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Should I answer the ex

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Rainbows posted 4/7/2014 19:06 PM

Still working through D with the Ex who is also an L. I dropped my attorney and have been self representing since he was acting crazy to run up my legal bills (I'm getting one to help me prepare for the mediation).

It's been good for me on many levels. It's empowering to face and beat him at different hearings and I've come a long way, that's for sure.

At the last hearing the judge asked me if I wanted to try free, court mediation and I said sure. He had suggested it a few times, so I figured why not.

The ex never returned discovery when my L requested last July. I turned over my income and expense declaration, but ignored the hundreds of questions of admissions and interrogatories. They were irrelevant and his way of burying me in paper.

I should add, the ex has done so many looney things in court, that the judge always seems really annoyed and impatient with him.

With mediation late next month, he's blowing up my emails again. I've ignored his emails over the past couple of months which have gone from nasty to nice to self pitying.

I got another email today and he finally pushed the right buttons to get me to respond. Today, he approached me with "helpful advice."

I don't know if I should answer or not. I kind of like giving him crickets and giving myself peace.

Here's what I wrote (and saved):

"You did not comply with Former L's discovery request. Period. You have not sent anything back and I have the paper trail, so stop lying.

You are 100% in contempt of court and Former L was prepared to file sanctions against you.

You actually owe me discovery, so stop playing stupid games and wasting any more of life.

If you insist, then you can go explain to the judge why you are harassing me with your 600 IRRELEVANT and narcissistic questions.

By the way, here's the answer to every one of your discovery questions. Just copy and paste the following, since you have nothing but time on your hands.

"Objection, irrelevant and will not produce any relevant information pertinent to the facts of this case."

I already gave you my income and expense declaration and you have everything I am obligated to return to you per the law.

I know you think it doesn't apply to you, but that's not what being a member of the bar association means."

Should I send or keep giving crickets?

Mediation isn't until the end of May so I've got time to keep freezing him out.

SBB posted 4/7/2014 19:34 PM

What did he write to you? Your response is way too wordy. Keep it simple.

You have everything I am obligated to return to you per the law. As per the discovery request dated XXX you have not yet provided X, Y, Z. Please send these through ASAP and please stop the harassing, unsolicited and unnecessary contact.

Can something be done about a legal professional harassing someone under the guise of representing themselves? Can you call your Law Society? I'd be pulling out the big guns here.

A judge won't be looking through pages and pages of tit-for-tat. Just facts. Get too wordy and not only do you look like you're engaging but the facts are lost.

Rainbows posted 4/7/2014 19:40 PM

Thanks so much. I think I wanted to sneak a few subtle digs in. I'll keep if straightforward and matter of fact. You're right, there's no need for more than that.

I can definitely pursue him with with the bar association and already have a few different issues I'll be pursuing, but cannot do so until the active case is resolved.

They have that rule to prevent people from using threats of complaints as leverage in pending cases.

Eta: he said he can't mediate without my discovery and if he doesn't get it, he will file a contempt charge which can also be a criminal charge with jail time.

[This message edited by Rainbows at 7:43 PM, April 7th (Monday)]

Inalittlewhile posted 4/7/2014 20:04 PM

I am also a L. I would suggest continuing to freeze him out. Contact the bar association and put them on notice of his actions. File for sanctions against him.

Your ignoring him and doing what you have to do legally will speak much louder than entertaining his foolishness.

Amazonia posted 4/7/2014 20:24 PM


I wouldn't engage with him outside the courtroom, EVER, if I were you.

Nomorestrength posted 4/7/2014 21:20 PM

My WH is also a L (not family law though) and he knows that his failure to comply or hiding money could cost him his bar license. Not responding to discovery seems like enough to be reported to the bar (I'm no expert though).

I have a L and have filed and my settlement or complaint (I can't remember which document) said something in there about harassing the other spouse. Maybe you could add that in? It sounds like he is really bold to keep testing the judge.

