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early mid life crisis

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Gottagetthrough posted 4/7/2014 22:10 PM

I am 35. I'm too old for a quarter life crisis, and too young for a mid life crisis. I guess its more of a 1\3 life crisis.

I got married right out of college, and WH and I both worked for a year before going back to grad school. I got pregnant my last semester. WH found a job two hours from the major city that has lots of jobs in my field. At the expense to my career, we moved.

So, due to the fact that we lived in a rural area without a lot of jobs in my field, and the fact that I really enjoyed staying at home, I have been a SAHM for 9 years.

My oldest is almost 9 and then I have a 5 year old. 5 year old is kindergarten age this fall.
I began homeschooling my older child this year due to some issues we were having with her school, and plan to homeschool next year.

This past year, I feel like I straddled the line between SAHM and Homeschool mom. My younger child went to mommy play groups, and so I still fit into that mom of young kids group. Next year, I'm pretty much full blown mom of school age kids. I feel guilty not going back to work (or continuing graduate school) I also want another baby (actually 2).

I just feel like I am at lose ends. Any other moms feel like this when their youngest reached a certain age... Its tough because I thought I would have finished having kids by now, but life had other plans.

Ugh... How does one get past this plateau and go forward... For 9 years I have either been pregnant or had a little baby, or, for the past 3, working on my marriage & helping my husband with some serious mental health issues. And now, I have school age kids, and my marriage is a lot better than it had been... Now I have to pick something-- get a job, continue homeschool, have a baby, do all 3..

[This message edited by Gottagetthrough at 10:19 PM, April 7th (Monday)]

MrsDoubtfire posted 4/8/2014 04:19 AM

If you get a chance read Erickson's Lifespan Theory.

It explains all the stages in life and details what a mid life crisis is and why mid life crises arise.

If you are having one then it will help you to start moving forwards once more.

[This message edited by MrsDoubtfire at 4:19 AM, April 8th (Tuesday)]

authenticnow posted 4/8/2014 05:29 AM


I'm past your stage but I totally get what you're saying. Each life stage has its challenges, and some have been particularly rough for me.

Right now I'm at kindasorta empty nester with a boomerang child and another about to graduate from college and move back home. Reverse empty nester?

I'm going to check out that book as well!

tushnurse posted 4/8/2014 07:48 AM

It's funny you mention this a group of girls from work were having this conversation the other day. One of them just got her baby out of diapers, and literally had a melt down in the grocery store thinking I will never buy diapers again, and has baby fever pretty bad.

I never personally went through that I wanted 2 kids had them and was freaking thrilled with each stage of development where they became a little more independent. It is only recently at 14 and 17 that I realize we almost done. I blinked twice and wham bam it's almost over. Now I am not pining for another baby, and am pretty content with life as it is.

The only piece of advice I would offer you is to, Enjoy them, each and every step of the way. They are beyond special. Don't feel guilty if you want to be a SAHM, and have the financial ability to. There is a lot a SAHM can do even when they are in school. Being involved with parent groups, educational advancement, and even spending some time on you. If you want another kiddo, go for it, but also do not feel like you have to to be able to continue doing what you are. Remember another baby means turning back the clock to up all night, diapers, bottles, toddlerhood, and all of that. Not a road I want to venture down again, of course I had bad bad bad babies. If they had been good ones I might feel differently.

Gottagetthrough posted 4/8/2014 10:36 AM

Thanks everyone. I just typed out a huge post and deleted it because of too much info (if any of my friends or family read SI and have thought I think I know who gottagetthrough is ... They'd know it after that post:))

I think I am at a point where life is semi-stable. It hasn't been for years. And now I can look back and think, OK, I've gotten thru some rough patches, what do I want to do w the rest of my life?

In my deleted post, I basically thought out what I want for the next few years. I do want more kid(s). (1 or 2). I want to go back to work... Eventually. Instead of feverishly trying to find a PhD program though, I think I'll start with volunteering. Work up to going back to school... Not jumping in full force right now.

I'm rushing a lot of things, and I need to start thinking long term... How's this goal best obtained. Not just, let's get it done... I need to think, how can I get it done, get it done correctly, and enjoy the process of meeting the goal.

I just declined a play date for my kids and a bday party. I feel....lighter. I over schedule and try to do everything and have not been enjoying the journey. I'm going to make a conscious effort to pick events and activities that are meaningful, spend more family time together and just enjoy life.

Thank you guys, it has REALLY helped me to be able to think this thru on off topic. I want to hug you all!

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