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Newest Member: pea2 (46023)

User Topic: Summer custody battle. Need immediate help!
courageous
♀ 34477
Member # 34477
Default  Posted: 12:18 PM, April 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My ex told me the dates he wished to have the kids this summer. The kids are 7 and 3. We have a special condition in our decree that even though it is less than 100 miles he gets 42 days.

He picked his days which is half of June and all of July. One of his sections of visitation is his regular summer visitation and extended summer visitation together which makes him having the kids a total of 32 days straight.

The decree states if his possession exceeds 30 days I get 2 weekends. He is adamant that it is not mean regular and extend visitation time.

I fear for my babies. They do not do well being away from me so long. As it is, I would only see them every 2 weeks IF he relents on this 2 weekend issue.

I have only a couple of days left to confirm my weekends. Time is of the essence. I need some help!!!!


Me: BW (35)
Him: ExWH (31) EA/PA with MOW coworker
Married 9 years, 2 small kids
dday 3/12/2011 divorced fall 2012

My ipad does a lot of crazy typos.


Posts: 669 | Registered: Jan 2012
SisterMilkshake
♀ 30024
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 12:24 PM, April 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I believe it means you get 2 weekends if he has possession of the children exceeding 30 days. If it doesn't have any exclusions, you get two weekends. Simple.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 10082 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
Gemini71
♀ 40115
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 12:26 PM, April 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ditto. Pick your weekends and send them with your confirmation of his dates.


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Double Betrayal D-Day 7/26/2013
Divorced 11/18/2014

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 2089 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
5454real
♂ 37455
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 12:28 PM, April 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have never heard of a custodial set up that allowed one parent to have 30 days straight.

he's blowing smoke.


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 21(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 3293 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
cvs2kkids
♂ 41298
Member # 41298
Default  Posted: 12:29 PM, April 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would tend to make an appointment with your lawyer ASAP.

As this will set your precedent for many years, very important to get it interpreted right the first time.


Philippians 4:6-7

6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your min


Posts: 241 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: NB Canada
courageous
♀ 34477
Member # 34477
Default  Posted: 12:31 PM, April 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I did tell my ex and he says I'm wrong. He says I can only take 1 weekend that is a regular summer visitation and 1 extended summer visitation weekend.

I just don't know how to fight him on this. I know I'm right I fired my lawyer for being incompetent so I can't just call up and ask.

[This message edited by courageous at 12:31 PM, April 8th (Tuesday)]


Me: BW (35)
Him: ExWH (31) EA/PA with MOW coworker
Married 9 years, 2 small kids
dday 3/12/2011 divorced fall 2012

My ipad does a lot of crazy typos.


Posts: 669 | Registered: Jan 2012
5454real
♂ 37455
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 12:35 PM, April 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sure there's another lawyer in your area that would be happy to give you an opinion on what it means. you really aren't even asking for representation, just an opinion.


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 21(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 3293 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
broken2
♀ 16935
Member # 16935
Default  Posted: 12:48 PM, April 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can you call an attorney with a quick question? Sounds like you would get a definitive answer from
one. Maybe he/she will let you fax the child custody part so he/she can read it and then give you the answer.

Hope all works out for you and your babies.

[This message edited by broken2 at 12:50 PM, April 8th (Tuesday)]


Posts: 2047 | Registered: Nov 2007
suckstobeme
♀ 30853
Member # 30853
Default  Posted: 2:33 PM, April 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hate to tell you this, but if it's unclear from the document and the language can be taken both ways, you only have two choices. You either adopt his interpretation of the summer custody issues, knowing that if you do it once that sets the precedent for future years and it will be harder to "undo". Or, you push back and give him the dates using your interpretation of the agreement, knowing that if he fights you on it, you may have to retain another lawyer to help you unravel this mess in court.

If you fired your attorney for incompetence, I would not go back to him/her for this issue. I would go to another attorney to seek an opinion - perhaps a fresh pair of eyes can take a look and let you know how the local courts would view the language included in your agreement.


BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

Posts: 2907 | Registered: Jan 2011
courageous
♀ 34477
Member # 34477
Default  Posted: 12:29 AM, April 13th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So the exwh is still being an asshole and now threating to take me to court about it. I just bought a new car and he knows it. He now has a $200,000 plus yearly income while mine is only $20,000. He is definitely a bully. He emailed that I'm trying to deny him time with the kids.

I want to reply with the following:


Wow! Where was this desire to be involved with the kids when we were married? I remember begging you to spend time with them and your reply was as long as they had one involved parent that was enough.

I am adamant that you are reading the decree incorrectly. I feel your actions are not in the best interest of the kids. Sadly I can only sit back and repair the damage from your actions. As you know I recently purchased a new car and I'm not in a place this year to take on more court expenses, which I know you are using to your advantage.

