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DS5 birthday coming up, etc..

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ThisHell posted 4/9/2014 12:27 PM

So me and my kids have had a whirlwind of health related issues this last several months and its been rough. I have had some things going on the last year personally with my health and had a bit of a scare sat night. I am not yet diagnosed, but was in the ER sat evening and truly feel like I may have celiac disease. I have also had a very competent nurse friend suggest I be tested for this but have no insurance just yet so I have been avoiding. So no gluten for me at the moment. Sat night I was dealing with excruciating tingling and joint pain in my fingers (I'm a hairstylist opening a salon-this is a huge deal!), completely foggy brain and the feeling of a swollen throat and tongue to the point where it was hard to form the words my tongue felt in the way! SO called my mom and she came over to watch kids while we went to ER.... they were completely incompetent and sent me home with Benadryl (didn't work) and steroids. But did do bloodwork so hopefully we will get a few answers there. ANyway: yesterday I had to take DS8 to a dr appointment and have to pass ex's shop on the way...
He wanted to stop and get a hug so I pulled in. Kids must have shared my health scare with ex because he came over to the car wanting to check up on me and ask how I was feeling. Part of me struggles with this stuff. For the kids, I would like to have a cordial relationship with him... but then he does stupid ass stuff and he has begun bringing OW around the kids (which he knew I was against) so a bigger part of me wants to have as little contact as possible. I couldn't just sit there ignoring him so I shared a bit about what happened. He knows I have gone completely off gluten and am having ds8 tested for gluten issues too as that was partly why we had to go to the doc. Of course he can't just say feel better, bye... he takes it farther and starts trying to talk about gluten free options and what he can feed the kids when he has them, what brands offer, blah blah.... this stuff immediately makes him feel like we are buddies and I have the hardest time getting him to realize we are not friends!

How do you handle trying to be a friendly co-parent and keeping your lives separate still?

He also brought up DS5's upcoming birthday. I ignored this.... but he mentioned possibly switching visitation days, going into detail about some benefit concert he was invited to on his evening that happened to be the day after DS's b'day, blah blah... and would I like to switch. He says "I'm not sure what WE'RE doing for his b'day, but if you want to work something out that week...". um...I have made it clear that I will not be around OW. He wants to bring her around them, whatever... but she will never be welcome to my events and I won't do shared parties,, only to confuse them later when I refuse to have her here! Why does he think we are doing a joint b'day thing?! I wasn't about to get into it in front of DS8 so just ignored the comment, but hell! I am planning a party for the weekend after DS's b'day when I have the kids and I know he will hear about it and say something - get his damn feelings hurt because you know, since he has no boundaries he shares too much and then immediately acts like we are friends again.

Ugh...i guess I just wonder how I keep these boundaries well when I have to have some contact..its so hard! But it would be different if he was remorseful at all and moving on with someone healthy in his life. I would welcome them and try for my kids. OW, never! Sorry!

BAB61 posted 4/9/2014 16:47 PM

I'm sorry you are dealing with all these health issues on top of co-parenting with a clueless POS ... hope you get the medical stuff taken care of and going gf helps.


Gemini71 posted 4/9/2014 19:41 PM

Celiac's sucks. The University of Chicago does free screenings for Celiac's every October. Maybe they can refer you to a free screening program near you.

You may need to just be blunt. "We are not friends. Make your own plans."

Or if you want to be nicer about it, "You should go ahead and make your own plans. I probably won't make OUR plans until the last minute."

Good luck.

ThisHell posted 4/9/2014 20:39 PM

thank you....I appreciate that.

ruinedandbroken posted 4/10/2014 19:36 PM

"We are not friends. Make your own plans."

I like this.

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