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StillLivin posted 4/7/2014 23:37 PM

I'm finally able to start going through his personal shit left in the office and in the garage. I'm separating and bagging. I'm dealing with a poor widdle muffin who is just so abused by mean o me! Grrrrr.
This shit needs to get done so I can get him even more out of my life. But just dealing with him to have someone come get his shit is an exercise in futility. He has one excuse after another. I don't know anybody, I don't have any friends. I can't find anybody who will do pick my stuff up, blah blah blah. He has literally dozens of friends here. Dozens!!! Each email he is more and more the victim. Then he suggests I pay for and mail approximately 10 hefty bags and about 20 medium/large boxes...and get this, because he mailed me a small picture THAT HE STOLE from me.
I spent time that I could have used on getting stuff done in my yard (building a retaining wall for the front and need to put some rose bushes in ground), or working on my homework assignments.
Do I get a F'ing thank you. No I get attitude because I don't want him to come on my property personally and get it. He is having a colossal mantrum like the asswhole he is.
He sends me this shit:

I do not know those people like that StillLivin and you know that. You know what never mind, don't worry about it.

What I WANT to send but won't....I'll vent here instead:
You know what, I'm the one doing all the work here. If you can't appreciate that and not give me attitude, then that is exactly what I will do...I will never mind. I have bent over backwards for your lieing, cheating/adulterating, and emotionally abusive ass.
How about a thank you. Can you do that, Shrekfucker? Can you for once in your life appreciate something?
I wish you would read your emails. You sound like a spoiled, entitled child.
Me me me.
I am getting pretty fed up with doing good deeds for you and getting this crap. They say, "No good deed goes unpunished!"
You are acting just like your ex-wife, Cray cray, when she was thick in the affair fog. Denial, blameshifting, rewriting marital history, and just being a compete jerk. You and her are alike in more ways than just the adultery. Shame on you.
Ok, feeling better. Haven't had to deal with him in a while. Thank you folks, hope you enjoyed the show.

SBB posted 4/8/2014 00:04 AM

Vent away, friend.

I wonder if you could just turf his shit out to your lawn (neat piles or not - your choice) and give him 24 hours notice to retrieve or it will be taken to the dump? Maybe talk to your L and see what you can do.

Surely hefty bags aren't required in UnicornFartLand??

I would not be happy with having his crap around me. Bad JuJu.

BAB61 posted 4/8/2014 00:24 AM

I agree, put it on the curb and then inform him ... whoever picks it up keeps it ... here in my area stuff gets picked up quick!

StillLivin posted 4/8/2014 00:33 AM

SBB I do not want him on the property. After discovery of the A and he was having a rage, he put his hands on me. Right before DD#1 he put his hands on me. My H is 6'2" to my 5'4" and weighs about 255. He is extremely muscular, and can easily pick me up with one hand and toss me like a rag doll.
I have a .45 with hollow points. I do not want to have to test the theory if I am capable of actually pulling the trigger. I do not hate him, but I will defend myself. I'd rather not be in that situation in the first place. Once I allow him onto the property,I cannot get police assistance until after he has attacked me...crazy I know. I do not see why I should have to leave my property like I did something wrong.
And legally, I can't leave his stuff and then leave the property unsecured. I would be liable for anything missing, or anyting HE says (lies) is missing or damaged. I already did my homework with the L. Tee heee heee, I had planned on doing just what you said a few weeks ago before discussing with my attorney!
edited for clarification.

[This message edited by StillLivin at 2:24 AM, April 8th (Tuesday)]

HurtsButImOK posted 4/8/2014 01:22 AM

Are you able to hire a storage unit for a month and shift his crap, then mail him the key?

Email him to advise that the unit is paid for 1 month, get his crap or else they will dispose of it.

It bites ass how ungrateful they are. Mine was the same. He couldn't even manage an insincere thank you for arranging to return crap he left (twice!). When I found more crap after that it went straight in the bin .

SBB posted 4/8/2014 01:25 AM

Damn. Fun killers.

Can you have a garage sale? Surely you're not obligated to store his shit forever? When can you turf it all and how much notice do you have to give the fucker?

