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Ann124 posted 4/9/2014 07:00 AM

And I just need to vent ...

So I have been trying very hard to be on speaking terms with XWH. Yes, are three kids are young adults but to some aspects, especially our youngest DS need some guidance and Ds can play games and elaborate things so X and I concluded that if we keep the communication open with us then this deflates DS and his control.

Well, things have been okay and X knows I am seeing SO and X has been dating. I faltered and let my guard down and X and I have been actually talking like "friends." Big mistake to some extent, as X was telling me that he was seeing two women ... I proceeded to tell him how deceitful he is being and how unfair this is to these women. X told me "no." I changed the subject back to our son and promptly got off the phone with him. Hours later I got a very long text from X saying that he didn't like me (more he doesn't like me calling me out on his bullsh*t) and that one of the women that he is seeing wants to move in with etc and that it is my fault. I ignored the text and hour later he calls and I wouldn't have answered but I was sleeping and just picked up the phone without looking... X said and so did you get my text ... Yes, and don't blame me for your problems, it is your own manipulation and deception of these women that you have caused your own issues. He hung up on me...

So the truth hurts him and the truth to myself is that I can never have an open line of communication with him ever ... not even for the kids. Sad, but true!

So glad to be done and living in cricket land with no signs of guilt. As I know who our youngest DS and I believe eventually I will lose all lines of communication with DS also since he is so much like X. Another truth that I have not been wanting to face ...

Thank you for letting me vent ...

Junebug0525 posted 4/9/2014 07:56 AM

My XH and I are on very good terms right now. A lot of that has to do with the fact that I say absolutely NOTHING about his personal life. He has been through SOOOO many women (I will eventually have to say something because he's constantly bringing them around my son) since we split. I can't even count how many he's been with, but it's not my concern. We joke about things, we get along, we laugh, we bicker sometimes, etc. We are *almost* friends. But I stay out of his personal life. I don't comment at all. It's not my business and that's how we stay on the open communication front.

His life is his. He made his choices and will continue to do so. Let him screw up his own life and don't comment (to him). You can come here and laugh about it with us!

ajsmom posted 4/9/2014 08:11 AM

Sounds like you two need a "stop" word - something innocuous that you say when one or the other is stepping into territory that doesn't have anything to do with kids or finances.

During my D, my X and I used the world "watermelon" A LOT. Not sure how we came up with it, but it worked.

AJ's MOM

finallymefirst posted 4/9/2014 08:33 AM

I went through a long phase of wishing that ex and I could have a more civil "friendly" relationship, but I eventually realized that it wasn't healthy for me. Now that I am much healthier he is wanting to be "friendly", but me, not so much lol. I'm glad that u started this thread very thought provoking for me.

T/j I don't know whats sadder: the waywards who leave the marriage and chase relationship after relationship in search of what they had all along at home. OR the waywards who immediately pair up with someone in hopes of finding something new, something better, but end up with exactly what they were "running" away from or worse.

kg201 posted 4/9/2014 08:45 AM

My saying things about my STBX's personal life led to her filing a restraining order against me. I learned my lesson. Pointing out truth can lead to swift and brutal retaliation. We don't need that in our lives.

norabird posted 4/9/2014 09:10 AM

((((Ann124))))

I am sorry you were hurt honey. He doesn't deserve to have you around as a friend. I pity the poor women but at least you're free now to keep your distance, unlike them!

And I hope for your and his sake that DS doesn't end up taking the same path. I can't imagine how difficult that would be.

Ann124 posted 4/9/2014 17:50 PM

Thank you all ... your words are reassuring.

I also hope that DS doesn't follow X's path but so far he is heading that direction ... all I can do from this point forward is listen and be honest to DS, whether he likes it or not.

As for X, I think my best option is to be civil but done. There is no need to co-parent as our "kids" are all old enough to make their decisions.

Thank you all again for letting me vent.