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Breaking my give a damn

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Sadmumma posted 4/9/2014 08:16 AM

I've read that some of you have broken your 'give a damn'...

And I'd love to know how you did it.

NC (kind of) works.. but we have young kids so I have* to speak with him with regards to visitation.

I did a full 2 weeks of NC and that worked so well... but then it started, with him wanting 'to be friends'. From his actions, I think he means I be friendly while he treats me like shit.

So...any clues on what can help me break my 'give a damn'?

Leia posted 4/9/2014 08:34 AM

I'm sorry, I don't have anything to offer here. In my case, you just have to be tough, see him for the rat he is, and that helps. Hang in there and I'm sure that someone will be along with better advice.

renee21 posted 4/9/2014 09:21 AM

Mine is mostly broken, and his fuckery on astronomical levels is what did it. I still love the man I married but im able to look at him now and understand he's gone.

I just had that moment when I was ok with divorcing him. it's not what I wanted but I knew it was time. His blatant disregard for our kids feelings and seeing their devastation has made it easier to not give a damn about him. When I have a moment when I waiver, I remind myself that he didn't love us enough to stay away from gutter pig, and I remind myself of the fact he threw away our family for complete trash. That helps too.

justinpaintoday posted 4/9/2014 09:52 AM

I agree with renee. My Damn has faded away and is being replacec by giving a damn about me and ghe kids. Its oart if the process. Remember being friends and being friendly r very different. I just dont have friends that treat me this way.

Merlin posted 4/9/2014 10:00 AM

NC allows you to discuss matters related to the business of divorce and important things like children.

So I treat ex-w as an unpleasant business associate I must deal with to get important things done. It's all and only business - no emotion, no ego - results are all I'm after.

In breaking your give-a-damn, make sure you disable only the part that deals with him. That's not as easy as it may seem.

Nature_Girl posted 4/9/2014 10:51 AM

I don't speak to mine regarding visitation. Why do you have to?

tryingagain74 posted 4/9/2014 11:08 AM

Bleah. I hear you. I don't care about him, but I do care when he tries to insert himself back into my life under the guise of being a caring, involved parent. His hypocrisy chafes against me like a bad wool sweater. I can't wait for the day when I'm fully able to ignore it.

(((Sadmumma)))

GabyBaby posted 4/9/2014 12:29 PM

I treat ex-w as an unpleasant business associate I must deal with to get important things done. It's all and only business - no emotion, no ego - results are all I'm after.

This.

I don't speak to mine regarding visitation. Why do you have to?

Yes!! I kept (and still keep) 99.9% of my communication with ex to emails and texts. It was VERY rare that I had to speak with him (actual voice calls or in person). Texts/emails also give you a paper trail.

yearsofpain25 posted 4/9/2014 15:16 PM

You want to break the "give a damn"? You can break it by using the same thing that may make you give a damn in the first place. You have 6 of them around you. Their hearts are just as broken as yours. Look at them. That's how you break it.

Sadmumma posted 4/9/2014 21:18 PM

Thank you so much all for your insights. I am only texting with regard to visitation... avoiding the phone. Visitation is in my home (he is still homeless), I wont allow visits at OW house. The youngest is only 13 weeks, still nursing so I cant go out for extended periods while he visits.

And yes, to say I'm disappointed by his lack of care re the children is an understatement. Miss 13 was self harming as a direct plea for his attention. I told him about this, thinking it would appeal to his sense of decency. sadly, I was wrong. It appears the man I fell in love with is really gone..if he were really there at all. I've come to notice over the years that he really only does things is there is a direct benefit for him. I'm sure that once OW is in the picture he will become "Disney dad" Not my concern.. I am more concerned with how I can enrich my girls lives, in spite of the hand we've been dealt.


You can break it by using the same thing that may make you give a damn in the first place. You have 6 of them around you. Their hearts are just as broken as yours. Look at them. That's how you break it.

That made me cry.. Its just so true..... I think I'm resigning myself to the fact that there are no "why's"... its just not answerable.. Time to invest less energy in that and more in the future, and the awesome life I can build with my girls.

norabird posted 4/9/2014 22:40 PM

((((((Sadmumma and girls)))))

They are lucky to have you honey. I'm sure you will build lots of amazing memories together in your new life.

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