StillLivin posted 4/8/2014 01:42 AM

Hurts, that is way too much trouble to put myself through. He has so much crap here, and I have a very small car to be trying to haul that much crap to the closest storage facility (30 miles away). Plus, I'm unemployed and a full time student so I wouldn't waste the money on multiple trips back and forth or the money for the storage container ($117 a month). Also, why would I put my name on a storage facility with his shit in it? He would get his stuff late on purpose and then not pay the bill because it isn't in his name, so I would be forced to pay or have collections come after me.
SBB, After 60 days of being served, if he doesn't coordinate, I can dump it or donate it for the tax break. He is going to really have a conniption when he is served D papers on 14 April!
He is just acting out like a child is all. But it is annoying considering I haven't had to deal with him for months.
If I could get away with it I would take it all to the dump or Goodwill for the tax write off. Would serve him right, but gotta play by the rules even if he didn't.
ETA: This is just one of those times I have to bite the bullet and ignore his stupid self victimization. It is just so irritating because HE was NEVER the victim. He has been the cheatinass POS victimizer!

[This message edited by StillLivin at 1:45 AM, April 8th (Tuesday)]

hummingbird8 posted 4/8/2014 01:54 AM

Put his stuff outside. Lock yourself inside with a phone to call the police and tell him he has until this day and time to get his stuff and if he harrasses you or threatens you, you will be calling the police.

This seems like a way to stay engaged in arguing with him. There is a way to stop that but you are not going to do it by trying to control him and tell him he has to have friends come get his stuff etc etc.

StillLivin posted 4/8/2014 02:02 AM

hummingbird, For the record, StillLivin (yes in the 3d person) runs from no one. Period.
I'm not in a quandary of what to do, I was just ranting because dealing with him is a little frustrating cuz he is in idjat.
Before I pick up the phone, I have my .45 ready first. Phone comes second. Always in that order no matter who the threat is.
I am not telling him he has to have friends come get his stuff. I am telling him that he cannot come on the property without police escort. This is in legal paperwork. However, if I willingly allow him on the property without police escort, then I cannot just call the police and demand they show up. At that point I would need a reason. I was willing to compromise since he was so averse to looking like a criminal and I GAVE him the option of having someone else come pick up his stuff in order to avoid the humiliation of the whole neighborhood seeing him escorted like a criminal with the police. In mediation, he accepted that kind compromise. That is why this is all so frustrating. He is the one that didn't want the police. Now he is acting like he is the victim and like poor him with the mean o wifey who won't let him come get his stuff without the police. This is just his way of trying to either A control the situation and cake eat, or B further demonize and blameshift to validate in his own mind how mean, awful, and unreasonable I have always been to poor him. My response is crickets. My rant is only here. I've gotten pretty good at crickets!

ETA: Actually my response isn't truly crickets. I've already shot off an email to my attorney. SHE will send him a letter reminding him that he is not to come on the property or into the home without police. She will state he has 60 days to get his stuff. She will remind him that a compromise to the humiliation of police is he can coordinate with a friend to come pick up his stuff. She will remind him that I am within my legal right to protect myself and police will be involved if he violates any of the above. He will then shoot off some texts, which I will ignore, and some phone calls, which go straight to voicemail. When all else fails, he will send scathing emails (until he runs out of energy), about how poor him and meanie me is being unreasonable. Like he never put his hands on me. Like he never choked me and I had to punch him in the throat and almost take out his eye socket (ok self defense is my strong point...but he is huge so I just got lucky).
There will be NO repeat of him ever putting his hands on me again. He caught me off guard because up until that point he had never in over 20 years put his hands on me. I will take every precaution now.

[This message edited by StillLivin at 2:27 AM, April 8th (Tuesday)]

Gemini71 posted 4/8/2014 07:54 AM

StillLivin, you've already done more than enough. Curb his shit and be done with it.

My sister and I had a 'Packing Party' when I kicked STBXH out of the house. We were nice and used boxes. But we packed anything we wanted to get ride of, including the trash. I also packed the kids' extra school photos in his porn stash. Hope he appreciated the buzz kill.

Rant. We appreciate it.

StillLivin posted 4/8/2014 11:00 AM

Gemini, I have to do this within the constraints of the law. I already know what I am going to do, as stated in an earlier post in the thread. It's just aggravating that he choose how he wanted to do this....then twists it that I am not letting him get his shit. That is the farthest thing from the truth.
Last night, after 6 hours of doing homework, and 2 hours of doing yard work, I was tired and already frustrated (only got a 88 on my exam) when he sent his stupidity and martyr drivel.

My response email was of just facts and options and giving him a deadline to coordinate. My attorney will send another letter. Then I wait it out. If he continues to be the martyr, I don't give a F... I will donate his crap. Whatever is not in donation shape I will take to the dump.
Or he will get his head out of his fourth point of contact and coordinate one of three ways to get his stuff. His choice, too easy for me.
Cut and pasted from the email I sent. short, sweet, and to the point.

