SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

We just had a great mc apt. I have been expressing my frustration for the past month at not being able to talk about A issues and triggers with wh without him getting defensive or angry.

Well I think he gets it! I hope so. Because I can't live holding it in anymore. Communicating my pain and triggers is necessary for us to heal and save the marriage. I tried holding it n. Not going to work!

So mc wants me to verbalized to wh. Problem is I don't know where to start. I am a very good communicator but somehow I am at a loss. I am gun shy. We talked for 5 years and he cheated again! Then I thought he got it twice this year until he ran out of patience. I shut down. Now I am ready because I know it is critical. I just don't know where I want to start. I think he gets this now and sees he has an issue with his anger at my anger.
Do I start with.....

Triggers? Issues I have? Anger? Hurt?

Not sure if this will help but for me, when I am having trouble figuring out what to talk about or how, I write.

I just start with what comes to mind first and let it go. I don't worry about it sounding elegant or thoughtful, it becomes a stream of consciousness thing. When I'm done, for the moment, I can read back over what I've written and usually an order or pattern emerges over how to approach it. Once I have that, I list the details then write again trying to be more elegant and tactful.

It helps me to compose my thoughts so when I talk about something I don't wander all over a bunch of topics and end up not making much sense or having any real affect. It has helped me loads in talking with my WH since the A.