SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

ChinaCat posted 4/8/2014 10:01 AM

Today is the day I made my husband aware that I want to negotiate terms for a divorce.

He was full of hate, threats, insults, etc.
I walked calmly away.

Should I close our joint checking account? He is the kind of person who may take the money. In fact I am positive he would if he thinks of it.

RyeBread posted 4/8/2014 10:12 AM

I don't know that I would close it but if there is any money in it, take your half and open your own account. Any money you take you have to account for in the D proceedings so tread lightly and talk to a lawyer first if you can.

[This message edited by RyeBread at 10:13 AM, April 8th (Tuesday)]

GotPlayed posted 4/8/2014 10:24 AM

Yep. Note the current balance, take your half into it and notify him you did. The balance at the time of separation (before you took your half) should be noted in your list of assets. Firm but fair.

Start keeping a log of expenses that includes the source account of the money, so you can be reimbursed for half or charged for half depending on which account it came out of (since you will no longer be contributing to the joint acct), and what the money was used for.

You don't have to close the account, but you can ignore it and stop using it.

And feel free to move your direct deposit if you moved out or are no longer sleeping together (in CA). After the date of separation, your paycheck is your own.

Remember to move to your account anything of yours that draws from the joint account.

Finally, put a credit alert on yourself, or sign up to credit karma. Keep an eye on things that have your name on them so you both make sure they get paid.

IANAL, but my L instructed me to do it like this.

Leia posted 4/8/2014 10:37 AM

Get to the bank now and follow the advice of others. I got cleaned out and trust me, you don't want to be in that position.

Gemini71 posted 4/8/2014 10:48 AM

Also request to be taken off of the joint account. Otherwise you're still liable for any overdrafts, fees, etc.

ChinaCat posted 4/8/2014 11:10 AM

But I am a homemaker.
I do not have income.
I do have an account for my son and I for expenses, but do not have my own money I am in control of like a pay check.

freeatlast72 posted 4/8/2014 11:18 AM

I work part-time and STBXH is the main breadwinner.

I spoke to an attorney and retained. She sent a letter to STBXH advising him that I retained and to keep depositing all funds in joint checking account until we negotiate financial situation...child support, alimony, etc...

Then she told me to take half of the joint savings account (she wrote this in the letter) and open an individual account. I opened up my own checking account before the letter was sent so all I had to do was withdraw the funds and then deposit in my own account.

Hoping to settle at the end of this month or in early May.

He wanted control of all the funds and did not want attorneys involved. He wanted to negotiate child support and alimony on our own, but he was not playing fair, so I retained to protect myself and my daughter.

He has been depositing his paycheck in joint checking account and we have been paying the bills (individual and joint) until we settle. If he did not do this, my attorney would take appropriate action--file a motion, but he has been complying because he has no choice.

[This message edited by freeatlast72 at 11:19 AM, April 8th (Tuesday)]

Nature_Girl posted 4/8/2014 18:19 PM

I did not take myself off the joint account. When finally forced (and this took about six months), he began depositing money in the joint account. I'd take the money & put it in my own account that had just my name on it.

You MUST prepare yourself for being single. That starts with you opening your own checking account. Just your name. Withdraw half the money from your joint account & put it in your new checking account. Your STBX can continue to deposit funds into the joint account, you can continue to withdraw funds from there & put them in your sole account.

Don't close any accounts. Just start your own.

Cally60 posted 4/8/2014 23:53 PM

Withdraw half the money from your joint account & put it in your new checking account. Your STBX can continue to deposit funds into the joint account, you can continue to withdraw funds from there & put them in your sole account.

Yes. You have explained that your husband is already full of hate, insults, etc. It is therefore entirely possible that, whatever his usual character, in his current irrational state he will empty your joint account(s). So you really need to withdraw at least half of the money while you still can. Then you will at least have some ready cash for when you need it.

I have a friend who was also a stay-at-home wife and whose husband walked out heartlessly and without a backward glance. He continued to pay the major bills, but from that day until the divorce went through, the only liquid cash my friend had was the money that - thanks to SI advice - she withdrew from their joint account, on the day she discovered that he'd blocked her from using his credit card.

[This message edited by Cally60 at 11:59 PM, April 8th (Tuesday)]

Nature_Girl posted 4/9/2014 00:15 AM

It cannot be emphasized enough that you need to protect yourself financially. My ex immediately cut me & the children off financially when we separated. If it weren't for the fact that I'd pre-emptively taken money & put it in my own account, we would have been without any money at all. He refused to provide us any support at all until ordered by the court. It was very ugly.