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Newest Member: Lostjxb (61492)

User Topic: Veterans - I can't seem to let it go
♀ 37845
Member # 37845
Default  Posted: 7:41 PM, April 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Message: I'm in a tough place.
I'm way beyond the acute pain of this all. But I can't let it go. I am (was?) SUCH a positive person and I feel like I'm almost a glass half empty person now and it's driving me crazy.

I *think* I would rather work it out than get a divorce. We have two little girls and I want them to live the happiest life they can, and I think that involves both parents TOGETHER if at all possible.

WH wants to work it out. At this point, I have tested that every way possible. BUT I don't think he has completely come clean. I mean, I guess it's possible he's telling the truth about everything but my gut and the evidence says no.

So I can't seem to let it go. He travels all the time, which makes it worse. He's gone now for a week. I used to really be sad and now...I'm fine. I'm more used to taking care of everything myself at this point than with him.

I'm really trying to focus on the positive but I don't really know where to go from here. One step at a time, I guess. But...can you reconcile when you truly believe you don't know the whole truth after a year or two has elapsed?

OW1 is leaving the firm next month, which will help. But he's already got another female "good friend," which I truly think IS just a good friend. But there's always the potential for a slippery slope. Ugh.

I wouldn't give up my girls for anything but sometimes I wish I hadn't left my ex. He was about as true blue as you could ever get.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 10:33 AM, April 9th (Wednesday)]

Posts: 332 | Registered: Dec 2012
♀ 31528
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 10:33 AM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We do not delete threads, but I cleared out the other one for you last night.

Posts: 50786 | Registered: Mar 2011
♂ 31240
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 10:53 AM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I read you to say you see at least an orange flag, if not red. you shouldn't let that go, and that's a giant negative, no matter how positive you are at your base. couple that with your belief he hasn't come clean, an admitted ea, a pa - why would you be ++ about your h?

what's he doing to heal? what are you doing to heal (copious spare time...)? what were your reqs for r? (one usual req is no friendships with possible sex partners, and he doesn't seem to honor that.)

you think you should let something go. I don't. who's missing what?

fBH (me) - 66 on d-day, Married 43, together 45 on d-day, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
Most of us know only our own experience. That's not enough data to support a general rule that D, or R, is right in every sitch.

Posts: 16799 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Illinois
♀ 38384
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 11:40 AM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

VeryUncertain, our D-Days are weeks apart.

I am highly NOT in favour of him having another "good" female friend. Cultivating a friendship takes time. And yet, he has managed to do this since D-Day? Not cool. That is just so off the table now and forever.

Are you in IC? Is he? See. This was one of MY requirement for our, R. He needed to go to IC or leave.

What else is he doing to R? Telling you he wants to work things out is one thing. What high cost behavior is he DOING/SHOWING you to make this happen? (passwords, check in's, phone records)

He should be moving heaven and earth right now.

[This message edited by LA44 at 11:41 AM, April 9th (Wednesday)]

Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 3439 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
Topic Posts: 4

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