I commend you for doing this yourself! It all seems like a lot of templates that I could do more myself then have them look over it. I might need to consider this!

Kajem posted 4/7/2014 22:37 PM


You answered him when he sent discovery. If he's asking about something specific that's missing, then answer. Otherwise crickets.

He knows he hasn't answered your discovery! Why keep asking him? Let him hang himself and the court sanction him! Don't remind him, that's parenting him... It's not your job to remind him to send in his financials - that's his attorney's job. Don't do his job for him.


Rainbows posted 4/7/2014 22:39 PM

Thank you for responding. Your responses helped stop my trigger finger from hitting send. I'm always so grateful for the feedback and support here.

I'll contact the bar association again and see what I can do now. It's so frustrating that he seemingly is getting away with all those legal shenanigans.

I know things will change in due time, but it's frustrating when he keeps pushing issues and lies.

I have a restraining order against him where he can't, among other things, harass me or disturb my peace.

Can't wait for this nightmare to end. He keeps trying to bully and intimidate me into a legal separation instead of D.

I ignore, ignore, ignore, but every once in a while I just want to scream.

gonnabe2016 posted 4/8/2014 01:03 AM

he said he can't mediate without my discovery and if he doesn't get it, he will file a contempt charge which can also be a criminal charge with jail time.

Pot? Meet kettle, right?
Do NOT attempt to mediate with this guy until you have all the information that you have requested.

What you need to be careful of, though, is that *you* are not off the hook for answering to the court for requests that he has made of you even if he has blown your requests off. If his discovery and interrogatory requests went through the court by motion....then you are obligated to answer it and if you don't, he CAN file compel/contempt charges against you. And the fact that *he* didn't answer *you* will not be a defense.

hopingforhappy posted 4/8/2014 11:39 AM

He might be able to file a motion to compel, but he can't send you to jail. Any contempt charge (which you would have a chance to answer, BTW) would be civil contempt, not criminal contempt. It would take a whole lot to get a judge to jail you for civil contempt. He is just trying to scare you. Ignore and move ahead. (You must really be doing well--he is obviously running scared!)

sparkysable posted 4/8/2014 12:07 PM

Should I send or keep giving crickets?

For God's sake, do not engage with this nutcase. No good will come of it. None. He's not going to suddenly wake up and become a rational person. He will grab your arm and pull you into the murky waters of the swamp that he lives in.

Rainbows posted 4/8/2014 22:15 PM

Thanks again for helping me. I came home from a long day at work and felt like responding again today. Ugh. What is wrong with me.

Oh, I must be reacting to his threat of jail. It's the only button he pushed that seems to still be working since it's been easy to ignore everything else.

Hopingforhappy, thanks for letting me know the drill. I'm much less intimidated by it now. You're right he starts making more threats when he feels he's losing.

He has all of my income and expense information and documentation. Everything he needs and exactly what my former L requested from him.

He's belly aching over those inane questions. For example, one question asked me to confirm or deny if my parents ever invited him to attend church with my family. He claims to be an atheist and said he was offended when they asked.

What does that have to do with the division of our community property?

I'm sure if he pushes it in front of our judge, he'll get tossed on his butt again. Our judge really doesn't like him and is always admonishing him.

I'll keep NC because I don't want to get dragged back down again. I'm finally starting to see more sunshine than rain in my life.

homewrecked2011 posted 4/8/2014 22:23 PM

Applause to you for crickets!!!!

Anytime I think "Just this one time, I'll hit send and majically XWH will realize what I'm talking about",it never happens, I get drug into a fight.

My atty advised me NOT to send anything in writing before our hearing because it could all get twisted around....


Merlin posted 4/8/2014 22:43 PM

Anyone would want to respond. And maybe throw a few digs. Our egos wan that.

You haven't. Good for you. Keep silent thus keeping your ego in check.

Follow the rules for mediation.

Any communication should be 'clinical' in nature - facts only, no opinion, ego or invective.

Keep up the good work!

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