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Summer custody battle. Need immediate help!

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courageous posted 4/8/2014 12:18 PM

My ex told me the dates he wished to have the kids this summer. The kids are 7 and 3. We have a special condition in our decree that even though it is less than 100 miles he gets 42 days.

He picked his days which is half of June and all of July. One of his sections of visitation is his regular summer visitation and extended summer visitation together which makes him having the kids a total of 32 days straight.

The decree states if his possession exceeds 30 days I get 2 weekends. He is adamant that it is not mean regular and extend visitation time.

I fear for my babies. They do not do well being away from me so long. As it is, I would only see them every 2 weeks IF he relents on this 2 weekend issue.

I have only a couple of days left to confirm my weekends. Time is of the essence. I need some help!!!!

SisterMilkshake posted 4/8/2014 12:24 PM

I believe it means you get 2 weekends if he has possession of the children exceeding 30 days. If it doesn't have any exclusions, you get two weekends. Simple.

Gemini71 posted 4/8/2014 12:26 PM

Ditto. Pick your weekends and send them with your confirmation of his dates.

5454real posted 4/8/2014 12:28 PM

I have never heard of a custodial set up that allowed one parent to have 30 days straight.

he's blowing smoke.

cvs2kkids posted 4/8/2014 12:29 PM

I would tend to make an appointment with your lawyer ASAP.

As this will set your precedent for many years, very important to get it interpreted right the first time.

courageous posted 4/8/2014 12:31 PM

I did tell my ex and he says I'm wrong. He says I can only take 1 weekend that is a regular summer visitation and 1 extended summer visitation weekend.

I just don't know how to fight him on this. I know I'm right I fired my lawyer for being incompetent so I can't just call up and ask.

[This message edited by courageous at 12:31 PM, April 8th (Tuesday)]

5454real posted 4/8/2014 12:35 PM

I'm sure there's another lawyer in your area that would be happy to give you an opinion on what it means. you really aren't even asking for representation, just an opinion.

broken2 posted 4/8/2014 12:48 PM

Can you call an attorney with a quick question? Sounds like you would get a definitive answer from
one. Maybe he/she will let you fax the child custody part so he/she can read it and then give you the answer.

Hope all works out for you and your babies.

[This message edited by broken2 at 12:50 PM, April 8th (Tuesday)]

suckstobeme posted 4/8/2014 14:33 PM

I hate to tell you this, but if it's unclear from the document and the language can be taken both ways, you only have two choices. You either adopt his interpretation of the summer custody issues, knowing that if you do it once that sets the precedent for future years and it will be harder to "undo". Or, you push back and give him the dates using your interpretation of the agreement, knowing that if he fights you on it, you may have to retain another lawyer to help you unravel this mess in court.

If you fired your attorney for incompetence, I would not go back to him/her for this issue. I would go to another attorney to seek an opinion - perhaps a fresh pair of eyes can take a look and let you know how the local courts would view the language included in your agreement.

courageous posted 4/13/2014 00:29 AM

So the exwh is still being an asshole and now threating to take me to court about it. I just bought a new car and he knows it. He now has a $200,000 plus yearly income while mine is only $20,000. He is definitely a bully. He emailed that I'm trying to deny him time with the kids.

I want to reply with the following:

Wow! Where was this desire to be involved with the kids when we were married? I remember begging you to spend time with them and your reply was as long as they had one involved parent that was enough.

I am adamant that you are reading the decree incorrectly. I feel your actions are not in the best interest of the kids. Sadly I can only sit back and repair the damage from your actions. As you know I recently purchased a new car and I'm not in a place this year to take on more court expenses, which I know you are using to your advantage.

I will not force you to follow the guidelines this year and just take the one extended summer weekend and normal weekend. But I will take this up with you next summer.

What do you think?

betrayedfriend posted 4/13/2014 01:05 AM

No, no, no! Do not send it! You need to contact legal aid, or a women's advocate. Let them help you fight this, if you only make 20,000 a year you should qualify for some help. He is wrong here, completely, and if he wants to take you to court, let him, a judge won't give him 30 straight days without letting you see your kids for a weekend or two. And then ask that since he forced it to court he pay all associated expenses. Do not set this precedent. Send back, my weekends are as follows... Xx/yy-xx-yy and xx/yy-xx/yy. Then go radio silent. If he continues to dispute it and threaten court, your response should be crickets or a do as you feel you must regarding court. You are right here, do not let him keep your babies away from you for a month!

Sadmumma posted 4/13/2014 06:14 AM

Don't send it. If you can't help yourself, keep to the facts only.

XWH I. Believe you are reading the decree incorrectly. I believe xxx in which case it is my intention to see themxxx and xx weekendS out of your visits BETWEEN XX AND XXI trust we can settle this without court involvement.


That's what I'd do. But my court journey is yet to begin.

Amazonia posted 4/13/2014 06:27 AM

Nooooo! C, don't send that!

XH - The decree states if possession exceeds 30 days, I am entitled to two weekends with the children. [Quote decree here.] There is no differentiation between regular and extended time in the computation of the 30+ days. As the dates you have chosen amount to 32 consecutive days, I will exercise my right to weekends with the children on xx and xx weekends.

tesla posted 4/13/2014 07:19 AM

Absolutely DO NOT send that.
Send what Ama suggests. Then have your L send him a letter stating the same thing. Make sure you do include your election of your two weekends dates and specify the pick up times.

And then go silent.

Amazonia posted 4/13/2014 07:24 AM

Also, as a side note, I find it ironic that he is withholding the children from you while he he claims you're withholding them from him.

Take2 posted 4/13/2014 09:50 AM

I think this is a critical precedent setting moment, you can not afford to blink here! Take a deep breath!

Send what AMA said:

XH - The decree states if possession exceeds 30 days, I am entitled to two weekends with the children. [Quote decree here.] There is no differentiation between regular and extended time in the computation of the 30+ days. As the dates you have chosen amount to 32 consecutive days, I will exercise my right to weekends with the children on xx and xx weekends.

List pick up times or drop off times (if he is supposed to do all commuting transport).

Look to your decree...what happens in the case of contempt? If he doesn't adhere to the visitation - get a lawyer who will file and who will ask that he be charged for your atty - when he is found in contempt.

He is a bully with money - if you let this slide - if he knows you won't go to court if necessary, I'm concerned you'll be jumping for years to come.

Courageous - be it ! Live your screen name!

courageous posted 4/13/2014 20:51 PM

I have sent the type of message that all of you have mentioned-- he still comes back with his harsh words and insisting he is right.

I think he is upset because he forgot about DD's program until I mentioned it. Also DS has mentioned my SO during FaceTime about the things SO has taught him or activities they did together. I don't think exwh likes the fact that I'm in a relationship. Plus life in unicorn fartland is not what he had hoped. Wifetress has gone on numerous of out of country trips since marriage for work. She admits she has poor boundaries.

I'm tired of fighting. I don't want to spend several thousand dollars to get 2 more days. I forget that nothing is easy with him.

Is he an asshole? Absolutely! Is he a complete and total loser? Most definitely! I hate him so much.

I'm sorry I'm letting all of you down by not being strong. I just can't afford any more sleepless nights because he upset me. I still struggling with severe depression.

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