If I find your DD214, I will mail it to you. I am willing to mail ONE other box, at cost of no more than $20, to you of any other paperwork you request that I find.
Let me know how you want to procure your items. If you need to come within the property or need my presence, you will coordinate with the Xxxx Police Department, 000-123-0000, for a civil standby and come separate and pack your own things. You have two other options.
A. You can allow me to pack your stuff. I can contact you when this is complete. You can coordinate to have a friend come pick up your stuff.
B. You can allow me to pack your stuff. Again, when this is complete, I will contact you and inform you. You can coordinate to come get your stuff off of the property. You will NOT come within the residence if there is no civil standby with law enforcement. You will have a three (3) hour block of time to procure your stuff from the back yard. If three (3) hours is not enough time, let me know in advance.

No matter how reasonable, or within the constraints of the law I am, he will lie or twist the facts to still make me the bad guy and him the poor widdle victim. I know this. It's want I find in such poor taste and frustrating.
But, it is a means to an end.
Believe me, I had every intention of throwing his shit out on the front lawn in the middle of rattlesnake and tarantula season! But my attorney is right, I must cover my back.

ETA: After a good nights sleep, I decided that crickets in this particular instance might not be in my best interest if a judge saw the emails.

[This message edited by StillLivin at 11:08 AM, April 8th (Tuesday)]

norabird posted 4/8/2014 11:03 AM

ETA: Actually my response isn't truly crickets. I've already shot off an email to my attorney. SHE will send him a letter reminding him that he is not to come on the property or into the home without police. She will state he has 60 days to get his stuff. She will remind him that a compromise to the humiliation of police is he can coordinate with a friend to come pick up his stuff. She will remind him that I am within my legal right to protect myself and police will be involved if he violates any of the above.

You are being amazing collected to go this route, god for you!

StillLivin posted 4/8/2014 11:04 AM

Actually, my neighbor just made a very good point. The more emails with his stupidity and me being reasonable and patient, the better. A judge will see right through his crap and won't tolerate it if he tries to take me to court. And....I save every email and text!
So guess his frustrating behavior is worth it.
Silver lining!!!

StillLivin posted 4/8/2014 11:06 AM

Thank you norabrid. If this rant serves nothing else, I hope what I am doing....i.e. ranting here but IRL handling the situation calmly and professionally helps others.
I know that the WS behaviour tend to be very frustrating and crazy making at times.

StillLivin posted 4/9/2014 19:44 PM

And the crazy continues if I let it.
I sent a very factual email in response to his poor me drivel.
And I got this:

StillLivin I wasn't being nasty, I am just tired of asking and telling you repeatedly that I do not know anyone like that. StillLivin as far as thanking you, you have not once thanked me for the things that I have done everything that you asked except this one thing because I couldn't afford too. I have given you money that I didn't have to give aside from what I am supposed to give and I have never received a thank you at all. What I have received from you is a lot of name calling and grief. StillLivin you act as if I am asking the world from you and I am not but you ask and expect me to give the world to you. StillLivin until you made the decision on letting me come and pick up my paperwork, I have not been allowed to peaceably go to the property that I pay half on to get my things.. Oh and I am not the blame for your lack of time for school, you had time to do it and said in the lawyers office that you would give me my paperwork weeks before I left for Afghanistan. I have done everything that you have asked except this time because I didn't have it but you don't care about about that but you expect me to be sympathetic too you and that's not right.

