I got a call from my former best friend last night. She and her H are still friends with Ex and I have never wanted to put them in the middle or make them take sides, but because of the fact that they are still friends with him and I know he is now starting to bring ow into the mix, I have backed off a lot in this friendship. This and other reasons, but I just don't want to be in a group of friends that condones wxh actions or welcomes this woman....
Anyway. We only get together on occasion now, but she calls last night and was pretty upset. Apparently, though she knows I don't really want to hear about xh and ow, she didn't have anyone else to vent to. Her and her H, and their kids were invited over to my wxh last sat night to get together as my kids were there and this was the first time he was inviting them to be around ow, who is now separated and has been brought around my kids several times. She had no desire and told her H to go and take the kids to play, she'd stay and have a night to herself.
Well, a few days go by and she and her H are hanging out having a few drinks and he proceeds to tell her that when he went to xh's there was a short bit of time that xh was inside with the kids and he and OW were in the garage. That ow is very flirty and had been drinking some. That she decided to "motorboat" him! She literally put her boobs up to him and put his face in them! And proceeded to grind on him! He was pretty surprised and uncomfortable but didn't say anything to xh.
Now my friend wants to put her fist down ow's throat, lol. I will say, she and her H have occasionally participated in some sexual things I don't agree with, but it has always been consensual. I have known them a long time and her H is not the type to come on to someone... not someone he's recently just met for sure and that he knows my H wants a relationship with. She's mad he said nothing, and now wants my advice.... but doesn't want me to say anything to xh.
I just laughed... what else could I do. Ow is "flirty" xh says... that's her job..she's a hairstylist and does mostly mens cuts so that's just her personality and she gets great tips...I bet! I am a hairstylist...I am not flirty. I do not rub my chest all over guests in hopes of bigger tips. Nor do I rub my chest in my boyfriends friends faces and grind on them to be friendly!
So I told my friend she needed to address her H and her boundaries and figure out if he is going to tell xh this. They don't want to start drama....I just said, hey, you wanted to stay friends with xh, you know who he is with and the morals they have...
But I am popping popcorn and sitting back waiting! Won't be long before xh is getting the same that I did.... he thinks she is just wonderful and kind and has never had a vindictive bone in her body (after some of the crap she pulled on me) and that I was the crazy one that just couldn't move on and put the past behind us. I should be happy for them and not be upset that they were together. Well, go for it xh! Have at it! Good luck to ya and I can't wait to see what happens when she finds someone to cheat on you with down the road and you get to feel what this has been like for me.
The only thing that makes me nervous is the fact that my kids are being brought around this woman... that she's so nice and fun and they think she's nice and fun and they will get hurt all over again when that relationship goes to shit. My 2 older boys know who she is but says she is nice. I tell them that even though she and I will not be friends that they need to establish their own relationships with people and that I want them to like whomever they choose and I am ok with that as long as that person treats them well.... but ds7 has recently found out that she was "ow" and just the other day told me he wanted to "make her leave". He is not ok with his dad having another woman around. When asked if he is uncomfortable around my SO, he says no, he likes him a lot and it doesn't bother him for us all to hang out... but seeing his dad with someone reminds him of when we were together.
I think this may be partly because xh is in the family home? So he is bringing another woman into the environment that ds associates with me. I don't know. I am seeking IC for them right now....
But xh will get what he deserves. I just hope my kids don't get hurt more in the process!
You can't rationalize irrational behavior.
I do hope that there can be a crisis with your ex and the ow sooner rather than later in order to minimize the hurt to your kids if they get much close to her.
I do hope that there can be a crisis with your ex and the ow sooner rather than later in order to minimize the hurt to your kids if they get much close to her
This is my concern.... he basically "waited" for her to finally leave her H and move out with her kid. They never stopped contact mind you, and went out some (as friends ) but now he is finally feeling like its cool to pursue this "relationship". My kids are not stupid. Even my 5 year old makes the "" sign with his fingers when he mentioned ow was daddy's "friend"! He tells me they are not in a relationship, just friends, but he brings her around the boys and there have been times it was he, her and my 12 year old watching a movie together... which of course prompted DS12 to then ask him if she was more than a friend and if that was OW... I mean really? Just because you say friend doesn't mean it isn't obvious. So I just hope they grow up to treat their "friends" with better boundaries than xh seems to. DS8 recently found out that she was the "friend" that got involved as OW, even though xh has maintained that it was just a friendship. Sorry, I burst that bubble. I was not going to lie to my kids and explained age appropriately that we did not separate just because daddy and she were friends, but because daddy and she had a girlfriend boyfriend relationship which is breaking a promise in a marriage. Having a friendship is much different than cheating, thank you very much. I did not divorce because he had a friend This clarification is what prompted DS8 to say "I'm going to make Ms.XXX leave"....
