SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

BeHappyAgain posted 4/8/2014 13:02 PM

I feel as though I have been coping with the changes in my life rather well. Maybe too well? I posted not too long ago about how I'm feeling nothing at all. Well, I think that is starting to turn.

STBXWH and I agreed that the best thing was to sell our home. It is way too big for just me and the two kids, not to mention the required maintenance of the yard, etc. I could afford to stay here based on the child support amount I will receive, but I just really want to be out from "under his wing" so to speak - I'd rather use that money to save for college, etc. vs. something that I rely on him for......because I don't trust him at all. I don't want to be stuck with a huge mortgage if he gets caught doing something disgusting and gets fired from his job (which is a valid concern).

Well I feel like selling this home is going to send me over the edge. How am I going to survive this? I went to an open house this past weekend and I started bawling while I was talking to the realtor. Pretty sure she thought I was a lunatic.

I just feel so much pressure. I feel like I need to find a new home before my oldest starts school in the fall (that is a priority for me). But that requires me to sell this one...... you know, the one I was supposed to live in with WH until I was old and grey. The ones I brought my babies home to. The one we just made a huge investment in to create a backyard "oasis." It is just more than I can take.

The summer is creeping up on me. This is just all going too fast. :(

Must Survive posted 4/8/2014 13:33 PM

BHA,

Its ok, lots of Realtors have gone through what you are going through (me).

Take things slow. In my district, if you are moving in the area you just need to show a contract/rental agreement with the address to start the kids in school. Check with your district. You probably have more time that you think.

I understand the pressure. I have to sell our home as soon as DS graduates high school.

Have you considered renting for 6 months or so? Are there a lot of homes available to purchase or is it low inventory.

There are a couple of different ways you could "move" and protect yourself making sure you have a home. Feel free to pm me if you want more info on the real estate/move stuff.

I can tell you that still living in the family home at times is hard. All the memories in this house sometimes hurt. And I have tried to remove anything regarding STBXH. The only reason I am here is because it is best for DS. While it is a big uncertainty for me, I know that I will heal more once I am out of this house.

deena posted 4/8/2014 13:38 PM

((((((BeHappyAgain)))))

I am so sorry for this hard time.

You will get thru this.

It sounds like you are just going to open houses on your own. I have done this too. I will have to start getting my house ready to sell before I get an agent to look for one to buy. For now I check on line and go to open houses to see what's out there.
I see it as not losing the dream house as getting rid of the house with the bad memories.

It might help getting an agent that you feel comfortable with, one that will also be selling your house. The agent then can do the research for the type of house you are looking for. Then you can just go see the ones he/she has picked for you. It might make it easier than you slugging thru a bunch of houses that aren't suited for you to find the ones that are.

I also just read a post. Fear vs reality. It was good to listen to others with the same fears along with their realities.
Makes it all seem do-able,

newlysingle posted 4/8/2014 13:52 PM

I know how you feel. I'm also going to have to sell my house soon. It's also the home that I was going to raise my kids in. We love our neighborhood and our neighbors so much. However, it is too big for me and requires way too much maintenance. I also can't afford to buy XH out, so we still co-own it together. Not a good situation and I need to break that tie to him.

It still breaks my heart though. I'm going to have to rent for now as I'm in school and won't be working for a couple more years. I fear not having the stability that I have now. We're in a great school district and not sure that I can afford to stay in our area.

Fortunately, a good friend will be selling it for me that is well aware of my situation and how painful it has been. I'm grateful that she will understand my tears.

jackie89 posted 4/8/2014 14:13 PM

This is how I felt LAST Year, when I sold our home.

It's all how you look at it. First you need to "accept" that this is your new reality. If you are selling the home, then it's because you know that there won't be a future with your STBXH right?

So ask yourself, why do you want to live there? So, that anytime something needs to be fixed you call on STBXH to come? = that's a new. hurt. every.time. trust me. I did that for 1 year. He either was too happy, which pissed me off, or was sad, which made me doubt myself or pissed that he "had" to come over - It always ended up hurting a little more.

When it comes down to the important stuff .... It's just a house. You'll make your new place, a HOME!

So, look at it as a new beginning, with excitement - fake it if you have to, but really it is exciting. You get to pick, decorate and live wherever you damn well please.

I second the opinion, to rent first, then you can take your time looking for your own place, when you are ready emotionally. Plus, you'll enjoy not having to worry about any maintenance, so that you can concentrate on YOU and your healing.

BeHappyAgain posted 4/9/2014 08:12 AM

Thanks for the support. I just feel overwheingly hopeless. The thing is, I don't want to live here. I do feel a little excited about moving into a new place of my own and starting over. It's just all if the emotions that I shouldn't have to be doing this at all you know!!?? The house just seems like the last thing in a line of really awful, emotional decisions. Like the final step maybe? I just want it feel like I'm moving forward - not feeling more sad every day. Wish I knew how to do that.

deena posted 4/9/2014 09:48 AM

Another process to get thru that will make you stronger.

It's ok to be sad.....it means you still have feelings.

Like Kelly Clarkson says. "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger"

I always think of this song to get thru the bad times.

(((((BHA)))))

BeHappyAgain posted 4/24/2014 22:54 PM

Guys I really need help. I don't know how I am going to get through the next few months. I know it is just a house.......but it seems to be the thing that I'm hanging onto at the moment.

How am I going to answer the questions my nosy neighbors ask when the for sale sign goes up? Yet another thing he doesn't have to deal with. My son doesn't want to move. He's little yet so he doesn't understand - he just knows he lives his yard and his playset. Such a waste.

I don't know where I'm going to live. Where my son will go to school. I don't want to leave my house and all the dreams, but I sure as hell don't want to live here either. I met with a realtor This week and j bawled the whole time. So I'm sure she thinks I'm a nut job.

Sometimes I feel like it would have been easier to sweep this all under the rug.