Most if it is twisted facts from him, i.e. we never even discussed his paperwork he abandoned, much less me not allow him to come get it. Hell he has always had the legal right to come get his crap. I WISH HE HAD COME AND GOTTEN ALL OF HIS CRAP AT ONE TIME. Instead, he wanted to come piecemail into my home.
What I will send this time.....chirp chirp, did you hear something?
What I want to send is this:
You have done nothing that I have asked. I asked you to be honorable, to be a good Christian who followed the commandments in the Bible. I asked you to open your heart to what God was saying to you. Instead you told HIM to go F... himself and then flaunted your mistress in HIS face while doing nothing for a divorce first. I have asked you from here to Sunday to pay for the divorce so I can at least file. I want to move on with my life. Unlike you, I have a moral compass. I cannot date or go out or do anything with a man even as just friends because I AM A MARRIED WOMAN! It is not right that you get to tramp around with a whore and thumb your nose at God and I am stuck in this wreck of a marriage because you want to control me. You KNOW what you are doing is wrong, yet you lecture ME. You cannot even admit to your friends and family that you have a mistress and actively cohabitating with her. You are ashamed of her. You should be.
AND, how dare you lecture me on broken promises. How dare you expect me to thank you for all of the promises and vows you flagrantly broke, lies, deception, DISRESPECT, abandonment, and emotional and physical abuse. Please, save your retort about the physical abuse. You didn't know (and neither did I at the time), DS17 snuck out of the garage that day and witnessed you manhandling me and throwing me out of the house and trying to slam the door on my arm all because I asked you to vacuum the house when I was hurt. He saw the entire thing and heard most of what was said by you. It is the biggest reason I got him into counseling after he came clean.
As for not being allowed to come to the house, you are lying. You have not sent me one email, one phone call, one text message about coming for the rest of your things. Not only that, YOU were the one that demanded we don't go to each other's residences to pick up our belongings from one another. I have the email you sent demanding this. I just love how you continue to twist facts and outright lie. You have always had the legal option to have a civil standby with law enforcement present and come to the house to pack up your things. So quit acting like "meanie old me" is keeping you from your stuff. Poor you.
I suggested a compromise that you could have a friend come get your stuff instead of the embarrassment of the neighbors seeing you escorted by the police to get your things. You had no problem hanging out with your friends and playing video games at their homes on the weekends until 10:00 p.m. at night, or like Tony and the rest going to strip clubs and bars all night. Yet now they aren't "like that". What about "your SF boys" that you went to go see in Phoenix? Wait, those SF boys of yours were all named Xxxxxx Xxxxxx! (Name of Shrek)
STBXH, You have had plenty of time to get your stuff. At this point it is considered abandoned. I can treat it as such and dispose of it legally. Do NOT send me anymore ridiculous emails with you feeling sorry for yourself or anymore twisted facts. I am being nice, and I am trying to take the high road here. But I may have to take my advice from the old adage of, "No good deed goes unpunished", when it comes to dealing with you.
Whew, Now that I have gotten all of this off of my chest, we can (hopefully) play nice and behave like ladies and gentlemen. It is all up to you. Keep pushing the envelope by sending me provoking emails, and I will have no more contact with you and I will dispose of MY property that you abandoned (6 months is the legal limit) almost 8 months ago.
Or, you can choose to show me the respect I deserve, nay earned, and we can keep the contact to business only.

ETA: Had I sent the email, I would have been lying about the 6 months. C'est la vie, it is really a year or I would NOT have taken the high road! Tee hee heee. But he is an idjat and would never have known that.

[This message edited by StillLivin at 7:53 PM, April 9th (Wednesday)]

norabird posted 4/9/2014 22:33 PM

His email makes me alternate between wanting to laugh, cry, and steam. Oh my gosh, you haven't even THANKED him!!!!

I also greatly enjoyed your ranting response, and am laughing even more at the idea of this guy as a gentleman.

I am so freaking sorry he is utterly incapable of seeing that in fact the world does not resolve around his totally whacked out perceptions of reality!

newlysingle posted 4/9/2014 22:58 PM

This guy is such a tool. I agree that you just put his shit out on the curb and tell him to come and get it. You don't need to see or interact with him. Leave the house if you must.

[This message edited by newlysingle at 11:03 PM, April 9th (Wednesday)]

newlysingle posted 4/9/2014 23:02 PM

Forget it. I was trying to embed a snarky meme, but it won't work.

[This message edited by newlysingle at 11:03 PM, April 9th (Wednesday)]

StillLivin posted 4/10/2014 01:12 AM

The whole point isn't even about him getting his stuff. If you read my emails carefully, I am the one trying to get rid of his shit.
Notice he never actually addresses getting his stuff. This shit is just about control. I have taken it away from him by refusing to actually let him SEE me. So he does the me me me and poor widdle him dance in all of the emails of lies and twisted facts. If I respond to his provocation, I am the mean B, plus he wins because he gets emotions from me.
If I could afford to have my attorney do everything, I would.
Unfortunately, I am unemployed right now. So unless I no longer have the desire to eat again, I will just have to ignore his ridiculousness until he is ready to come get his stuff. He will eventually grow up after he gets tired of crickets.

absolut posted 4/10/2014 01:25 AM

So you *are* trying to get rid of it?

But you're worried if you just toss it there might be legal ramifications correct?

And an attorney is about to send him a 60 day notice? Correct?
In that case just stop interacting with him. He knows he can get it with a police escort (doubtful he will do) he knows he can send a friend (again doubtful) just toss everything in some corner and wait out the 60 days. You don't have to reply to his communications. If he suggests something that is outside the bounds of what you agreed on, you don't have to explain to him anything, just don't reply.

Only reply if he texts you to say something that is acceptable like "James will be there at 11am to get my stuff"

and just text back "OK"

But really I think just get the 60 day thing done and stop communicating.

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