First of all welcome. I'm sorry you had cause to look for a place like this but I am glad you found it.
What you're proposing is called 'nesting' - x and I did a version of it for the very short term between the end of False R and our house settling (thank god I had insisted on selling the house whether or not we R or S whilst he was still being cooperative).
The parent who had the girls also had the house to themselves until 10.30pm that night and the other left by 7am that morning so we wouldn't have to see each other. I think we alternated days. I slept in the room - him on the couch.
Whilst I was dying a slow and agonising death every day he was trying to get the next victim to fall in love with him. This after 3 months of him saying "I'll do whatever it takes for as long as it takes".
My head WS spinning so much I didn't defend or even protect myself for fear of this actually happening. He turned feral virtually overnight and screwed me over so badly I'll feel the impact if it for the rest of my life.
How will you feel when (not if) she brings OM into your home, into your bed, around your kids? Will you still be so patient with her? She'll promise you the world and swear on all of her children's heads - she'll still do what she wants. But you'll have to learn that the hard way like we all do.
Stop defending her and start protecting yourself. You can't nice or love her into having real remorse. I tried and it blew up in my face - tens of thousands before me tried and failed as will a myriad after me.
I don't think you're ready to hear the rest of my advice. I will say what she is doing is called cake-eating and it is terribly damaging to you. You are her husband, FFS. Why on earth would you compete for her love or wait for her to decide between her husband and father of her children and some douchebag OM?
I know why - I did it too. I'm asking WHY in a think about what you're doing / don't do it way.
Fidelity is not a feeling - it is a choice. She doesn't love this OM - TBH she doesn't love you either. Not in a way that won't half kill you anyway.
That's all all say for now lest I scare you off. I recommend you pop down and have a look in the Betrayed Men's thread in the I Can Relate Forum. Also post in the Reconciliation forum as you might think us divorced people are biased - you'll soon realise we're not. We've BTDT and we all have the scars to prove it.
Read my profile. My first post here was 2 years ago virtually to the day. Right before I started on the path of False R. I posted in the same agony and confusion you are in now (the BS fog) - I didn't listen and got angry at the people here who we're trying to warn me, trying to help me. I thought they were biased and not at all supportive.
He was different. We were different. Our M was special. Our love was special.
Nope - he is exactly the same as every garden variety unremorseful wayward here. Pedestrian. A complete cliche. He did everything they all do. I ignored all of the advice anyway. Until I couldn't ignore it anymore.
She didn't cheat because you are not enough - she cheated because she is not enough.
Stop seeing her as the woman you want her to be or thought she was - see her for the woman she is.
She is showing you who she is - BELIEVE HER.
((DepressedDaddy))