Sigh. As much as I wanted to say yes! Do that! lol, I did not. I told him that it was alright for him to like someone even if mommy and she were not friends and that as long as she was wonderful to him and cared for him as I would want, that I would be happy.
My friend did not go to hang out because she has no interest in being around OW and was hoping xh would come to his senses and date someone better... instead he expects his friends to welcome her in and puts them in that awkward position.
Some days being the grown ass person sucks.
Good men can't be stolen. If some bitch motorboated my man there would be hell to pay. That's not flirting - that is disrespect. To the wife, to the H, to X and to herself. She should be worried that her husband allowed this. Hell.No. The fact that she did it without X present means she knows it is wrong. News flash - she doesn't give a shit.
If someone complained to me about a woman who had an affair with my husband? I'd laugh my head off - you lay with dogs you get fleas. What did she expect?
I too am watching my kids get caught up in the revolting/revolving door that is his love life. I hate it that he is modelling this toxic love addict behaviour for them but there is nothing I can do to stop it. So I focus on modelling healthy behaviour for them and I'll help them navigate through the fallout as best I can.
[This message edited by SBB at 1:16 AM, April 10th (Thursday)]
I really think any woman who says she needs to flirt at her job as a hairstylist waitress etc for those big tips if full of shit. First of all women's hair services are way higher prices. Color extensions, etc. Second, how high do the tips get exactly? How much does a man's haircut cost? I'm pretty sure men would still tip her for friendly service and a good haircut. It's not like men are giving her $500 tips for a peak at her cleavage, so I think she's delusional. Does she drive an Escalade?
Personally I think your bff got what she had coming for not fully siding with you. I think the next time she calls you upset about the next stunt OW pulls you should just tell her you really don't want to take sides and get off the phone.
None of this is your drama anymore.
you should just tell her you really don't want to take sides and get off the phone.
Don't get involved. A great line I read here recently: "Not my monkey, not my circus."
No friend of mine is standing by the sad clown. Not one. Most want to punch his face in.
Color extensions, etc. Second, how high do the tips get exactly? How much does a man's haircut cost? I'm pretty sure men would still tip her for friendly service and a good haircut. It's not like men are giving her $500 tips for a peak at her cleavage, so I think she's delusional. Does she drive an Escalade?
lol.... lets just say, she works for a popular chain salon that is an "in and out" mentality and charges 5.99 for the haircut special.... and its mostly men that trust them at that price. And she drives a newer mustang (with racing stripes ...the main reason she stayed with her h all these miserable years was because he made great money and she could shop at Nordstroms and buy MY H expensive chapstick
Whatever. I pretty much told my friend the reason we were more acquaintances now was because her H and she were basically condoning and accepting her by trying to play Switzerland. I am not interested in being invited to cookouts where ex and she will be. But I will say, they have both tried in the beginning to talk sense into my ex and told him they thought he was an idiot..
So I focus on modelling healthy behaviour for them and I'll help them navigate through the fallout as best I can.
This ^^^^ is so very true and the only thing you can do. The kids will find comfort with the parent who is solid and provides the stable and safe home environment. They have enough chaos to deal with at school, peer pressure, and the outside world.
I really think any woman who says she needs to flirt at her job as a hairstylist waitress etc for those big tips if full of shit. First of all women's hair services are way higher prices. Color extensions, etc. Second, how high do the tips get exactly? How much does a man's haircut cost? I'm pretty sure men would still tip her for friendly service and a good haircut. It's not like men are giving her $500 tips for a peak at her cleavage, so I think she's delusional.
I'll back that up. I regularly go into the "sports" themed haircut chain because I can watch sports while getting my haircut, NOT to get my ego stroked by some stylist with a tight shirt and spandex pants. In fact, I hate chit-chat while getting my haircut because it makes my visit longer than I want. I give short answers to their questions and they get the hint that I'm not there to socialize. I give good tips for a decent haircut NOT because she's cute and flirty, but because I want her to remember the next time I want my haircut done THE EXACT SAME WAY when I come back and she'll get another good tip for it.