Posts: 291 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: New York City
Topic Posts: 11

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