I will not force you to follow the guidelines this year and just take the one extended summer weekend and normal weekend. But I will take this up with you next summer.


What do you think?


Me: BW (35)
Him: ExWH (31) EA/PA with MOW coworker
Married 9 years, 2 small kids
dday 3/12/2011 divorced fall 2012

My ipad does a lot of crazy typos.


Posts: 669 | Registered: Jan 2012
betrayedfriend
♀ 19785
Member # 19785
Default  Posted: 1:05 AM, April 13th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No, no, no! Do not send it! You need to contact legal aid, or a women's advocate. Let them help you fight this, if you only make 20,000 a year you should qualify for some help. He is wrong here, completely, and if he wants to take you to court, let him, a judge won't give him 30 straight days without letting you see your kids for a weekend or two. And then ask that since he forced it to court he pay all associated expenses. Do not set this precedent. Send back, my weekends are as follows... Xx/yy-xx-yy and xx/yy-xx/yy. Then go radio silent. If he continues to dispute it and threaten court, your response should be crickets or a do as you feel you must regarding court. You are right here, do not let him keep your babies away from you for a month!


I originally joined SI as a way to help my best friends find ways of coping with infidelity, but now infidelity has touched my family much closer to home.

Posts: 888 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Midwest USA
Sadmumma
♀ 42192
Member # 42192
Default  Posted: 6:14 AM, April 13th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't send it. If you can't help yourself, keep to the facts only.

XWH I. Believe you are reading the decree incorrectly. I believe xxx in which case it is my intention to see themxxx and xx weekendS out of your visits BETWEEN XX AND XXI trust we can settle this without court involvement.

XBW

That's what I'd do. But my court journey is yet to begin.


On any given day you have the power to say "my story is not going to end like this"
Me 41 BS
Him 41 WH
6 kids...7 weeks, 5,7,9,11&13
D day jan 29th 2014

Posts: 536 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Land down under
Amazonia
♀ 32810
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 6:27 AM, April 13th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nooooo! C, don't send that!

XH - The decree states if possession exceeds 30 days, I am entitled to two weekends with the children. [Quote decree here.] There is no differentiation between regular and extended time in the computation of the 30+ days. As the dates you have chosen amount to 32 consecutive days, I will exercise my right to weekends with the children on xx and xx weekends.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13927 | Registered: Jul 2011
tesla
♀ 34697
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 7:19 AM, April 13th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Absolutely DO NOT send that.
Send what Ama suggests. Then have your L send him a letter stating the same thing. Make sure you do include your election of your two weekends dates and specify the pick up times.

And then go silent.


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4819 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
Amazonia
♀ 32810
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 7:24 AM, April 13th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Also, as a side note, I find it ironic that he is withholding the children from you while he he claims you're withholding them from him.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13927 | Registered: Jul 2011
Take2
♀ 23890
Member # 23890
Default  Posted: 9:50 AM, April 13th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think this is a critical precedent setting moment, you can not afford to blink here! Take a deep breath!

Send what AMA said:

XH - The decree states if possession exceeds 30 days, I am entitled to two weekends with the children. [Quote decree here.] There is no differentiation between regular and extended time in the computation of the 30+ days. As the dates you have chosen amount to 32 consecutive days, I will exercise my right to weekends with the children on xx and xx weekends.

List pick up times or drop off times (if he is supposed to do all commuting transport).

Look to your decree...what happens in the case of contempt? If he doesn't adhere to the visitation - get a lawyer who will file and who will ask that he be charged for your atty - when he is found in contempt.

He is a bully with money - if you let this slide - if he knows you won't go to court if necessary, I'm concerned you'll be jumping for years to come.

Courageous - be it ! Live your screen name!


"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4171 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England
courageous
♀ 34477
Member # 34477
Default  Posted: 8:51 PM, April 13th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have sent the type of message that all of you have mentioned-- he still comes back with his harsh words and insisting he is right.

I think he is upset because he forgot about DD's program until I mentioned it. Also DS has mentioned my SO during FaceTime about the things SO has taught him or activities they did together. I don't think exwh likes the fact that I'm in a relationship. Plus life in unicorn fartland is not what he had hoped. Wifetress has gone on numerous of out of country trips since marriage for work. She admits she has poor boundaries.

I'm tired of fighting. I don't want to spend several thousand dollars to get 2 more days. I forget that nothing is easy with him.

Is he an asshole? Absolutely! Is he a complete and total loser? Most definitely! I hate him so much.

I'm sorry I'm letting all of you down by not being strong. I just can't afford any more sleepless nights because he upset me. I still struggling with severe depression.


Me: BW (35)
Him: ExWH (31) EA/PA with MOW coworker
Married 9 years, 2 small kids
dday 3/12/2011 divorced fall 2012

My ipad does a lot of crazy typos.


Posts: 669 | Registered: Jan 2012
Topic Posts: 17

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