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sometimes it's too hard alone

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sheila0304 posted 4/9/2014 09:26 AM

I don't like being single today. 4 years of this aloneness. 4 years !!! I didn't ask to be unmarried in my 50s. I didn't expect to be alone this long. My exH dated the whole time we were married so I thought how hard can it be to find a partner? haha Only I'm laughing at my arrogance.

My friend assure me there's nothing wrong with me. "Give it time" they say. Of course, they're married. I remember when I was married I lacked understanding for singles. I assumed single was their choice. I have new appreciation for other people's journeys. I'm grateful for the lesson, my expanded compassion.

I appreciate myself. I am worthy of a whole healthy relationship. I'm a woman who handled my life falling apart and slowly I assembled a new life. Learned a lot. I can do this alone, but I don't want to be alone anymore.
Today I long for a partner.

I needed to release this from my brain. I'm hoping I'll stop dwelling on the empty place in my heart. Thanks for listening.

Merlin posted 4/9/2014 09:44 AM

You are heard. And by so many that feel the same.

But also by those that have passed through the loneliness and have found a good life somewhere 'down the road'.

"When you are going through Hell, keep going"
Winston Churchill

Charity411 posted 4/9/2014 10:24 AM

((((sheila)))) I completely understand how you feel. I've been alone for a long time and most of the time I'm fine with it. I tell myself that in some ways I have it easier. I can make my own day to day choices without needing to run it past someone else.

But there are other times when it would be nice to have a partner again. Almost all of my friends are married and I often feel awkward, although it is not anything they do to make me feel that way. I just feel different. I wonder why I was forced down this road. So know you are not alone and that there are people who understand.

Williesmom posted 4/9/2014 10:44 AM

Right beside you, sister.

It's been 6 years for me. I am happy in my singleness, but would like a partner to be with.....sometimes.

Sometimes I like to have my "alone time". We're in a tough spot, but at least I'm in control of my own destiny.

norabird posted 4/9/2014 10:51 AM

(((((Sheila0304)))))

It can be lonely, I agree. But some people who are married are lonely too, or have their own running struggles in their partnership. It's easy to feel that the grass is greener. Of course, I don't want to say that the values of intimacy and connection aren't something we should want--of course they can be wonderfully rewarding. But only if they're right. It's far better to keep being self-sufficient and wait to see whether someone comes into your life who will deserve you and be a good partner than to waste your energy now on wishing you had that.

I know it is easier said than done. I can tell you that it's obvious from your post that you would make some man very lucky and happy. For now, making yourself happy is no second choice at all. It doesn't have to mean you are never allowed to wish for companionship however. Just acknowledge that sadness, and try to move on past it and look at the bright side.

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